Siblings and preferences ...

[NotQuiteCockney]

I have two DSes, three years apart. From DS2's birth until quite recently, I found I had much more patience for DS2 than DS1. Obviously I love both of them, but DS1 wore me out a lot faster, and given a choice between doing something with one or the other, I would always choose DS2.

But suddenly, now, DS2's tantrums are annoying me greatly, and I find DS1 so much easier. Thankfully, DH has lots of patience for DS2, so spends a lot of the weekend with him.

Is this a normal thing to have happen? Do other parents find they have preferences like this? How often do they change?

I do my best to be fair, obviously. I think I can cope with this sort of preference, as long as it doesn't turn into a longterm thing, I guess ...

I only have one so far but have often wondered about this. It's not something I've found easy to ask friends of mine with more than one child though. So, will be reading replies with interest!

I've not spoken about this a great deal with people in person, but from what I see and hear, most parents with more than one child struggle most with their firstborn. Which makes sense, because when your firstborn does something irritating, you think 'good god, they'll do that forever', but when number two (three, four, whatever) does it, you shrug and say 'oh well, this too shall pass'. At least that's been my experience with my two.

Hmmm, nobody else been through this?

I've got a DD (6.3) and DS (2.11) and I have to say that it changes which one I prefer. Usually whichever isn't going through a really tough stage (e.g. 12 hr colic, tantrums, grumpy/stroppy)

Though I find if it is getting really unbalanced, I just need to do a little something for myself. (sit down with a cup of coffee, read a mag /MN for 10 min ) and the balance is better.

I think it is natural to want to be with the child that is the least demanding / more fun to be around.

I know what you mean about one or other child being easier to be with at different stages. I think it's something that comes and goes as your children get older. Who wouldn't find a delicious baby who lies in one place and sleeps half the day an easier companion that a terrible two year old who eats the soil out of your pot plants? Or prefer spending time with a six year old who likes to settle down with a book, rather than a four year old who can whine for Britain? I don't think it means you love each one any less than the others, just that you are responding to them as human beings - sometimes they are wonderful and sometimes they make you want to run and hide. Preferably in Bermuda.

same here! I have dd 5 1/2 and ds 2 1/2 - i would honestly say upto 6 months ago i much preferred ds over dd he was such an easy baby, slept lots (still does) whereas dd never slept (still doesnt) and was in full on whiny moany stage BUT then recently ds has become a full on tantruming boisterous hard work little boy and its a big about turn that i would now prefer to be with dd !!! i obv love them both the same but just waiting for the day i prefer BOTH of them at the same time

Totally normal NQC. I have 4 and used to beat myself up a lot about - it has to be said - my firstborn who was a non sleeping whirlwind well into toddlerhood and certainly well into ds2's babyhood. I even occasionally thought I wasn't getting any joy at all from being his mother, (cue GUILT GUILT) compared to ds2 who was a classic 2nd baby, easy and happy and sleepy and smiley etc. They are 21 m apart. Now ds1 is easier at 13 and ds2 at 12 is a pain !

dd slotted in somehow, as did ds3, (3) who is often a pain and therefore i want dh to "have him" at weekends...otoh today he was lovely whereas dd was irritatingly whiny...

and so it goes on.

But I love them all.

I have stages that I don't "do" - I cannot stand the 5-8 phase, possibly becasue that was DD1's nightmare period where she wouldn't physically put pen to paper and we had no idea why. But DD2 got really annoying then too, and DD3 is fast approaching it. But I'm now very much closer to DD1 (13) than I ever have been (didn't really bond with her as a baby - touch of undiagnosed PND). Perfectly normal I would say, just be careful not to let it appear obvious to the DCs if you can help it. DD2 is currently Daddy's favourite, and I constantly have to remind him that he needs to spend time with DD3 as well, even though she is harder work.

I'm not sure DS2 is being that much worse than DS1 - at least, DH is finding DS2 easier than DS1, I think, while I can cope with DS1 forever, and constantly lose it with DS2. He's at the stage where he feels like a hand grenade ... one wrong move and there's a giant explosion. I think we had a few tantrums today and a few close calls ... I probably have to work on my toddler-handling tips ...