12 year old son rebelling

[Drainedandbattlingthrough]

So I've read messages in my sons Instagram DM, the issues I've seen are 1) discussing pulling an "all nighter" with girls from another school he hasn't met yet . 2) one girl who's picture was of her in sexy black underwear on her page saying he is boring so he says "suck my dick then that's not boring eh" and she replied "ok I'll suck your dick on the all nighter" 3) telling girl how many inches he has 4) planning smoking and drinking and trying weed Now all of this was mainly in one chat and I don't know how much is bravado and how much would actually of happened . I've not told him I have seen all this as I don't want a fight late at night but my main search for help is a really relevant consequence one that I can stick to and see through . I am a single parent of two 12 year olds it's areally hard battle !!! I have no one at home to back me up, support me or discuss this with . Please advise kindly and from personal exp if poss would be preferred . Thanks so much. Feeling worried

I would just like to add that obviously I am considering to close down the account altogether… But I know that his age group and in this area this it is their main source of communicating to make plans to meet up and hang out… I don't want to isolate him… I need advice is really appreciated thank you

You don’t want to isolate your 12 year old from people he’s planning to drink and take drugs with and who intend to suck his dick?

No. And this is why I was slightly apprehensive to join this site ! I have already blocked and deleted those individuals from his account I don't want isolate him from the friends he already has and that I know and that he is safe with

The people saying those things are not his friends and are not people that he really knows at all

Instagram is not the only way that he can contact his friends. You are supposed to be 13 to sign up for Instagram, so in your shoes I would be making it very clear to your son that he is obviously not old enough to be on it if these are the kinds of messages he is sending. Don't let him give you a sob story about being isolated, he will just have to text people instead if he can't act more responsibly. Natural consequences and all that...

Yes I totally agree . Thank you so much . It's good to hear it from other parents thank you

Most children his age aren't doing those kind of things. He seems to be in with a bad crowd.

I used to work on a teenage advice line and most young people were saying they were going to do sexual acts because everybody else said they had done them but they didn't feel comfortable but didn't feel that the fact they didn't really want to do it was reason enough to say no. So boys were asking girls to do things because they thought they were supposed to and they would be made fun of if they weren't, and girls were doing them for the same reasons. Most of them didn't really want to and weren't ready. These were older teenagers 14/15/16 not 12. You are the mum, protect your child and of that means no smartphone, no late nights etc, do it.

My dd is 12. No way would she be allowed an Instagram/Snapchat account. Her phone would be removed.

The stuff you’ve seen on his account is not typical of 12 year old. It’s just not.

Firstly, it sounds like he's stumbled on a bad crowd and is feeling pressured to talk and act in a certain way in order to fit in. He doesn't know them and hasn't met them so yes I'd do everything in my power to keep him away from him. Have an honest conversation with him about the fact that you read his messages and how it makes him look, how it makes you feel. Then I'd be encouraging him to make more effort to go out and do things/see friends in real life rather than living a fantasy on instagram. If you do decide to keep Instagram make sure he knows that you will be checking his account on a daily basis and stick to it. Good luck

Ok, you could make him come off social media, and that’s not a bad idea, however he could start new accounts and you wouldn’t know.

I would tell him you need a talk about social media

• I saw the messages you sent, anyone could have ( her friends, her parents, her headteacher, your headteacher if someone reported them)
• they were really inappropriate and if I ever see evidence of you sending sexualised messages again we will be seriously reviewing your privileges.
• there will always be people online, friends or otherwise, who will try to rile you or get you to do outrageous things. Sometimes just because they want to laugh at you with their friends, want to take advantage of you sexually, or to blackmail you. Don’t fall for it. Stick to your values.
• then insist on phone charged downstairs at night and monitor the notifications occasionally, or reserve the right to check (harder on snapchat). He is only 12 and you have clear reasons to check.
• this is not a disaster its a learning curve and he needs safe boundaries from you to deal with adolescence.

Thank you all for your replies they're very helpful xx