How has becoming a Mum (or Dad!) changed you?

[nervousFTM]

So I'm about 6 weeks away from meeting our little one and freaking out about becoming a Mum. I'm not exactly the most chilled, tolerant and successful person (pregnancy has been challenge!!) and have never really been maternal, apart from to my niece and nephew. I worry about being a crap Mum! Very interested in people's experiences of how they've changed in themselves since becoming a parent.

Pathologically selfless. Well. More than I would have been. It takes a while then its second nature.

For the better id say !!
I'm still me though I'm not one of these that will get "mum guilt" for having a day to myself but on the whole Iv grown up a lot and he is the only person Iv ever loved unconditionally which is a nice feeling

Negatives are that I worry more about stuff as naturally I worry about him

I’m more productive now. I have two little ones who demand my attention if they are not asleep. I have refined my organisational and time management skills. I have realised the value of money and saving too. Additionally I shop less than before. Whenever I shop now I either do it online or use a mail order catalog.

I miss the freedom I had in my child free days. I miss sleep, I miss having money. I miss having energy.
I now feel anxious about all sorts of stuff I never used to. I think about looking after myself so I don’t become ill so I can care for my dd. I’m too tired to go to the gym so my fitness is shit.

I love my dd with every bone in my body. I would kill for her and die for her. I often feel overwhelmed.

The mother guilt is awful.

I wouldn’t say I’m a better or worse person but my life is sooooo different. Motherhood is an adventure, once you accept that it’s fine.

I feel I haven’t had a good nights sleep since 4th January 2008.... the day before my son was born. Tbh it’s givennme a sense of achievement that I’ve created an incredible human. Twice.... I’m more aware of everything. I have eyes in the back of my head... I’m a psychic... I’m santa... I’m the tooth fairy....I’m the Easter bunny....it comes with a shitload of responsibilities but I wouldn’t change it for the world 😊

It made me kinder. I don't judge as quickly and I don't think I have all the answers (didn't realise how much I actually DID think this before!).

I have much better perspective and time management at work and home. 'Good enough' genuinely is so now.

Due to sleep deprivation, I have also aged about a decade, despite my child only being 4!

I've also had to grow a spine. It's all very well being a people pleaser or letting things go when it's just yourself to worry about but sometimes you have to stand up for your child to other adults, school, doctors, strangers etc however excruciating you find confrontation to be. Just have to get on with it!

DD is a year now.

Positives:
I was never maternal and I'm astonished by how much I love her. She now (occasionally) will come over to cuddle me or blow raspberries and it makes my morning.
I have made wonderful "mum friends" and am more involved in the community than ever.
I feel validated in my choice of DH - he's generally been great.
I feel my organisational/advance planning skills are put to good use.
Weirdly, more money, because we eat out every two months instead of 2-3 times a week.

Negatives:
No time off really - fine at first but when you're ill, they're ill and DH is off at work for the next 12 hours it's really difficult.
I sometimes spend all my patience on DD, so there's none left for DH/anyone else.
I've found it difficult to take proper care of myself, feed myself properly etc - if I don't proactively plan to do it, I neglect myself and my needs.
When they're in pain/distress and you can neither fix it nor explain to them what's wrong.
Much less "me time" - I'm typing this during my morning hour of "me time", when DH has DD. Unless she astonishes me with her naps today, this is all the time I'll get to myself today.

I used to have had road rage and would also get angry easily at strangers in shops etc if someone was rude. Now I let things go, as I have to think about my little girls safety.
So I'm definitely more patient and chilled

Fatter, grumpier, greyer and I've turned into my mother.

In other ways, it matured me. Got better at cooking, organising and better with kids (on the whole).

We adopted DD9 & she is amazing ( I worried that I might not love her the same as a biological child but I couldn’t love her more if I tried) but she is incredibly challenging & pushes DH & me beyond our limits. So I have discovered that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought! I have always had a connection with children & I have really enjoyed the silliness with DD. I have found that she loves my made up stories too.
Like pp’s I miss my social life & just being able to go off & do exactly what I want without lots of planning. I can’t remember the last time I read a book. And because of DD’s “ issues”, there are quite a few places that we don’t get to go to. But I love my little family & we are riding the rollercoaster together.

I don’t think I’ve changed that much really to be honest, i’m still the same person essentially. I have one DD who’s almost 2 and she wasn’t an easy baby, a fairly easy toddler I think though. I’m a little more emotional than I used to be if that’s even possible! and I have found I enjoy the company of other people’s kids much more than I expected. I’m a little softer then I used to be, stories on the news involving kids definately get to me more now. Im still fairly laid back as a person. I’m definitely more organised and better at multitasking and coordinating myself. I love my girl more than I could ever imagine but part of that means that to be a happy mummy of a happy kid I still make time for me and my husband too and we still try to do some of the stuff we love like gigs, meals out, drinks out. we are lucky though that we have supportive family fairly close who have her overnight sometimes. if we had kid no.2 that dynamic would change dramatically though which is why we’re still dithering on that issue, selfish as that might be

From my experience, I wouldn’t expect it to massively change your personality. I still can’t cope with lack of sleep (I get really grumpy), I’m still not very patient, and I still crave time away from the kids. You just have to learn to deal with it better I suppose.

I forgot the main thing!

When I get a night/day/weekend off I am ON IT! 🍷🍷🍷🍷no stopping me!

until I fall asleep before 12

I am much more in touch with my emotions. Which has pros and cons. But I think before children I didn't really feel comfortable expressing or experiencing emotions on a day to day basis. But DC mean you simply can't help it - the emotions are so all powerful and all encompassing. And they're so busy trying to learn to process their all powerful emotions too. And I think being able to accept emotion has made me a kinder person - I'm far more likely to emphasise with other people or understand an emotional response for what it is than I did before.

Way more empath which is so hard!
Less tolerant off other people but my child has all my patience 😂