How has becoming a Mum (or Dad!) changed you?

[nervousFTM]

So I'm about 6 weeks away from meeting our little one and freaking out about becoming a Mum. I'm not exactly the most chilled, tolerant and successful person (pregnancy has been challenge!!) and have never really been maternal, apart from to my niece and nephew. I worry about being a crap Mum! Very interested in people's experiences of how they've changed in themselves since becoming a parent.

I am 2 years in with twin girls. It has been very challenging lol.

I used to have control of everything. I had no patience. I hardly cried.

I now have patience, I cry all the time, my two little turddlers are my absolute world and I would be lost without them. They are my heartbeats.

But it came with a price, I was depressed for a long time after having them, the love didn't come straight away but it grows, so don't worry about not feeling that surge of love, I never glowed either, Im constantly hot and sweaty now must be the hormones!

I am kinder, and more helpful and more understanding, but I am also more scared of the world and the dangers in it.

More grey hairs and wrinkles, but also more stoic, can stand up for myself now, stronger in myself...more patient, more understanding. More able to appreciate the tiny moments of peace (60 extra seconds of hot water in the shower). Care less about appearance. Care less about what people think. It's harder, and it's not a care free life like when I was sans kids. But it's personally far more enriching than a single life, as hard as it is.

These are wonderful stories everyone thank you, keep them coming!! Am hoping I do become a better person and a good role model for my baby. Although I have a good job which pays well, and teach yoga part time, I've never felt fulfilled in my career so feel like I'm a bad role model for career for him/her (one day!). But I'm hoping that these stories of being more open, empathetic, loving and patient will happen with me too and I can be a great role model for kindness and love! It's just great to read them as it's making me think of things I need to be wary of - like how rigid I can be in my routines (especially exercise)... I can see that going right out of the window 😬

I"m far more confident. I'm much more able to fight my own corner. I care far less what people think about me. I'm MUCH kinder, more empathetic, more thoughtful, less selfish.

I appreciate everything more. I understand more about myself. I'm much nicer about other people. I realise what a twat I used to be in lots of ways.

I'm just really, really amazing now

I'm less patient.

Big change for me was more living in the moment - so a walk to the park in itself became an adventure. Setting aside time purely to be with them was an absolute gift, once I stopped worrying about all the things I could/should be doing.

And when I look back I can't remember what I thought I could/should have been doing but I do remember all those wonderful hours spent with dcs, the funny conversations, the messes we made and how much I loved them (still do) and they loved me (still do though not as effusive..).

I used to be a real person with hopes and dreams. Now my only dream is to get more than 4hrs sleep in one stretch and be able to watch a whole movie without interruptions. I no longer drink or have nights out. I no longer have hobbies. If someone takes my baby for a while my only thought is to sleep.

On the plus side I’ve been cured of my vanity. My stomach is ruined to the extent that I no longer entertain any illusions that I might look attractive. I no longer spend money on clothes because there’s no point dressing up a turd.

Much more tired, impatient and frustrated a lot of the time.

Much more empathetic towards other parents.

Mostly, much happier than before I had him!
Good luck x

I learned that I am stronger (physically and mentally) than I ever imagined.

The first year following the birth of our twins was harder than anything I have ever done but I survived and kept them alive and I’n Pretty proud of that.

I learned that I can function pretty well on 3 hours of sleep over quite a long period of time.

At work I take considerably less shit. If I wouldn’t acccept the behaviour from my children I’m sure as hell not going to accept it from an adult.

I hate other people. My children suck all the patience out of me so i have none left for anybody else 😂

I used to be a SEN teacher. I look back to my pre-kids days & wonder how the f**k i did it

I was absolutely blown apart by exhaustion and isolation with my first child and then Jess so with the second. And then over the years the fun, joy, frustration, irritation, fierce protectiveness, perspective, emotion, laughs, extreme devotion, love, love, love of it blew me away too. In more than equal and opposite measure.

They are now 18 and 16. Whole human beings. Funny, kind, lazy, smart, intriguing, great company human beings. As a result I am more humble, kinder, loving, patient and impatient. But I'm definitely a much better, deeper, wiser person. And so strong. And so proud of them.

Brace yourself! It's gonna be a hell of a ride! And don't be surprised by the GCSE and A level years - they're hugely challenging.

I'm permanently exhausted. I never understood the meaning of exhaustion before baby number 2 but I'm much happier and more confident. I don't really rush to fit in and stress about all that. That said, I am now a pro at swearing under my breath.

I used to Be fun.
Now I'm the one that sets the rules and says no, so made out to be the Bad Guy.
I'm Grumpier and more stressed.
But wouldn't change them for the World

i am now a pro at swearing under my breath

This. And also at giving people 'the look' when they look like they might start. Apparently mine reads 'i triple dare you, i will eat you for lunch' - my partner has perfected the 'you had to do it' look along with the nonchalent shoulder shrug

It made me realise how much more patient I am than what I previously thought I was. Also made me happier and more content with my life

Oh yes, swearing! I do swear much, much more. But silently (mostly). I'm also about 100% happier than before I had children. They do make me very happy .

