Lets talk controlled crying. Love to hear your thoughts!

[Chelseamum]

I am product of controlled crying. I think I am a pretty balanced individual that loves sleeping. I just sleep like a log since I can remember... never had any probs sleeping.... well when I was pregnant I given the extra weight it was a bit umcomfortable but never had any major issues.

In order to help my baby to rest properly I started a routine with her at 4 months that involved controlled crying in the evenings. Since then she has slept like an angel. She is an amazing happy child. She is 11 months and sleeps 11 hours every night from 8pm till 7am plus two hours am and pm.

I get very frustated everytime I read in mumsnet arguments againsts it as I have a very good example of controlled crying and a happy baby.

Please share your experiences with me I am very interested!

I never did controlled crying and my babies slept like angels

My mother did controlled crying the likes of which she applied to all aspects of growing up. I hated her till i was 15yrs old.

I don't have too much of a problem with it applied FLEXIBLY. Sometimes babies do need to be left to fuss themselves to sleep, and with my DS it can certainly make it worse to go into him. BUT when I do go in when he's crying, if I think he needs picking up then I'll pick him up. If he needs to come downstairs then I'll bring him down. ie I trust my own instincts and nothing is rigid.

Actually, that's not really controlled crying is it?

I think my mum did controlled crying with me. At least she keeps saying helpful things like - oooh well he knows he's going to get attention doesn't he? He's learning that you'll come. Well, yes, I'd hope so.

you have found CC to be an excellent method for organising your own childs sleeping pattern.
thast great.

there are a great many women who just don't feel comfortable allowing their child to cry for long periods of time at sucha young age. for that reason the technique doesn't work.

i am pleased you and yoru child have such a good sleep pattern but the forst rule of parenting is acknowledging that all babies are unique...no one method will work with every baby.

My DD slept through at 11 weeks from 7pm till 9am without any form of controlled crying.

My DS didnt sleep much at all. Ever. No method of anything really helped at all, until I did patting and shushing at 10.5 months.

Luck of the draw it is.

I dont like controlled crying. For many reasons. Mainly that if a child requires comfort - why not give it? I dont think it is developmentally possible for young babies to develop 'bad habits' either.

Although I hope harpsichordcarrier pops along and explains because she is far more eloquent on this subject than I am.

9 am!

OH dont be...she gets up at the crack of dawn now

fortunately, she usually wakes DP up

But this week, its been 5am, 6am and 6.30am. She goes through the odd phase like this. She is 4 now though.

Thanks for your views girls. Perhaps I shall wait till I have the second one!

All I can say is that before we started the so called cc my dd would not settle for the evening sleep. Since we started she went down like an angel after just 3 or 4 days. I also agree that we are all different so perhaps does not suit everyone!

I tell you it did suit me! I love sleeping!

never did cc. I couldn't bear to leave my baby crying when all he wanted was some comfort from his mum. especially not at 12 weeks.
I Know it works for some people, but personally I just couldn't do it

I resorted to CC when DD was 18 months because I couldnt sit by her cot for 4 hours every evening until she finally nodded off. (It could take 30 mins and other times it would take 4 hours)

It kind of worked. I say kind of because for every 3 weeks that she will drop off by herself, theres another 3 of crying again... It has got slightly better since shes gotten older, shes now 2.3 years. She now understands its bed time and if the lamps on and the doors open, she fairly much goes off to sleep.

But it has left me with a rather confused stance on CC, on one hand, it has allowed me to put DD to bed and get on with whatever chores I have to do in the evening but on the other, she still cries sometimes, so im not sure it is a complete method. I do agree however, that every child is different and you have to go off how you feel as the parent.

but oncebitten, you did it with a much older child, who had a much better idea of "if mummy goes, then she comes back again" and presumably now she is older you can explain this to her even more.

a tiny baby can't understand that. they want security and comfort and so they cry because it's the only way they can communicate. Only, no-one comes

I think whether CC appears to work or not probably depends why your baby's crying in the first place. It's possible Chelseamum that your DD was doing the fussing thing that my DS often does. But I can tell you, if I think it's gone beyond fussing into full blown "I need my mummy" crying, I'm up there in a shot.

oh finger woman don't start me off... it was a wretched time... Although, you are right, I did wait until i thought she was old enough. At 18 months, she was more aware. I have this debate quite often with my sis who has a 6month old. She has done CC from 2 months!!! Shes sooo thicker skinned than me, but saying that her DD is such a good sleeper and soooo well behaved! Sometimes there seems to be no logic...

