Lets talk controlled crying. Love to hear your thoughts!

[Chelseamum]

I am product of controlled crying. I think I am a pretty balanced individual that loves sleeping. I just sleep like a log since I can remember... never had any probs sleeping.... well when I was pregnant I given the extra weight it was a bit umcomfortable but never had any major issues.

In order to help my baby to rest properly I started a routine with her at 4 months that involved controlled crying in the evenings. Since then she has slept like an angel. She is an amazing happy child. She is 11 months and sleeps 11 hours every night from 8pm till 7am plus two hours am and pm.

I get very frustated everytime I read in mumsnet arguments againsts it as I have a very good example of controlled crying and a happy baby.

Please share your experiences with me I am very interested!

I hate the idea but have never tried it.

When babies are left to cry, their cortisol levels ( a stress hormone in the brain) rises significantly according to research, and this sets the baseline level for the rest of their lives IIRC.

And it has been shown that people with raised cortisol levels are much more prone to depression, mental health problems and general unhappiness...I know this is all theory and perhaps real life examples are better as reference, but hearing all that scared me witless and TBH I agree with the previous poster - rather stick pins in my eyes than hear them cry for me.

My head says maybe but every inch of myself says it's cruel...

ive tried it with both DC.

With DD it didnt work, she still cried and after a few days we gave up. She never went to sleep at nap time on her own but bizarely would at bedtime. This resulted in her giving up naps at 18 months as we got fed up of holding her down to get her to sleep. That said she is now 3 and goes to bed perfectly, she reads a book on her own and goes to sleep.

We did CC on DS and it worked. It only took 2 nights and since then he goes to sleep on his own for naps and bedtime. He still wakes once at night and I do take him out of his cot and cuddle him a bit but he goes back in his cot awake and falls to sleep.

I guess it just works on those children who are happy doing it.

I would never try controlled crying. A baby doesnt have the capacity to know that when you leave it that you will be coming back especially in the first year of its life. So CC can hinder the attachment process.
My Dd1 had terrible sleep problems we used the sshh pat method which is in the Baby Whisperer book, you stay with your baby the whole time, until it falls asleep. This was excellent for us. I would adise anyone to look at Attachment theory before deciding to do CC.

totally totally agree, ghosty, exactly the same with us and I wish I'd never done it, who knows if that's why he's like he is at bedtimes but I always wonder
is cc more common with first children? i just wonder cos I know when ds was born i had all sorts of funny ideas about how he had to live round our lives not the other way round etc. given up on that by now of course

I know people that have done CC and its worked very well. I normally stay by ds cot without talking, maybe shushing and not making eye contact. I know he is tired and though he really cries at least I am with him. He is still very young and is particularly sensitive so I personally wouldn't leave him. I think it depends on the child. Wouldn't ever condemn anyone who tries it.

Elibean - I think there is confusion over CC and 'Cry it out'

CC - going in at increasing amounts of time i.e. 3,5,7,10 minutes (no more than 15), settling them to let them know you haven't adandoned them and then leaving the room - good form of sleep 'training' IMO

Cry it out - leaving them to cry until they fall asleep - absolutely cruel IMO

My 5 month old has been waking in the night for no apparent reason (has never slept through consistently, managed it 5 times in 5 months). So this week I have started going in, checking he is OK (i.e. not feverish, uncomfortable in his cot etc) and leave him to cry for no longer than 5 minutes.

Whether or not it is fluke, he has settled himself within the first five minutes without me. Hope it continues.

Oyy Chelseamum - you are missing all the replies to your duplicate thread over here

Thanks for clarifying, Wilkie, was genuinely confused. CC doesn't sound as extreme, though 15 minutes for a baby under a year old must feel like a lifetime and I personally don't feel comfortable with it at all.

I did do a version of baby-whispererish stuff with dd1, the odd times that we needed to do something (am remembering getting rid of the dummy at 6 months, when sleep started getting rough).

When I did let her cry for a few minutes she was 14 months old, and I could feel the crying was different - more angry; she was testing her power to make me do things, and it felt important to set a boundary. I sat in the room, told her it was time to sleep and night night, that I was there with her but no more talking, and then said nothing. She would be furious, and cry, then go to sleep within 15 minutes - but I never left her alone, and it only happened a few times.

Most of all, I do think there's a big difference between 14 months and 6 months, I really do.

