Things I've said today...

[GrumpyBagFace]

"Don't put that spoon up the cat's bum"

"Don't hit the cat with an ambulance"

"Sit down when you're eating" (5,074 times)

"Don't touch your brother's wee"

"Yeh, you can put the rest of your peas in your yoghurt, I sure yoghurty peas are delicious"

I remember a time when I'd have stimulating conversations

No I don't want to smell your bum hand is the latest here...

Bum hand

At school today: don't put bogies on her face. No you cannot take your shirt off. Don't fart on her pens.... it's worrying that I teach Yr 5.

Stop putting things in your ears

Sit down when you are eating

Stop hitting me with the hammer

Stop hitting the walls with the hammer

Stop trying to eat the flowers

Stop eating sand

At school today.

We don't strangle our friends.

Child:I don't have any friends.

Me: is it any wonder?

Stop picking at your willy

Let me smell your bum (nappy to check for poo!)

My godsons fart on each other's belongings to wind the other one up so I'm sure their parents have shouted that a few times.

Oh yes, we had a "don't eat stones" here today.

"Lie still, there's poo all over your bum"

"No, your sister doesn't have a willy"

"Could you eat food and not just the ketchup"

"Go to sleep it's night time" approximately 6,476 times since 2am