Is it developmentally appropriate to expect a 2 year old to remain at the table to eat a meal?

[DieAntword]

I am fed up of my son getting down from the table and running around, playing with his toys, getting into mischief, running in and out and getting food that he grabs and goes everywhere etc while we are trying to eat.

I decided to institute a new rule that he must stay at the table until dismissed. He doesn't have to eat if he doesn't want to but he has to sit with us and if he gets down before being dismissed then he goes in time out.

I remember having a similar rule applied to me as a child but I was older I can't remember anything much from mealtimes when I was 2.

I tried taking his food away if he gets down before but he just fills up on snacks later - fruit and things - and doesn't seem at all put out by not having food or only a few bites at mealtimes.

At a cafe he is much better at staying at the table (although honestly his behaviour in cafes is deteriorating compared to how it used to be) but I imagine that's because there's strangers around and he is a bit shy.

How close to 3 is he? My DD couldn't sit through a whole meal when she just turned 2. She is nearly 3 now and will quite happily sit with us at the table until she has finished eating.

It helped that we made a big thing of meal times being family time to sit together, so no t.v. or phones etc.

We talk about our days and at 2 she couldn't really participate in that but now she does.

Can you physically stop him from getting down? DD is in a booster seat at the table and she can't unclog the straps by herself.

*unclip

No? Hence high chairs? Maybe some children can but most toddlers seem to have ants in their pants the second they decide they are no longer interested in eating - which usually isn't long. FWIW, we never did snacks past about 18 months. Helped DD focus on mealtimes. She is very healthy, energetic, & extremely tall.

He's only just turned 2 on the 7th of July.

We don't have a booster or anything, he has his own little table and chair set which is pushed up against the adult table so it's all like one big table with two levels. He used to kneel on the adult chairs but I got him the little table set exactly because I felt kneeling was encouraging him to move around too much and try and climb on the table and things and sitting in a chair properly might alleviate it.

I'm worried about cutting snacks because he has visible spine bones and I am not sure if that's ok. Like he is a skinny looking lad. I know its normal to see ribs, but is the spine ok to see? It worries me although he seems healthy enough and for sure has a TONNE of energy!

Both of my children have always sat at the table very until everyone had finished. They are nearly 2 and nearly 4.

If your dining set will accommodate it, maybe try a booster then? That way he's clipped in, and might feel more involved if he's at the same height as everyone else.

Mothercare do one for about a tenner.

But as he's only just 2 he might just not have the attention span yet, my DD didn't at that ago.

My 2 y old sits with us until the end of the meal. He never gets any toys until he finishes his food (and pudding, and vitamines). When he's done eating he says he's done, hands us his bowl and we don't try to persuade him to have more food, nor give the bowl back. If he is really done eating before us, we give him one toy or some colouring.

However, he's been like this since before he started solids - dinner is when we all sit together. I imagine, from trying to introduce other changes to his life which he does not immediately approve of, that making a toddler who is not used to it to start behaving like that will be a slow gradual process (and infuriating for you). Could you start with toys at the table rather than running around, to get him to at least sit through the meal? Then gradually reduce the number of toys etc?

Instead of time out you could try just bringing him back every single time he gets down. He might have a temper tantrum about it, but he'll learn quite quick that attempting to get down is futile.

I really think it's unwise to make any associations between eating and punishment at this young age. Being put in time out for leaving the table without permission, for a child who has just turned 2 years old, may create issues around eating that you will not want to have to deal with.

Could you start with toys at the table rather than running around, to get him to at least sit through the meal?

He's doesn't really sit still with toys tbh. I am not sure they'd help him stay at the table. Pretty much the only time he sits still when not contained or in motion (say on the bus or a train) is when I read him a story.

But obviously if he can stay in his seat on the bus he should be able to at the table right? Although he looks out the window on the bus so there's something to see.

Maybe books at the table might work, for him to look at not us to read. He "reads" books to himself in his cot if he isn't ready to sleep yet so I know he can calmly look through a book.