god, 2 months??? don't the books that suggest controlled crying say that it shouldn't be done before 6 months?
I still get that heart in mouth feeling when I hear ds cry and he's 2 lol

the thing is, your dd may have been the same even if ytou had done cc earlier. and her's may have been the same if she hadn't done it. there is no way of knowing.

i know finger woman, despite my giving her my 2 beloved mums net books, my sis doesn't read anything, shes just right in there with her sleeves rolled up at the elbows, purifying foods for weaning and doing CC with no hint of research! But the irony is, her DD is an angel and mine (I was v.well read) was a bit of a minx. It's just sods law isnt it!!!

Her DD could be an angel because she's given up on getting any attention? That would be really sad though.

lol at "purifying" foods

Yes! And she still hasnt given me my books back ... mums on pregnancy & mums on toddlers...

Do you really want to know what I think about this?
Okay, I think its barbaric to do that to a 4 months old, and I dont know how you could stand listening to your 4 month old baby crying. Id rather stick pins in my eyes.
I don`t know whether its different for an older baby, say after the age of 1, who can understand the concept of needing to go to sleep, but not for a little baby.

All I know is:

First child, DS ... did CC, consistently and for a long time, like it tells you .... didn't deviate or give in - did the black out blinds and everything. It never made him sleep any better ... now at 7 he is still a crap sleeper, struggles to go to sleep, is terrified of the dark, has bad dreams often and wakes up early.

Second child, DD ... DIDN'T do CC and didn't have black outs ... ever, at all. She, at 3.4, LOVES going to bed, sleeps all night, rarely gets up or calls out, lies in (7am IS a lie in in this house), couldn't care less of the dark - will sleep anywhere if she is tired .... even if there was a brass band in her room with floodlights shining down.

So, conclusion ... IMO CC stinks and I wish, so much sometimes it makes me weep, that I had never picked up that stinking book that told me to do it and that I cuddled my little boy instead

Yes to a very light version of CC once your baby is older. No no no to leaving a small baby to cry. We know better these days, don't we?

My sister thought it worked until she had number 2. Now she knows she was just lucky first time round.

Never has worked for us. I think that if it does, you prob have a baby that was going to sleep well anyway. Also I have very strong feelings about leaving a tiny baby to cry without attention. There is evidence to suggest that this kind of neglect early in life reorganises brain patterns and increases likelihood of excessive cortisol and stress in the child.

I wouldn't personally try leaving them crying for a long time until they are speaking and understanding language, and even then, as they can get scared. We are all they have in the world at that age, and they need us. Why pretend otherwise?

I am the highly unsocial, shy and nervous product of a late 60s parenting method that included cc and early weaning.

Happy to report that my children are far more aware of what they want, how to talk to people, and have no problems sleeping at all. Two have not ever slept more than 10 hours, the third naturally sleeps around 11 even now. As VVV says, it's the luck of the draw as far as I'm concerned.

It seems thre are 2 threads of this so I've copied and pasted my post from the other one.....

I've never used CC on any of my children because frankly I think its cruel.

IMO they only "learn to sleep" because they learn that no-one is coming to comfort them and thats why I could never do it.

The point about controlled crying is you do it when your child is whinging, not distressed. So can I ask why is it cruel? Did with DD just before she turned one - happy, healthy, loves her sleep. Never wakes in the night unless ill. Haven't done it with ds (10 mths) yet

Sorry, meant to add - with CC you do go in and comfort them - even pick them up if necessary. Just don't remove them from the room

Would someone please clarify, for those of us who've never bothered to find out, what CC really is?

I thought it was leaving them to cry for ever increasing periods of time till they didn't do it anymore? Am I wrong?

FWIW, I never left dd1 to cry alone until she was at least 14 months old (and then only for a few minutes of 'fussing' type crying, never the hearbroken sort) and she is now 3.5 and a great sleeper, who loves her bed, her own company, and sleeping in when we do. dd2 is only 6 months and wouldn't leave her to cry, even if she didnt' have reflux (which makes her an intermittent sleeper: she loves to go to sleep, but will wake up with cries of pain at intervals).

My fear of breaking their trust would be far too great.

Ghosty, your post made me want to cry.

Its perfectly possible that none of your ds's sleep issues are related to choices you made when he was a baby - just really rough that you can't ever know for sure. But its never too late to hug your little boy, and help him through nightmares etc - and I bet you do, beautifully.