How often do you tell your child "I love you" "you're beautiful" "you're perfect" "I'm proud of you" or something along those lines? How often does your partner?

[RoboJesus]

I'd say more than 20 times a day easily. It just comes naturally to me. But you always hear these stories of people who say their parents never said they loved them. Obviously on here that's probably never the case but it did get me wondering.

Well I certainly don't tell my children that they are perfect . Not a good thing to tell a child at all.

I will pay them a compliment if they have done something well or they feel down because they think that they haven't done well enough but I don't throw compliments around.

I tell them I love them throughout the day maybe 5 to 10 times.

Obviously I refer to them as my love, my darling etc.

'I love you' frequently. DS has a speech delay, but a friend taught to sign it and he's been trying to sign it back.... I thought my heart was going to burst. He's done it for me and DH, I nearly cried.

I regularly praise his efforts 'That was a good try, well done!' and so on), but I don't tend to go in for telling him he's perfect too often. He does occasionally get pounced on for a hug and told it's because he's so GORGEOUS - I can't help it, he's just too cute When he's not drinking the paddling pool water, poking the dog, whining etc...

I love you, or something along those lines, every day. Also hugs.
Telling them I’m proud of them and being specific about why, regularly.
Personal choice, but I have found that it encourages resilience and good mental health.

I don't tell my children they are "perfect" because clearly they aren't ; )

We dish out praise where praise is due, tell them we love them and hug, kiss and snuggle them a number of times in the day.

I think it depends on past experience. My mother said 'I love you' so often that it was meaningless, and it was also completely at odds with her abusive behaviour towards me. As if those words made up for the bad things.

My father never said it. I knew that he loved me.

Someone with a more positive experience, where those words made them feel loved, is more likely to say them often to their own children.

All the time.
I feel it creates a closeness and also gives them confidence.
My nearly 13 yr old dd is at a funny age where body image is massive.
She's very alternative in her clothing choices and I love that and support it
We go shopping for things and although she is body concious she is also happy in her style and choices.
We tell all three (even the twenty yr old) that we love them every day and that we are proud of them

I love you finishes every phone call and most texts. We also say it to their faces when they are here.
You’re perfect - rarely unless they are asking whether they look fat or spotty before a special event.
We always gave more specific feedback - “ You have been practising your violin so hard you deserve a distinction”, “That was a really kind thing to do and made me feel proud”, “I’m afraid that grade does reflect the level of effort you put in to revision. I know you found it difficult but that is all the more reason to make an extra effort”.

They know our love is unconditional.

it is not necessary to keep saying 'I love you' because you show you love your children in so many other ways. Otherwise it becomes just words.
20 times a day - more than once an hour! Far too much.

I tell them I love them everyday. 2 boys aged 18 and 4.
After a really turbulent 3 years with the 18 yo he has just started to settle down and has recently started an apprenticeship, and I tell him I'm proud of him. I think he needs to hear it and that we can see the efforts he makes. And we probably hug most days and he tells me he loves me.
When the 4 yo does something good we praise him aswell.
DH doesn't really tell them he loves them, but is tactile and will hug them.

"I love you". No sure. Not multiple times a day anyway. Would totally lose all meaning.

I don't think I've told then they are perfect, nor have I said they are clever that often. I'd tell them I'm proud of how hard they work and proud of any effort they've point in to school or similar rather than clever.

I tell them I think they are great/kind/considerate etc wheneber I think it about them. Quite frequently then...

I'm not cold, I'm very physically affectionate aswell.
And if you I'll going to quote me then make sure you get it right:

I didn't say it was all "cringeworthy". I said certain bits - saying it many many times per day and telling children that perfect and beautiful all the time is 0TT.

in my opinion.

That response was to glintandglide and Umbongo.

I wasn't told I was loved, or cuddled much. I cuddle my DD and tell her she's loved at least twice a day. I tell her she is beautiful inside and out, and how kind she is. My family are repressed, but my in-laws are very expressive with their feelings.

But don't worry about my coldness. Because even Ds1 (stroppy teenager) jumped into my bed for a quick cuddle before school today and then Ds2 jumped in too and we talked about how much we Loved eachother.

If that's any consolation!

I love you, all the time he is with me, as is shared custody with his dad.
Never you’re perfect. You did really well, mummy’s really proud of you very often.

