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Parenting

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Original poster

Is it developmentally appropriate to expect a 2 year old to remain at the table to eat a meal?

64 replies

DieAntword · 20/07/2018 11:46

I am fed up of my son getting down from the table and running around, playing with his toys, getting into mischief, running in and out and getting food that he grabs and goes everywhere etc while we are trying to eat.

I decided to institute a new rule that he must stay at the table until dismissed. He doesn't have to eat if he doesn't want to but he has to sit with us and if he gets down before being dismissed then he goes in time out.

I remember having a similar rule applied to me as a child but I was older I can't remember anything much from mealtimes when I was 2.

I tried taking his food away if he gets down before but he just fills up on snacks later - fruit and things - and doesn't seem at all put out by not having food or only a few bites at mealtimes.

At a cafe he is much better at staying at the table (although honestly his behaviour in cafes is deteriorating compared to how it used to be) but I imagine that's because there's strangers around and he is a bit shy.

OP posts:

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PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 20/07/2018 15:48

No. My DC were in booster seats at home and high chairs when we were out at that age.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 20/07/2018 15:50

Every child has visible spine bones.

Foodylicious · 20/07/2018 15:55

Sooo depends on your child I think?
Hence done seem to respond well to instruction and others not so much.

It doesn't mean you don't try, but maybe reduce your expectations a bit.

We would sometimes have picnic meals on the floor.
DS is four now and sometimes still struggles to sit for long.
I try to keep meal times relaxed and informal, but we do talk about manners sometimes.

I think you have to ask yourself how important it is to you and why that Is?

I found I tried to match up to what others did, but often that's not right for us.
Or just not right now.

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2 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

PandaG · 20/07/2018 15:59

If you are not including him in conversation at the table it is not surprising he gets down. Agree with PP to use a booster or similar so he can sit up with you. Try to chat to him a bit, encourage him to eat.

Rach000 · 20/07/2018 16:53

My 3 year old doesn't very often but she isn't a great eater and food doesn't interest her a lot. She would go without tea if we let her.
We have a booster seat for her which is good so she can sit at the table without kneeling. We don't restrain her as she would just get out herself. I think we will have it for a while still. Just straps to the chair.
Don't think a 2 year old would sit for a whole meal unless they were very chilled which my dd isn't.

hornbeam · 20/07/2018 17:28

You need to have a conversation at the table then, and include him - pay him some attention. As long as you are either on your phone or scoffing in silence, then he's going to be bored and fidget.
And get a proper booster so he's at the same level table as you. At the moment, he can't see what you are doing, can he?

LovingLola · 20/07/2018 17:34

So you expect perfect behaviour and patience from a toddler at the dinner table while you and his father shovel food into your faces while being on your phones at the same time?
You're having a laugh right?

Neolara · 20/07/2018 17:42

Some 2yos may be able to sit quietly at the table for that long but I suspect most 2 won't. You are also about to hit the terrible twos and frankly, some battles are really not having. In 6 months time your dc may be throwing themselves on the floor hysterically because you've committed the crime of flushing a loo / given them the blue plate instead of the green one / telling them they aren't really a cat. Just stick to rules that actually important and stand a fair chance of being complied with. By 4 your dc will easily be able to stay in their seat through meals. Imo, the struggle to get an only just 2yo to do this is probably not worth the pain.

PrincessPear · 20/07/2018 17:44

I wouldn’t expect mine to.

arbrighton · 20/07/2018 18:40

You bring a phone (an adult toy) but expect DS who's just two to sit up til 'dismissed'?

Arse backwards

And time out doesn't work at that age either, they don't understand it.

Just get a booster

MynameisJune · 20/07/2018 18:48

You need to model the behaviour you want and expect. You can’t expect him to sit still when he is pretty much excluded from you on a different table and then because you shovel food in your mouth and don’t talk.

DD is 2.7, she has sat at the table with us for every meal at home out. We don’t have phones or toys, she sits still until we’re all finished but we talk to her even when she couldn’t really talk.

Jozxyqk · 20/07/2018 19:06

If you're not interacting with him, or looking at him, or even modelling good mealtime behaviour that he can really see as he's at a different table, he will obviously be bored. You seem to have provided entertainment for yourselves (the phones) but think it unreasonable that he likewise wants entertainment - why is that?

elephantfan · 20/07/2018 19:11

He needs to be at the same level as you so he can join in the meal.
No snacks in between.
15 minutes is a reasonable time if he is only just 2.

