I’m 3 weeks in and hating every minute of breastfeeding. Which is making me hate every minute of parenting because it’s literally all I do. I knew it’d be tough don’t get me wrong but I didn’t realise it’d be soul destroying and not mention downright excruciatingly painful. I can’t see how we’re ever going to leave the house either. Had a week in hospital and a week at home and haven’t been outside and have only had two sets of visitors since.
Firstly I’ve had a section so I can only really do a couple of holds full stop. The main problem I have though is thag DS seems to go from being slightly peckish to red faced and screaming the house down in seconds which is obviously awful but the it’s the hands, they’re grabbing my boobs, shredding at my nipples (which on already sore nipples feels like cutting them with glass and has me almost screaming), they’re in the way of me doing the correct hold and by the time I’ve managed to hold one down the crying has intensified and the fist of the other one is in his mouth. And so the process begins again. All this needs to be done standing up as I can’t pin his underside arm down whilst sat down. All the while he is screaming and by now twisting his head away and I’m drenched in sweat and almost shouting at him - the latter making me feel absolutely hideous. This has been going on for two and a half weeks and if anything has got worse not better. How could I ever do this outside the house?? We’ve seen various people and the advice ranges from that we should just put up with it in the hope that it will get better to trying swaddling. We’ve tried this - exasperberates the situation as he has to wait even longer and just fights his way free.
Then there’s the latch itself his mouth seems very small in comparison to all the pictures and videos I’ve seen and he doesn’t stick his tongue out - the MW said he has a short tongue but doesn’t have tongue tie as he’s gaining weight. This means the latch always ranges from uncomfortable to downright excruciating to the point that I’m sobbing. I did have some grazing which had healed with the application of Lanisoh but they are still very tender. Again whilst there’s been a marginal improvement the right one has got worse again this wk and everything says it shouldn’t hurt at all. I certainly don’t feel I should be sobbing, I even pulled some of my own hair out this morning to stop me from screaming and have been taking paracetamol and ibuprofen to deal with the pain all week. Again when people have looked they’ve said the latch looks normal?? They’ve suggested some things in terms of holding the nipple altho everything I have read says not to do that. However I need my free hand to hold down his arm so they’re all impossible. I’m also getting excruciating pain in my wrists.
I have mentioned nipple shields and expressing but all HCP have said not until 8 wks as it will effect supply and confuse the baby.
DH says because he is gaining weight I just need to persevere and grin and bare it. I think he thinks I want the easy way out and I don’t all I want to be able to give my baby my milk I just don’t want to be in agony to do it. DS’s really sweet and alert when he’s with DH, I don’t get any of that I’m just a reclusive feeding machine and I don’t feel like we’re bonding because of it feel like I could be anyone to DS and he could be anyone’s and I’m just feeding him.