Elibean, thank you for you lovely post.
In fact, just this morning DS was having a snuggle in my bed at 4.30am because he had had a bad dream. I cuddle him as much as I can, which, at 7, causes him some embarrassment at times

As many people have said, babies are all different. Some just don't seem to need so much sleep. My daughter is like this (along with several other people in my family) and we have learnt not to force her to sleep she just crashes out when she wants. At the moment aged 3 she goes to be at about 9 pm and wakes up at about 6-7. She really likes her bed though and will quite happily climb in and go to sleep on her own when she is ready. To us that is perfect. I did try cc when she was younger but you get into odd things of her crashng because she is tired from crying and being upset about going to bed and then getting up at 3 or 4 am bright and bushey tailed and wanting her breakfast which is knackering.

You just have to go with what works for the individual child. A bit of intuition goes a long way.

I did it with dd when she was 7 months old. It did work, but she was always a good sleeper, she was just having a blip.

I tried it again after she had been ill and wouldn't settle at 10 months old.

She fell asleep....sitting up with her head on her cuddly rabbit.

It broke my heart. Never ever again!

Personally I think CC is bordering on child abuse. I don't doubt that it works, but at what cost?

I would never do CC and luckily my mums felt the same and I have never had any problems sleeping.
MIL is always saying DS needs to be left to cry, but DH was CCd and he is now a very bad sleeper.

I think it's such a shame so many people (all but a couple of everyone a know in RL ).

People say it doesn't do any harm, but there is NO EVIDENCE, there has not been research done to support either views.

I think the reason people are so keen to recommend it (apart from that absurd idea that little babies should fit in to our lives and routines and we shouldn't make any sacrifices) is that they feel guilty and if more people do it then they can justify it to themselves.

Sorry a bit harsh, but I feel strongly about this, and I'm sooo fed up with strangers telling me I should leave my 17 months old DS to cry.... And to stop BFing him.... And to stop carrying him in a sling....

Hmmm archies - I'm so fed up with people like you telling me I am bordering on child abuse by doing CC

God, how many people have said that to you Wilkie? Hoiw long have you been doing it for?

i feel the same as archie
and wilkie if you are allowed to think it is fine then we are also allowed to think its hideous

Child abuse is a pretty strong term to use

CC is a technique which parents can decide whether or not to use, depending on their circumstances and situations. Some parents may be desperate to have some sleep and try anything. Sleep deprivation is an awful thing.

Not everyone has to support it, like it or use it, but some people may really feel they need to do something, anything. I think its better to be informed and educated to it rather than have it stigmatised and to make desperate parents feel even more dreadful about using it than they already do for not having slept for months.

CC is not a parenting method that I have ever tried.
I just couldn't ever contemplate leaving my tiny child to cry, and not respond to those cries.

I don't agree with CC at all....never even tried it with any of mine. I couldn't leave my little pickles to cry themselves to sleep....would break my heart.

Compo - funnily enough it is just the people on MN that seem to patrol the sleep threads looking for a dispute. God forbid we just accept that we each have different parenting methods and band phrases such as 'child abuse' about with carefree abandon

BTW, Foxybrown - voice of reason - thank you for putting into words what I have been trying to say. You are far more eloquent though

Agree well said Foxybrown

I think its easy to try these things when you have a baby (first one particularly) and then feel like they are working just because you feel like you are being pro active when maybe there are other options that would be kinder to the child, even though it might be efficient for mum and dad in the short term to use CC, it would worry me what the long term effect of being left to cry, even for a few minutes, would have on a child's self esteem? I know I wouldn't put up with being ignored by my family if I was upset.

I am coming from the viewpoint of having tried it. Its not something I would do with any other kids after the experience I had with our brief try when my daughter was small. I quickly realised it wasn't the kindest thing to do and am glad we stopped after the first attempt. In my brief experience it caused more guilt and unhappiness than it solved. To cause a child to be upset seems mad.

Nicely put lailasmum

My ds cried much less after a couple of nights of controlled crying. And slept more. Which had a very positive effect on all of us.

And God knows I did a lot less crying once he started sleeing as well..

But that is just my point beckybrastraps.
When left to cry, even for just a few minutes, baby learns that no one comes if they cry, so they stop.

I think it's breaking their spirit, and it seems such a selfish thing to do to a little child..