We originally let my son out of the highchair because he always used to struggle so much to escape instead of eating and at first being allowed to sit on a normal chair really did help him eat more because I guess he felt grown up. But that must have been around a year ago. Now his brother is in the high chair.

I might try the booster thing but it feels like a backwards step somehow. If he hasn't got the hang of sitting better after a week or so though it might be what's required.

I definitely think we need a rule of not bringing phones to the table. I admit I am really bad for that.

I use a booster for my just turned 3 year old and have just put my 5 year old back in one.

Neither of mine can sit still otherwise. And actually, if you try lowering yourself down to their level, you can see why this is. Hence why my 5 year old now sits in one.

I would not expect a just turned 2 year old to be able to sit at a table for an entire meal. Not unless they were at the right height and restrained.

My son was able to do that at 2 yes. In fact from when he started sitting at the table to eat he never ever got up.

Hes really little. Get a booster

he never ever got up.

Never even tried?

How about getting a chair for him that's the right height for the adult table? Like a babydan one or I think there's a similar Hauck one. And keep his little table and chair for playing, snacks etc. However I wouldn't worry too much about it at this age, my nearly 2 year old won't sit for long after she's finished eating. She'll start throwing food when she's finished or when she doesn't want something, and I'm not really getting anywhere with stopping that no matter what I do, so I don't think your problem is that bad!

I think some could, but most 2 and even 3 year olds can't sit still. Get him strapped in!

I think you need to keep expectations reasonable - a short meal is OK but a long meal may be tough.

Are mealtimes fun for him you sitting down, eating with him and talking/including him?

Are you giving him extra snacks if he gets down? You might be inadvertantly making getting down the better option as he gets fun snacks if he gets down. I would not offer anything until the next scheduled snack or mealtime.

I would have him at the same table as you, strapped in a booster or high chair. He probably feels as though he’s not part of the family meal sitting at a different level on his own.
I work in a nursery (in the two year olds class), they all have to sit at tables to eat. We have the occasional one who doesn’t want to but it’s non negotiable. If they repeatedly try to wander off or throw a tantrum about it they are simply placed back on the chair every time, they soon get the message! So yes two year olds are capable but they need you to set the rules and help them.

I find this really interesting. If you'd asked me when I only had DS1 I would have said 'absolutely be stays at the table, he never gets up and only will get down when given permission'. He's nearly four and it's the same now. BUT. DS2 is 14 months and a bloody nightmare at the table. Stands in his high chair. Throws food everywhere. Gets down. Wants to sit on my lap. Wants to get down. They were treated exactly the same. But they are total opposites. I now laugh at the old me and other parents who thinks it's reasonable for a small child to stay sitting at the table for an entire meal.

It sounds obvious but it's easy to forget that each child is different. So what some kids can sit at the table for the duration of a meal at two and some can't.
What I would do is slowly try to extend the time your child stays at the table. Maybe when he goes to get down ask him to stay for two more mouthfuls or one more minute or something.
For me mealtime rule number 1 was to keep it as a happy pleasant time- and the adults are the ones who can affect that. No nagging, no getting cross, no turning it into a chore.
Of course I wasn't always successful at keeping to that but by and large I have been.

Are mealtimes fun for him you sitting down, eating with him and talking/including him?

We try but honestly for the most part me and my husband shovel food into our faces at insanely fast speed forgetting to talk or anything else.

OP that’s why it would be better for your ds to be sitting with the both of you, it would force you to interact with him more at the table.

Just turned 2 year old here, sits on booster seat (not strapped) at dining table, just on normal chair when we eat from outside table, slides around on a cushion on chair if we ever eat at Gran's, normal seats out and about. My boys have seemed too big/tall for high chair by 2, but we used a booster until about 3 with eldest (only for height though not to restrain in). Littlest is a parp at mealtimes but I mostly let him be as long as he's always sitting to actually eat. We're starting to ditch routine snacks here so he's hopefully less all over the place at mealtimes too - he's on the lean side too but they don't starve themselves as long as food offered regularly :)

Just to add I would ditch the little table at your meal times if possible though - he won't feel a part of yours if it's that much lower, and kids always seem to wiggle and faff at them anyway!