Feeling worthless

[MsVJC]

I’m the mother of 1 toddler (2.5) and 1 baby (4mths) and do not know how to manage. DH went back to work a few weeks ago and I end every day exhausted. I feel like a shell of a person. My toddler is so accident prone and constantly wants to run, climb, jump etc and I try to take him out every morning and afternoon to run around but he still seems to have boundless energy. I’m so worried he’s going to hurt himself in our home while I’m feeding the baby. I’m terrified that I’m going to leave something dangerous lying around because I’m so tired as the baby wakes up every couple of hours throughout the night.
I don’t know what to do. DH comes home every evening to find me close to tears. How do other mothers cope?

Your anxiety levels sound really high and that is hard to deal with. Lack of sleep definitely contributes, but maybe you are dipping into postnatal depression? You can have an assessment done by the health visitor or your GP just in case. Good luck

Thank you. I think it might be postnatal depression, I haven’t wanted to admit that. I’ll make a gp appointment on Monday. I tried to tell DH how I was feeling but was completely shut down as he said it was frustrating to talk to me so that’s why he doesn’t do it. I guess I’m on my own with this.

Hi, it may be PND and obvs best to get that checked with doctor. I was in your situation 6 months ago. DD1 now just over 3, DD2 10 months. The stage you’re at was really really hard. Toddler is high energy and not very aware of their limitations, baby not long past newborn. It is easier for me now, although still not easy. I do think with each couple of months I could look back and something will have shifted to become a little easier. Either toddler maturing or baby. Speaking of toddler hurting themselves though, could you just eliminate as much risk as possible just now? Even if it means being a little OTT and you know it’s not entirely rational. When you’re sleep deprived you need to be kind to yourself and if your other half isn’t being understanding I suggest rather than close up keep trying to find ways to discuss it. I was finding things really tough, possibly same stage you’re at and had a lot of arguments with my OH trying to explain how I was feeling but looking back I think he was struggling too just in different ways so it was hard for him to support me at that time. He did support me but perhaps my expectations were also a bit high of him at that point. You’re still finding your feet as a family of four. You’ll get there! Good luck.

Thank you, that’s very good advice and you’ve reassured me. I know I can’t be the only one who feels like this but whenever I see other mothers, they seem to have it all under control. I guess people only show the world what they want them to see.
I have talked it over with DH and, like you, found that he has also been struggling. I’m pleased we have communicated. I’m still planning a checkup with the GP as I think the sleep deprivation has uncovered a lot of underlying issues.

Bless you.. you remind me of me about a year ago, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel I promise you. I now have a toddler and a pre-schooler who play together and actually give me a break sometimes!!! You will get there. I agree with the above comment that sometimes our OH is also struggling but we don’t see it and think they’re just being mean. Mine really missed the companionship and found each newborn phase quite hard. Definitely try to talk to him with a little understanding about how he might be feeling and he will hopefully reciprocate. It can be very hard for them to see us so upset too. And yes see your GP in case it might be PND and you can get some support. Call on family and friends to come and give you a break too, that’s what they are there for! And you might be able to get some alone time with your OH to go out and enjoy yourselves too, although I know that’s probably the last thing on your mind and you’d rather just sleep!! Hang in there xxx