Shame to see so many negatives - the reality is that yes, your life will be different. But having little one(s) to look after seriously re-focuses you and your time management skills will go up in leaps and bounds! It's a wonderful experience. Even though there are hard times, having these little ones in our lives is an immense privilege and overall a deeply wonderful experience. Good luck with it all and focus on enjoying it.

Well it's only been 12 weeks for us, and the first 6 were really hard but loving it now. I know it sounds cheesy but I sort of feel like I have a purpose now to keep this tiny human safe and warm and happy! I felt quite depressed and empty for many years before that.

cloudpop when does the improvement in time management skills kick in 🙈 DD is 6, DS is 11 weeks...i feel like i have swiss cheese for a brain. This equates to jack all skills of any kind...i bimble along in autopilot hoping for the best i absolutely love the bones of my children but often wonder if my brain cells would have jumped ship quite this early without them

More stressed, tired. I care less about my looks, though I wear make up and do my hair every day, I have things in perspective and I realise that not looking my best every day isn't important. Less self absorbed- I'm usually last on the list of my concerns - everything is about the kids.
Slightly paranoid and very protective about their safety. No longer interested in wild nights out. I'm happiest at home with my husband and family.
And I'm not as bothered by what people think anymore or about trivial stuff, I used to be a doormat and would let people say what they like to me, but being a mother of four children I think deserves some respect.

I don't need as much sleep as I thought to function and I'm way more patient than I was before. I do have a bedside manner but I reserve it for my child and I'm capable of achieving a lot in a day, not that I get paid or anything!

I still can't do a good Thomas the Tank engine impression but DS says in lovely and 'stroke-y' and I'm his favourite so that'll do xx

I'm a new mum and never thought of myself as maternal either but honestly it has been amazing and has changed me for the better. I suffered from anxiety before and was always looking to/worrying about the future. Now, I live in the moment and enjoy and see the beauty in small moments with my son.

Having one child made me realise I no longer want any more children

When DH and I conceived our DS we were initially planning on two or three more kids within 2-3 yr age gaps.

But then a difficult pregnancy ensued. And then a traumatic birth where we nearly lost DS. And then a horrid HV who made me feel shit for having problems breastfeeding. Then Post-traumatic stress kicked in. And DS was a demanding needy hard-work baby with constant colic, reflux and a skin problem.

Havimg a child also destroyed my career when I realised we couldn't afford the childcare when I returned to work, so I had to quit. I spent 5 yrs feeling lonely, inadequate, a freeloader dependent entirely on DH financially and like I no longer had my own identity.

When DS started reception I desperately tried to get back into employment, but couldn't find a job that worked around school hours (as we still can't afford childcare and we have no family support), or if I did employers were put off by my employment gap. I even took a course to re-qualify in a career I had previously done for 15 yrs prior to having a baby, but still no employer wanted me or could accommodate the limited hours I could work.

Im now in a very low-paid unprofessional non-challenging job just to get out of the house and do something other than be a mum, and to feel a little more independent and help DH support us all financially. As after an entire year of applying for jobs in my former career and getting nowhere I realised it was time to call it a day and just apply for any old job that would take me.

I love my DS dearly, infatuated with him in fact. He's my world and my reason for waking up each day. But I don't want any more kids. I'm done with just the one. It's been difficult and I'm no longer the person I was, I thought I would progress to be.

I don't think I have changed that much. I'm impatient, intolerant, don't enjoy being around children and never have and didn't even play much as a child.

But when you love your DC you want to be the best version of yourself for them and make them happy. So you tackle things you wouldn't have dreamed you would be able to handle before being a parent. I have so far:

• Had one of DD's friends over or taken them out minus the parents a few times. And survived. And they enjoyed it and everything.

• Removed countless spiders from the house or other miscellaneous insects (I have a huge spider phobia)

• Kept calm and not changed the level of my voice as I am screamed at

• Let a small child brush my hair and stick combs in it.

• Pro-actively contacted other parents of DD's friends to introduce myself or arrange play dates because she wanted me to despite being very anxious socially and being ghosted by one parent who had seemed very nice.

You just get on with it because it's your child and nobody else is going to do this stuff for you. Good luck

Positives - I sweat the small stuff less. I like myself more. I have a new found appreciation for simple every day pleasures - a hot cuppa in peace once the kids are in bed is heaven. I love my partner more watching him become the dad he now is. My children's happiness is my happiness.

Negatives - I've never known tiredness like it. The impact pregnancy has had on my body. I feel more vulnerable in the sense of having to protect my children and the huge responsibility of having to choose wisely for my my little people. As i believe their childhoods will be a huge factor in contributing to who they are as people.

Wow that got deep.