My dad has never said I love you to me. Different generation & culture. But I know he adores me, my siblings and his grandchildren from the way he interacts with us.

My mum never said I love you and she was a complicated, strict mother. She has changed personality in old age. She tells me she loves me, but I never say it back as it sounds wierd to hear & to say given our past relationship.

Well I grew up from as early as I can remember being told by my mother (always when no one else could hear) that I was unwanted, a mistake, told the midwife to ‘take it away til it’s clean’ and that the twelve year gap between me and my siblings was because she waited till she actually wanted children before she had them. So I make sure my children know how much I love them and how proud I am of their achievements and that they are beautiful and intelligent, hardworking and just really really good girls. I don’t just say it, I mean every word, every time. And even though they’re teenagers I get hugged and told ‘love you mother (they think calling me mother most amusing) every day.

A few times a day. Always at school drop off and before bed time. Lots of specific praise. We have a chat before bedtime and again specific praise for things he’s done well. But actually I prefer cuddles to verbal affection. We do lots of kisses and cuddles. The six year old sometimes gets embarrassed. The 18mo gives the best cuddles ever. He woke up this morning, when he realised I was awake he clapped with excitement and began blowing me kisses and saying ‘Mamaaaa’. Hard not to melt the heart. Even if it was 6 bloody 20 in the morning.

Oh Judas, I am so sorry to hear that from your mum

Dh and I both say these things to our dc every day. Our oldest dc can have low self confidence at times so he likes to hear very specific praise. My parents didn't really ever say the same to me but I felt loved and cared for and that they were proud of me. They showed it through actions more than words. Well, I say they, I mainly mean DM. I do remember DF making a bit too many jokes about my appearance.

It's important to me to say I love you often as I didn't ever hear it growing up. Unless there was some sort of crisis and DM was having a breakdown crying over how much she loved us Everyday run of the mill it was never said. Which I think is bollocks. Love is constant. It waxes and wanes but never goes away. It is not reserved for special occasions or for when my child "needs" or "deserves" it. Love is a daily duty, in the smallest of things.

So I say it as often as possible. I try to praise actions and effort e.g. "that was kind thank you". When a tantrum is going on I often affirm love and offer hugs e.g. "You're upset right now and I still love you, it's ok to cry, I'm sorry you're sad, Mummy still loves you" which is more for my sanity as DC can't talk yet.

I want DC to grow up never questioning if I love them and to do that I feel I have to lay it on quite thick. Else I might forget. Life is so busy and bloody hard at times. It's easy to lose sight of what really matters to me.

Probably say ‘I love you’ at least once a day ( usually bedtime) but I’m kind of with the monk who said ‘love is an action’- ie you show it better than you can ever say it. My mum was pretty undemonstrative but I felt very loved because of how engaged she was. I never say ‘ you’re perfect/clever /beautiful’ as no-ones perfect, and brains/beauty are mainly just s fluke. As pp said I praise them for effort and for being good human beings/making the right choices when a different one would have been easier.

I love you every day and similarly, I’m proud of you whenever I am (they’ve done something I’m proud of and they should be too). I have truly never said ‘you’ perfect’ because that would be a lie. No one’s perfect! Same with you’re beautiful. Maybe on special occasions (she’s wearing a new dress to go to a wedding and is really excited about it). But I don’t think commenting on anyone’s appearance is a good habit and we actively try to discourage the dc from doing that. I regularly compliment her in other ways though, like you tried really hard at that.

That said I don’t do any of it 20 times a day, maybe twice, same with my dh. My mum is the sort who says I love you to EVERYONE and like 20 times a day. It actually comes across as pushy and disingenuous. As an adult, I realise now it comes a lot more from her own insecurities (if everyone knows she loves them constantly, they’ll love her too and never leave) than because she genuinely cares that people feel loved. I’ve made a conscious choice not to repeat that sort of atmosphere in our family.

Multiple times every day. I tell them I love them, they are gorgeous, I think they are great, the best boy/girl in the world to me. It’s not a conscious thing, it’s just how I feel and I can’t not tell them. This doesn’t mean I don’t chastise them and sometimes tell them that their behaviour is not acceptable, of course I do. But my love for the, is overwhelming and I would hate to think that they ever questioned it.

curly xx

if you show your love for your child every day in how you care for them and hug them you really don't have to say it over and over again. They will know you love them -