Imagine if you never had children

[Imagineif]

... I'm new to Mumsnet and the reason I'm here is this...

I have children but a great friend of mine found out a year ago she cannot have children. It's a long story and she's asked me not to go in to it here BUT what she is interested in knowing what we would all do with our lives if we didn't have children. I know this thread mightn't be for everyone but if you'd like to humour me and imagine a life without our little darlings, what might the advantages of that other life be? My friend agreed that this could serve to really cheer her up. She also said that if the suggestions are good, she's thinking of starting up a blog where she tries out each and every suggestion, no matter how crazy.

I'll start it...

If I didn't have children I would...

1. Wake up when I wake up at the weekend.
2. Browse clothing stores after work when the mood takes me.
3. Read an entire novel from start to finish in one sitting.

I don’t think my response is going “cheer” your friend up.

I’d be utterly bereft without my two. And that’s the truth.

Travel
Travel
Travel

Outside of school holidays!

Probably not much. Go on a training course for non-NT people probably.

I don't have children, and I do the things on your list from time to time .

A topical one is not being tied to school holidays if you want to go away. The cost of the holiday I've just had is double once the school holiday weeks start.

A final one is that you can go out whenever you like without having to worry about a babysitter.

Oh I fantasise about this all the time!

Going to the toilet alone
Showering and bathing alone
Being called by my name and not someone’s Mum
Drinking hot tea
Eating all of my own meal
Having a clean house and nice breakable things
My boobs still pointing the right way
Going out after dark
Drinking on a school night
In fact drinking any night
Having a social life
Having time and money to have nice hair/nails/clothes
Going on holiday being easy and actually relaxing
...being able to actually afford said holidays
Loud sex
Personal space

...I could go on and on!

Probably not helpful to your friend though, do tell her to consider her options, just because she can’t carry children doesn’t mean she can’t ever have any

...on the travel theme I was thinking just this afternoon about a holiday DH & I had to Skiathos before we were married and reminiscing about

How we travelled end of June, stayed in village rooms and paid about £150 each

Hired a dodgy moped and found out of the way beaches you couldn’t get to by car so had whole beach and taverna to ourselves

Went on a boat trip to Alonnisos and liked it so decided to stay the night

Skipped meals, got trashed instead

Did rude things

Most of which are impossible or hard with DC

I would have much more money to spend on myself. I would have much more time to myself. Dp and I would have much more time together. I'd watch a shit ton of cricket every year. I would still be working in a business I loved. I would have a better body and bladder control. I still wouldn't change it for the world. I'm not sure this will help your friend but I hope it does.

I would spend my days without the crushing sense of responsibility that comes from parenting, even when they aren't with you.
I'm constantly working between drop offs/pick ups/ mealtimes/bedtimes/bathtimes.

I would hang around after work chatting instead of legging it.

I would leave my car at pubs and drink and go home whenever I felt like it.

I wouldn't do as much washing.

I would buy shoes again because I want to, not because I need to

I wouldn't have as clean a house

I wouldn't let friends down for fun plans because one of the DCs is sick AGAIN

I'd not be utterly destroyed by the time I finally sit down with DH in the late evenings and may have a much better marriage

But, I wouldn't change it for the world

OnlyBaBaBiss

How old are yours?

You seriously can’t go to the toilet alone? Finish a cup of hot tea? Eat all of your own dinner?

Caribbean I have 4 ranging from 9 down to 5 months
And no - they’re evvvvverywhere 😳

Still be thin and with a fully functioning pelvic floor.

Oh oh oh

I have a good one

Never ever look at the time ever again

Be rich!

Probably be in a drunken stupor most of the time tbh.

Travel

Do a really interesting job, instead of a basic admin job where I am looked down upon as one of the “admin wimmin with kids” because I need the part time hours.

Swim or go for a bike ride whenever I like instead of just using the hateful crosstrainer in my bedroom because I need to be home with DS

Eat out regularly, somewhere that you don’t order and pay before the food comes

Be a gym bunny.
Move around for my job, preferably abroad.
Wear lovely clothes
Have a sexy car
Finish my masters
Volunteer

@Taffeta Only possible if you are both child free and unemployed!

I’d be further in my career.

I’d be driving a mini instead of a C Max Grand.

I’d have a pension, private medical & go to the gym most nights.

We’d live in a fabulous flat in the city instead of a dull house near good schools where we all wear the same brands.

I’d do 3 washes a week - white, dark, anything else.

I’d cook lots of adventurous meals or go to lovely restaurants.

I’d go to the cinema.

If someone asked me if I wanted to go out I’d be able to say yes without having to check what 3 other people were doing first.

I wouldn’t be tired. I’d get up when I want instead of being woken up.

I’d take city breaks and long haul flights.

There are plenty of small, daily things that have been mentioned. Some other ideas that might help support the personal connections she may feel she will miss:

• Focus on and progress at work without interruption. Use that opportunity and leverage it for others eg programmes to close the pay gap, or CSR initiatives, mentor junior employees or develop apprenticeship programmes for minority groups.
• Volunteer and share experience and skills. Maybe even take some time and work abroad
• Study more and expand her knowledge. Become a proper expert in something. Share this expertise
• Develop and strengthen friendships and family relationships
• Take up hobbies that are social eg a choir, sports team, am dram
• Coach children's sport, become a school governor, volunteer for Cubs or brownies

@troodiedoo ditto

Screaming - one can dream

Certainly not necessary at weekends

Or evenings

Or holidays

Gaaah

Work different hours in a different job
Go on different holidays at different times to different places
We’d have paid off the mortgage
I’d buy clothes from actual shops, not online
I’d still have a small fast car, not a sensible estate
I’d have visited my brother in Oz by now (he emigrated when ds was less than a year old; all our spare £ has gone into childcare since)
I’d still have a study/darkroom/interest in photography/time to do it
I’d still ski
I’d be skinny with better teeth
I wouldn’t be a Cub leader

Our Guide leader doesn’t have children and is utterly awesome FWIW

Go on lots of holidays
If I was single, date loads of different men
Earn heaps of money
Go shopping lots
Work out a lot so I'd have an amazing body
Have a beautiful, immaculate home

If I hadn't had children I hope I would have found something useful and fulfilling to do career-wise. I did have a good job (retired now), but would have wanted something more than that had been childless. I've known people who have had really good lives without kids once they came to terms with the hurt of infertility.