Discipline Issues - going back on a punishment?

[LostPuppy]

I spend my weekends ferrying my DS1 to various rugby/football/cricket training sessions, and yesterday he had a football tournament.

In the car on the way home I asked if he'd enjoyed himself, and there was no reply. So DW asked him and he said 'not much'. She went ballistic and told him he was ungrateful little so and so and that we wouldnt take him to his presentation/fun day next weekend. A very harsh punishment, because he's been looking forward to it all season. They get photos and a trophy etc.

As luck would have it, he bumped into his football coach at the swimming pool this morning, and he was asked if he had a good time and if he was looking forward to next weekend's event, to which he replied yes and was very excited, then afterwards he remembered and starte crying.

Now he IS a bit spoiled, but who doesnt spoil their kids. There is a fine line here between something kids say and the spoiled brat behaviour exhibited by a lot of his peers as we live in a very affluent town and the kids generally get whatever they want.

But I really dont want to take this day from him. He's apparently told all his schoolfriends he's going to get a tropht.

How can I go back on this punishment without giving him the message that we are a pushover?

I too thought your ds was an ungrateful 12 or 13 year old. If he had been, and was consistently ungrateful with a big dash of lazyness thrown in, then I can totally understand why your DW snapped at him. Our 13 year old gets some sharp words thrown at him when there's been lots of chauffering and little thanks. dh and I have been known to refuse him a lift to the next activity, but then we do take back the threat as long as he is good or does somehing for us (like freckle suggested).

However, as your ds is 6, I think the situation is different. Could he simply have been worn out? My 7 year old, having begged to join football, beavers and swimming, soon wanted to stop doing them once the novelty had worn off. I let him drop all but swimming and expect him to pick up more activities later. But also happy for him to drop some, till he finds the ones he really likes. At 7 IMO there's no harm in flitting about a bit.

All those sports your ds plays must mean lots of matches as well as practice sessions. I don't know how you manage to keep up tbh. I really think you need to drop something for now.

And how many of these sports activites are linked to the school? IME, after school sports clubs do cut down on some of the ferrying duties for parents - much more convenient. So if your ds is too young to join them, wait a few years till he is older.

Sorry but I am still abot confused as to how saying he didn't enjoy something is being ungrateful especially if as you say he has no idea the cost involved. I as far as he is aware they are free he may think they can be taken or left.

There are activities that I myself do regularly that I LOVE doing but occasionaly for whatever reason I don't enjoy them, maybe I'm tired feeling abit off colour or just plain old not in the mood. DD goes to weekly swiming lessons she is such a water girl and some she enjoys more than others and I don't think she is ungrateful just probably one of the above that I feel when I am not enjoying something I usually love.

If you feel that you are spending too much time ferrying him about then it is up to you to sort that, that is not his fault you have seen that he is sports mad and chosen to allow him to participate in all these activities so if it is a problem it is yours nothis to sort.