Hi all,
Know you all might have different opinions on this subject and some of you might be 'step' parents yourself.
But this is a bit different as I don't class him as my step father as he got with my mum when I was already an adult. He did not help me grow up nor raise me, I barely talk to him actually and he doesn't know me.
They have been together for about 7-8 years now, since I was 17-18. Unfortunately because of financial reasons, I still live at home but I've been given notice to leave home for a number of reasons, one being I'm pregnant. I'm 25 weeks atm.
Anyway, she doesn't like that I don't acknowledge him as much as she would like and he's even grassed on me before saying that I've been rude to him and didn't say hi even though I didn't hear him. It seems like has to say hi whenever I just want to leave my room and he's hovering around the house. It makes me uncomfortable! I've explained to my mum that I don't feel like I'm obligated to talk to her boyfriend, I have nothing in common with him and have nothing to say... I haven't said this to her but I also found he was rude to me years ago by telling me how to talk even though I was an adult and seemed to try to impose some sort of authority which I didn't like very much. Last time my mum moaned at me about how much I talk to him, I did blurt out in a rant that he won't be getting called grandad and she looked at me like she was shocked and clueless as to why. I'm sorry but why should he have anything to do with my child when he has nothing to do with me? I feel uncomfortable in his presents and wouldn't really trust to leave my child alone with him because to be frank, I don't know him. I know it might sound strange to most people that I say that even though I've lived under the same roof as him for 7 years but strangers can house share but you wouldn't be leaving your child with them and giving them a title. I also feel like he gets involved in conversations that have nothing to do with him, I'll be talking to my mum about a pram system I've been looking at and he'll stick his nose in telling me i won't afford this and that, acting like he knows a lot about travel systems 😂 . As far as I'm aware he doesn't have his own kids and if he does, he doesn't see them so I don't understand why he thinks he's mr know it all... he seems that way with everything though and I don't like people like that, perhaps one reason I keep my distance. Anyway it seems to effect my relationship with my mum to a certain extent, think she wants me to be fake and overly nice to make him feel comfortable... hmm it was my house before he shifted his way in but ok. By how she goes on you'd think she was never a single mother by how much she relies on him and I can't seem to have a conversation with her anymore without her trying to bring him up. She is excited to be a grandmother but I fear she'll only want to be there if her boyfriend gets to equally be involved which I think is ridiculous. Me and her don't really spend any time together either, I try to have a convo with her and she doesn't even give me eye contact half the time. I feel like I don't want to live here once the baby comes anyway because I also fear she will try to take over and tell me how to parent (you know how you're cooking a meal and someone hovers over you telling you not to do this and that. Exactly like that). That would drive me crazy and would worsen our relationship. I'm insistent on breastfeeding and she feels like I should let's others feed my child... it's obvious when she says others she means her boyfriend. I'll breastfeed without any bottles just so he doesn't feed my child, I want to exclusively breast feed on demand without bottles and that seems to offend my mothers idealistic hopes of her boyfriend being grandad of the year. She also expects to just leave a newborn with her and whoever on a regular basis even though I've made it clear I want to breastfeed and why would I leave my child not unless I need to, particularly when baby is a newborn. Just seems like she wants to pretend to be mummy with her boyfriend acting as daddy. She said I'll need help with baby which I understand but she seems to only be offering help I don't need and not help I would like. It's mother's job to look after baby and grandmother could help with doing washing or dishes to make things easier for the mum but she just wants to take the baby and do the mothering. I'd like to add that I know basics of looking after a newborn and I'm not a teenager, I'm a grown adult who's looked after children before so why is she acting like I'll be useless? Ironically this is the same person who told me I shouldn't go through with voluntary adoption, her only reason being because it's 'her first grandchild' not because I'd make a good parent or anything, she made the reason about her. Now I'm certain I want to raise my child even though it will be hard but having someone make out like you can't do it by yourself doesn't help things and isn't encouraging! Wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't help me to move out and makes it difficult so then I'm forced to stay and they can try to control my life.
Obviously I'm fine with them two together as a couple but just don't expect me to act like I'm going out with him, it has nothing to do with me. It's her boyfriend, not mine.
Has anyone else had a tense relationship or non relationship with their mum or dads partner? How did you handle it when your child came along? Any advice would be welcome. I know things will improve when I move out but will my mum even spend time with her grandchild without having to bring her boyfriend along all the time...hmm guess I'll have to see. Is it unrealistic to make sure I teach my child from a young age to call him by his first name instead of grandad? And if my mum or him tries to teach my child different, how should I approach it? I'm also worried he'll try to discipline my child in ways I do not agree with, how do I deal with this? I don't feel like it's his place. Do know my home isn't my home anymore and I need to try to get out, it's just made harder with baby on the way and I might even have to go into emergency accommodation if I can't private rent. So it would be handy if my mum didn't make things harder.
Apology for the long rant but wanted to get the majority of story in there.