Imagine if you never had children

[Imagineif]

... I'm new to Mumsnet and the reason I'm here is this...

I have children but a great friend of mine found out a year ago she cannot have children. It's a long story and she's asked me not to go in to it here BUT what she is interested in knowing what we would all do with our lives if we didn't have children. I know this thread mightn't be for everyone but if you'd like to humour me and imagine a life without our little darlings, what might the advantages of that other life be? My friend agreed that this could serve to really cheer her up. She also said that if the suggestions are good, she's thinking of starting up a blog where she tries out each and every suggestion, no matter how crazy.

I'll start it...

If I didn't have children I would...

1. Wake up when I wake up at the weekend.
2. Browse clothing stores after work when the mood takes me.
3. Read an entire novel from start to finish in one sitting.

1. I’d probably still be in the army
2. DH and I would both be bringing in the exact same wage - which was amazing, and a huge shock to the system when we lost mine.
3. Go out whenever I want, not have to think about the logistics of childcare when my mum lives 100 miles away.
4. Sleep for more than 4 hours at a time

You’re better off asking people who are happy that they haven’t had children what their lives look like. I’d bet that most people without them aren’t travelling the globr living glamorous lives. They still have resonsibilities, work, bills etc.

I don’t think this will actually cheer up your friend. Was it her idea or yours to do this?

thanks op, i'm enjoying just imagining... ;)

Taffeta i’m sure she is, but I wouldn’t feel obliged if I didn’t have dc involved.

It was her idea. She thought it'd be better to ask parents and I agreed. It's a bit of fun to fantasise :-)

• Have occasional duvet days at the weekend where I'd watch boxsets or catch up on all my favourite shows. Then get all dolled up and hit the town in the evening...followed by a long, lazy lie-in the next day.

• Do lots of sit-ups and then wear belly tops!

I’d also live in Central London

Go vegan

And travel - did I mention travel?!

Travel. I miss aeroplanes.

Spend lazy Sundays in the pub reading the papers.

Go in holiday with my friends which I can't do now because child and I can't be in different countries (Wales and Scotland don't count)

Did I mention travel??

One of those charity walks / climbs abroad

@PurpleDaisies

Spot on - as a childfree (by choice) woman I'm finding some of the ideas on this thread very amusing . I would love to jet off on holiday multiple times a year, drink 'on a school night' if I wanted, and have pert boobs, but my job rules out the first two, and a lack of DC does not stop gravity taking its course over the years, nor render one immune to 'middle aged spread' .

The OP's friend would be better off focusing on the small freedoms afforded by not having children, and perhaps picking one main personal, career or lifestyle goal from those suggested, rather than setting herself up for disappointment by expecting life without children to be a whirlwind of jet-setting holidays, six-figure salaries and having a perfect body.

What a horrible, insensitive thread.

I just don’t understand how you think this will help. Any infertile woman would trade holidays, career, lie ins, flat stomach etc for a baby. Every woman on this thread made that decision. They were just lucky enough to be able to have a child.

I really don't know! I've been a parent since I was 18 so have never really had an adult life

I would travel have a better career and go to the gym all the time.

Get my nails done. Cook wonderful meals without people buggin me til I burn them.

It's freedom really isn't it children to you down which isn't a bad thing but most of us miss the freedom.

- Do lots of sit-ups and then wear belly tops!

I couldn't have done that pre children because PCOS gave me excess abdominal fat

I would have visited Canada when my friend invited me over. Got pregnant shirtly after she asked and didn't want to travel all that way.

There are a few of us on here that are childfree by choice. I have a brill, full life. I can pretty much do what I want!

I hope your friend can come to terms with it all, there is life to be had out there sans children.

My friend has had a tough year and has finally come out the other side with a view to a new future. She suggested this thread as a bit of light-hearted fun because she's tired of deep thinking etc.

Cook wonderful meals without people buggin me til I burn them.

That quote above is my life right there!

A few more of mine would be

• Spend much more time with my friends.
• Take up a brand new hobby, like kite-boarding and try to get good at it.
• Write a novel!

I would go to the cinema at least once a week

I'd sleep all day long at the weekend if I fancied it

I would go on bigger and better holidays, particularly adults only hotels so I didn't have to listen to screaming children

I would be much more open to career opportunities as I could move locations easier. I'd look abroad too

I do adore my children but my god I miss child free life sometimes

Some of these suggestions seem to include the assumption that child free women somehow get allocated an extra 4 hours per day...

I hate to rain on your parade, but

1. Wake up when I wake up at the weekend.

I don't know about you but years of waking up at 7 for work means that I'm basically incapable of sleeping in, ever.

2. Browse clothing stores after work when the mood takes me.

Who even shops these days? Internet shopping means that I compile my short lists whilst hiding in the loos at work.

3. Read an entire novel from start to finish in one sitting.

Maybe a novella

But a yearly cinema pass

Ooh, I would do a ski season and then a sailing season for a year.

I would go and do some volunteering in South America

I would go riding (horses) through the Andes

I would decamp to the family house in Spain for the whole of winter and host marvellous Christmas parties (house sleeps 16)

I would go and visit all my old friends in Australia

I would go and stay with family on an island off HK for months and use it as a base to explore China.

Of course, all of this depends on money but... without the responsibility of keeping a child clothed, fed, etc... I could take a lot more risks than I can now.

I'd retire at 50.
I was pretty ambivalent about having kids, but pregnant with DC2 now. Those retirement calculations have taken a bit of a hit

Have got further in my career, because I might have;
done a PHD,
been able to travel for work more
Still be able to work and live in central London

Exercise every single day ( run before work/gym after)
Never ever either "do a weekly shop" , meal plan or cook anything I didn't fancy eating .
Have a clean car which stays clean
Have not given up acting
Be able to commit to things that happen between 5 and 9 on a school night.
I could go on

Like others, I wouldn't be without my child and if your friend wants kids then she's definitely got other options like adoption open to her. But there are definitely some days when I fantasise about a child free life! I would:

Read so much more and not fall asleep after 3 paragraphs like I do now.
Cook more adventurous recipes without having to cater to a child's tastebuds all the time.
City breaks!
Nights out without the dread of being woken up at 6am with a hangover
Quality time with my DP- more sex in the afternoon! Since my DS has dropped his PM nap, I really miss the afternoon sex and subsequent naps me and DP used to have when DS was snoozing.
Spend more time with friends having proper conversations without being interrupted.
Lie ins whenever I want at the weekend.

All sounds dreamy!!

Sleep