How has becoming a Mum (or Dad!) changed you?

[nervousFTM]

So I'm about 6 weeks away from meeting our little one and freaking out about becoming a Mum. I'm not exactly the most chilled, tolerant and successful person (pregnancy has been challenge!!) and have never really been maternal, apart from to my niece and nephew. I worry about being a crap Mum! Very interested in people's experiences of how they've changed in themselves since becoming a parent.

I'm grumpier

I'm a better person definitely. It gave me confidence I definitely lacked before having kids. It's made me more patient. I'm also a lot more laid back about stuff.

But I'd say it's been a journey to get to this point. I had PND when my eldest was born and I do also think going through that journey is what's helped me grow as a person too.

I thought I was patient. Am I fuck!!!

I see the value in every single person, my child or complete stranger, I don’t think I got it before.

Christ. I wish I was a better person. All having kids has done is highlight how selfish and crappy a person I am.

I'm tired

WhatSmISupposeToBeDoing
Glad I'm not the only one

I've realised how easy it is to judge and think I'd never do that. So I have much better empathy now 2 years in.

Also I see how some mums/ dads are really uptight about certain things I just let go. My only real rules are no hitting/ biting or eating things found on the floor outdoors

Oh god 🤦🏻‍♀️ not much hope in me becoming Mary Poppins then next month!?

@itisthattimeagain aw love this. Hoping my empathy levels go up. Not helpful that during pregnancy I have lost all empathy for my husband 😂

Well I wad very scared of change before and it has forced me to change a lot so it's been positive for me. Also helped me face my fears, only spiders but still I wouldn't have done that before my DD!

Alongside this it has put things into perspective for me and I care a lot less about trivial things that I used to worry about.

Lack of sleep, constantly moody, no patience, tired, bored...

Bored in the sense that we are stuck indoors most of the time at the moment as every time we go out, he always throws a tantrum and I can't be dealing with it.

I suddenly became anxious. I had more than enough patience for you child but unfortunately my job required a lot of patience and I just did not have enough to go round. I grew to hate my job and quit.

Now, I don’t worry about the small stuff and give way less of a shit what other people think.

I was the least maternal person you'd meet - never liked babys or kids (cept my neice & nephew) and never ever been broody. I now have an 8 week old baby who I love so much. He is hard work and I am tired but he is worth it - I will add that it took me a couple of weeks until I felt the 'rush of love' everyone says about (we were in hospital the first week).
I actually think I am a good mum too (so far..) - which I was scared I wouldn't be when I was pregnant.

Tired, yes but amazed by how much such a small person changes things and how rapidly they change and learn.

I'm actually far more chilled about things that don't involve DS now e.g. husband spilling 15l of newly made cider on the floor? Yeah, it'll mop.

I am more aware of what I say and how, as there is a little sponge soaking it all up and it could make or break sometimes

Here is one for you... I was stopping into a shop to grab milk on my way home from work one night, there is a dustbin right outside the shop and some girls who were hanging outside the shop and being cool decided to drop rubbish on the floor and giggle about it. I didn't even think about what I was saying, I just snapped at them and said "Is that were you put rubbish goes young lady??". She shrank very slightly, apologised and picked up the rubbish and put it in the bin.... I'm pretty sure old me would never have done that lol.

I now know the true meaning of tired.
I can drink coffee cold.
I'm less selfish as I have a little person to put first before I do anything for myself.
I'm a lot more productive with my time!
I can do a lot with just one hand!
I'm definitely more tolerant and empathetic to other peoples children.

It has been liberating. I am a massive people pleaser and bent over backwards for toxic, demanding people before I had kids. My life was stressful because of this and my energies were given to people who took advantage of me and made me unhappy. Prioritising my kids has given me the confidence to say no to people like that or to avoid them. I still have loads of friends but my energies go to the real ones, not tip toeing around people I'm actually scared of!

You are really not going to be a crap mum - we all started off not knowing what to do!

I love my 4 yo ds dearly, but life post kids is much tougher. I'm not as carefree as a was, I have so much more to do.

The combination of working, looking after a child and doing everything else that needs to be done, is very difficult to keep on top of. I'm tired and my anxiety has got worse post having a child as I often feel overwhelmed.

Really enjoy your maternity leave with your child and think carefully about planning longer term work/life balance if you're going to return to work. I've made life more manageable by dropping down from senior management job and working 4 days not 5 has been a life changer.

I was the least maternal person ever, didn't even really like my nieces and nephews that much and especially not my friends kids. Since having my son I suddenly have started going all gooey over other babies and actually interacting and playing with friends kids, I just understand them better now.

I'm also less squeamish having been puked, pooed and snotted on a million times.

I'm a nicer person; I give more of myself to everything and everyone.

They are my roots. I grew up in foster care for my first ten years and there's been something cathartic for me having DC and knowing that I've broken those cycles, knowing I've parented them as well as I can, knowing they're happy with the life we're living. It's almost as though I've healed a little of my sadness through their joy. That's been the absolute best part of parenting.

Juggling everything as a parent can be hard in ways I'd never imagined. It can also be hard letting them go; letting other people love your DC, letting other people be a huge part of their lives. That's one part of parenting I've had to work hard at; trusting others to love them the way I do. My DC are happier because they have such a wonderful support network, and I'm a happier parent. Initially I wasn't great at letting anyone in; I think having DC can bring out the absolute best in you but also at times the very worst, and then you have to find a way to balance the two.

I'm 7 years in.

I'm unbelievably more tired (they still wake every night with nightmares).

I don't get so stressed and worked up about every little thing, especially at work. I'm able to shrug things off easier (unless it's to do with DC and school or medicine for some reason).

It's true that with DC "it's a phase and it too shall pass" is totally true, but I needed several years hindsight to see it and some of the phases last a bloody long time (like the waking me up at night...).

I am overworked trying to balance work, children, marriage and having a life of my own. But it is so lovely when my parents, DH and MIL tell me I'm a fantastic mum - I don't feel like it, but they say I am, which is lovely and confidence boosting. I am also THE most important person for 2 little boys and that is the best feeling in the world.

@Idontbelieveinthemoon wow this gave me goosebumps, just amazing you've broken the cycle and I've no doubt you've given your DC TH best start in life! Love what you said about 'sharing' your DC as I can be quite protective/possessive so can imagine this is something I'll need to be very wary of x

I'm a lot more confident and able to speak to new people a LOT better than I used to be!

When I was expecting I used to get quite worried by how everyone said I would change and my life would change completely when I became a mother. I thought, I quite like myself and my life as it is. But of course I am still the old me, but sort of more whole somehow. I've found contentment.

The big thing is how much more love I have in me. I never knew how much I could love someone until my daughter arrived. And I do love my husband lots too but motherlove is like a force of nature.

I have loads more patience - the first few weeks with a newborn is like a crash course in patience and those young toddler games where they want the same game repeated again and again and again give you a higher tedium -tolerance threshold.

Finally, I was never remotely maternal or interested in other peoples children, but any news stories about unkindness to children make me a weeping mess now!

I am a completely different person. I'm selfless when it comes to my son, he has taught me empathy and how to be a nicer and kinder, stronger and more self sufficient person.

I was very immature, reckless, selfish and mean before.

I'm still not great with other peoples kids though, better but not a natural, and I'm still not great with empathy to be honest but I'm a million times better than I was.