Original poster

DieAntword · 20/07/2018 19:32

I obviously hate bringing my phone and hundreds of times have resolved not to but I’ve always ended up sitting on my own at the table - kid ran off, husband deciding to cook something for himself different and I’m there alone eating and I end up getting my phone out and the habit is back.

Like I completely get that we are failing hard at this and not doing things right at all and I keep trying to fix those things but the reality is we fail a lot.

OP posts:

LovingLola · 20/07/2018 19:49

Well focus on the adults first and when you have cracked that one focus on your toddler.
Put your phone in time out rather than your toddler.

Hiphopopotamus · 20/07/2018 19:59

So do you put yourself in time out when you don’t adhear to the rules, or isn’t it just your toddler that gets in trouble? Focus on yourself first - your son will be more likely to model your behaviour if you and your husband are actually interacting and talking at dinner

Original poster

DieAntword · 20/07/2018 20:09

If I wait until I’m perfect before teaching my son how to behave he’ll be dead before it happens...

OP posts:

gemandjule · 20/07/2018 20:10

I have 4 children. Oldest will be 24 tomorrow 😲😲😲, youngest 17. 2 boys, 2 girls. Oldest finished university, first in his class about to start a masters in neuroscience, second on track for 1st class honors degree also. Third doing very well just finished 1st year uni and youngest still in school but part tone job, has been doing voluntary work in Africa etc. my point being , all productive and functional members of society. NONE of them would have sat quietly for the length of a meal at just turned 2. Honestly, they’re only babies at this age. Absolutely encourage it. Engage with them, persevere with family dinners and dinners out but cut them some slack too. Not being able to sit still at 2 does not equal delinquents! Hang in there. He will be fine!

Tumon · 20/07/2018 20:14

My son is nearly two and there is no way I would expect him to sit through a meal like that. Maybe I’m just too soft but I can understand why at their age they wouldn’t want to or fully understand why they have to.
Saying that , it is something I would like to start working towards and don’t have the foggiest idea where to start so good suggestions here ! I would think in a years time it might be more reasonable

Mindchilder · 20/07/2018 20:17

Are we talking a 20 minute meal or an hour long 3 course adult dinner?

It's normally and appropriate for a 2 year old to sit at the table without toys for 20-30 minutes.
If he was at nursery he would be expected to sit and eat nicely and wouldn't have the option of getting down until everyone was finished.

littledinaco · 20/07/2018 20:29

I would say having him at his own table lower down probably isn’t helping. I would use a booster or highchair to have him up to the table with you.

I also agree with the no snacks, mine do so much better when they are properly hungry. They have always mainly stayed at the table. When younger and got fed up I would sit on my knee. We’ve always all sat down though and talk about our day, ask them what their favourite thing they have done is, what they are looking forward to tomorrow, etc. If they’re not that hungry (late lunch or snack put in someone’s house, etc) then they do get fed up quickly and start asking to get down, messing about.

donquixotedelamancha · 20/07/2018 20:43

Yeah, I think it's fine.

We've been doing this since not long after DD came out of the high chair (2.5 now). She's far from perfect, but stays most times and usually returns quickly when she's asked. Took a lot of persistence- she's a fidget.

KatyN · 20/07/2018 21:05

Mine kind of does. She’s 2.10 her brother is 6. We all eat together. We all eat the same thing.
It is quite a quick affair. If they finish before us, I will get up and get them pudding. Then if we are still talking they can get down.

On a normal night she is hungry enough to take as long as I do to eat a meal. On a non hungry meal there is no point asking her to stay at the table.

Phones are allowed on the table if no one else is eating. Otherwise I take them away.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 20/07/2018 22:15

Like I completely get that we are failing hard at this and not doing things right at all and I keep trying to fix those things but the reality is we fail a lot.

OP! You have an exploring, lively toddler who doesn't always eat the lovely food you make him, who escapes the special table & chair you bought him to probably run off and play in his lovely room with all the toys you've got him. You are succeeding on MANY levels.

He's two! You speak as if he's 18 and leaving the table to go shoot orphans. 😮

It'll all work out. I think a booster is a great idea. Maternal guilt is a bad idea. You're doing great!

badg3r · 20/07/2018 22:46

Haha. I am clearly doing lots of things wrong 😂 DS1 is 3 1/2 and up and down like a yo-yo when it is just us. We never have phones or toys at the table, always chat together about our days and all eat the same. But he just doesn't care! I have decided we are just too boring now. At nursery and big family meals he will quite happily sit down and chat to everyone for 20 mins or do and clear his plate without any prompting.

DS2 is much younger but mainly enjoys climbing out of his high chair on to the table, having back arching meltdowns if I strap him in, and throwing his food on the floor.

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