Legal guardianship of your child if anything happened to you and their other parent

[bourbonbiccy]

I have recently experienced the devastatingly heartbreaking bereavement of my amazing mum. I have an 11 month old and it has left me starting to make plans and put things in place if anything ever happens to me. This led me to thinking, what would happen if anything happened to both myself and my hubby. While my brother is an amazing person and I would love my son to grow up to have a lot if his qualities and I know he would look after my son in every way possible, he is not great with kids and both him and his partner have said they don't want kids, and my brother regularly says his partner can't look after herself never mind a kid or pet. But my brother has made a comment about obviously "getting" my son if anything happened to us. But I feel my hubby sister would be better equipped.but I would want caviats in place like she couldn't move him out the country so my family can't see him etc

Sorry about that waffle, so in short has anyone put a legal guardianship in place in a will? Who did you award it too and why? And did you put any caviats in.

This terrifies me. I have no family and DH's family are all in Italy and don't speak any English. Where would the kids go if DH and I died? The system.

Yes it's in our will. To my Mum and to my SIL if Mum is unable/unwilling/not in good health etc. They get our assets in trust for the kids and can use them for education etc. in our will drawn up by a lawyer.

@flowerpicture have you thought of naming a friend (after asking them first, obviously!)

@laptopdisaster did you need the designated person with you to say they agree ? and could you state any terms that go with it?

Yes of course you need to discuss it with your chosen person before you make a decision. Talk to the brother and the sisil to see how they feel

When I was pregnant with ds we made a will that dh's brother and his wife would have ds. But with ds now a teenager things have changed - a close friend would have him now as I wouldn't want him to move away from everything he knows.

I know a very sensible couple who just never made a choice - the decision will be made at the time anyway.

@Singlenotsingle oohh yeah I know I need to discuss it with the chosen person. We didn't plan on just putting it in a will and god forbid anything did happen to us, our DS just turns up on the doorstep lol

The question was if anyone had put it in place . Who they chose and why ? And if any caviats had been put in place? Just to see if people mention things I haven't thought of before making such a massive decision and guidance on how they went about it if they had stipulations to go with it.

We named my best friend, who is also godparent, as guardian to our children - she was close to them and was an excellent parent to her own children. Assets were left in trust, with my BIL as an additional trustee because he is excellent with money.

@PlatypusPie ah that's interesting that the assets were left in trust to someone separate from the custody. My brother is excellent with money so I could nominate him for that aspect and maybe SIL day to day care. Thanks for that info, much appreciated.

My brother and his wife would be guardian - they have kids the same age and our kids adore them.

Then my brother, my sister and my sister in law would be trustees. Lots of life insurance and trustees would be able to use inheritance money as they saw fit to support the kids. The guardians would need a bigger house for a start.

Obviously we asked if they were ok with this and at least one family member was a bit miffed not to be guardian. But it’s the right decision for us and they have to suck it up!

They don't need to be there, but of course they need to agree. I'd doubt caveats can be legally enforced but you'd need proper advice.

My brother and a friend are trustees and my best friend is my boys’ guardian should dh and I both go at the same time.

Caveats include maintaining friendships will our current friends, contact with both sets of GPs, not being brought up in any kind of religion and going to the school they’re at now.

It horrifies me the number of people who leave this stuff to chance.

My DS would live with my SIL. Our plans for DS's education and finances, if anything should happen to us, are clearly set out.

Really useful thread, literally just been talking to DH about this. Would it legally stand up to also list someone you definitely didn't want to be a guardian? I ask because my brother and SIL just had a baby...we have an awful relationship with them, truly unpleasant people, but they are the only ones out of all our siblings to have a child. And the "powers that be" might then decide they are the obvious choice which is the last thing we would want.

@Firenight yeah that was one of my thinking my brother wouldn't need a bigger house to accommodate DS but my SIL would as she is already full to the brim, so that's something to consider, thanks for the post
Also my SIL and her hubby are 10 yrs older than my brother so at some point I feel maybe they may be too old ,but I suppose actually they are only around the same age as my hubby, so shouldn't really think like that lol

My sister because her parenting style is similar to mine, joint with my adult niece (my sisters eldest) as she fab with my daughter and is in her 20s whereas my sister is 10 years older than me . It’s in my will.

@WhyBird2k yeah could you have in your will under no circumstances does ....... Get a look in at having any influence over my DS future. I think I could name someone for that !

I like the plans set out like must see both sets of GPs, how did you make this legal or was this just a request as such , sorry just wondering
I would like to say you can't move anywhere where my family can't get to in less than 2hrs ...but that might sound a bit psycho

I have added legal guardianship to my will in the event my parents pass away also. I have no other family so have asked one of my friends to look after the children should anything happen.
She absolutely loves children and trained in childcare and teaching and I know would always do the best she could for my children should the need arise.
For WhyBird2K There was someone in the family I didn't want to take guardianship as I do not believe they would provide my children with the lifestyle that I would like them to grow up in (think no heating, no furniture in the house, cookers that do not work despite having hundreds of thousands in savings and guns in the house, although legal guns). The lawyer said that although this might not work if it were to go to court it was added to the will and the reasons why so at least the courts can take this into account. But as this person would have more "rights" to the children than my friend we wouldn't know unless it came down to it. To help prevent this I have left the people who I have named to look after the children the entirety of my estate to be used for the benefit of the children and strict instructions on how best to fight for custody in the courts should it be required. This will ensure that my friend will have the money to be able to not only provide for my children until they are of adult age but also fight any legal battles.
I have set up separate accounts for the children so that they would also inherit something if needed but they cannot access it until they turn 25. (Purely because I know what I was like at 18 :p )

Bourbon exactly! The not to be guardians are as important to be listed as the actual guardians! I think you can write whatever you want in your will but just don't know how legally binding these things are.

I would highly doubt the caveats are enforceable but I wouldn’t have chosen my guardians if I didn’t trust them to respect our wishes.

pixiedust that's really useful to know actually. Did your solicitor think the relative had more "rights" than your friend just because they were related to you? it seems absurd that the courts could still override your decision based on family members coming first. The idea of leaving your named guardians your whole estate is very wise, the courts will surely see that they can then support the children financially. Still annoys me now that I know that "family" trump friends, cousins etc.

@zzzzz the choice of people I have in mind would not be offended if I chose to ask someone else to manage my DS estate until he comes of age, while they look after them daily. I would also just like to ensure my DS would not be taken away from either side of the family. I am currently sorting out my mums estate, and would not believe how certain members of the family have behaved, so I would just like it set out in stone! So it can't be said " they wouldn't have minded if we move to Australia" ...yeah we would ...Luckily no-one involved would be offended by this either.

@zzzzz also the people who would be guardians of DS would not describe it as "grunt" work, but a privilege to guide their beautiful nephew through life ( all be it with some ups and downs to be had )