Pregnant and scared.

[tulip27]

I have a two and half year old son and a one and half year old duaghter. I thought our family was complete but have just discovered I am pregnant again despite using condoms.
I have really found the last two years hard with PND and was looking forward to life moving on, going back yto work etc and now I don't know what to do.
Thing is I have been broody for a while but my head has always said no, I find my two children cuch hard work. My husband said he doesn't want more but will support me if I keep it.
I feel like I cant talk to anyone I know about it , can anyone help me?

[Elasticwoman]

Thinking of you, tulip, and would like to second what others have said about a few glasses of wine being irrelevant to your decision and not at all likely to damage the unborn baby.

[tulip27]

You have all been really kind. I am seeing the GP this evening and I am hoping that he may refer my husband for counselling, I presume both parties have counselling in these situations. He is really worried about the drinking thing so I hope the GP can put his mind at rest. My husband is a pathologist so he always thinks the worst.

[tulip27]

Have I drunk too much and harmed the baby?
Just worked out what I drank last week on holiday and it works out at 3 units a night for 7 days, I also took 2 days worth of cold and flu remedy called Contact.
Please be honest with me, Have i drunk too much and harmed it?

[mrsmalumbas]

Tulip, this early in pregnancy honestly you're really really unlikely to have done any harm - my obstetrician told me (I had been taking antibiotics for a sinus infection, as well as decongestants when I found out I was pg) that early in pregnancy the baby is basically just a bundle of cells, there is no placenta so the alcohol cannot cross to the baby from your bloodstream. What you describe is really not all that much - it is habitual heavy drinkers and binge drinkers who are most likely to have problems. I am sure your GP will be able to reassure you on that score. Good luck, sounds like a really difficult time for you, good luck with whatever you decide. XX

[tulip27]

That is reassuring news, my husband is convinced that Ive harmed it and that I would be selfish to keep it.

[SueBaroo]

Tulip, I went on a number of binges early on in my first pregnancy, before I knew. I've also taken lemsip throughout all my pregnancies. My kids are fine.

[PetitFilou1]

Tulip
I am sorry to hear about your dh's reaction. On the drinking, my GP told me that she had seen people take crack cocaine throughout their pregnancies and the babies turn out fine (obviously not to be recommended but......)
With ds I drank, ate blue cheese, cycled 36 miles in 36 degree heat once etc etc for five months before I realised I was pregnant. He is completely undamaged
A friend of mine binge drank (not just a few units a night) after she found out she was pregnant as she had been dumped by her partner. They later got back together and she decided to keep the baby who is also absolutely fine. You are extremely unlikely to have harmed your child. If your dh doesn't want it this is a rather mean way of avoiding it being his decision imo.

[mrsmalumbas]

Perhaps your DH is just afraid of what having another baby will mean and this is just giving him a way of focusing that fear. A friend of mine had an unplanned pregnancy (long story, infidelity involved) and ended up having a termination because she had been taking diazepam. In fact the risks to the baby were relatively low, the research showed the primary risk was a cleft palate, but she could not face the thought of the baby being unplanned and (possibly) damaged in some way. However I do believe that the diazepam issue provided her with a "reason" to end the pregnancy other than "I didn't want it". I think it enabled her to justify a difficult decision. Not saying this was right or wrong, it's never easy and in her case there were lots of complications, not just the diazepam. No one can guarantee that a baby, any baby, will be perfect. But the risks in your case are really very low. Perhaps your DH is just seizing on this out of fear. It does sound as if some kind of counselling would be very helpful to enable you both to share your feelings and fears and come to a balanced decision that will be right for you both. XX

[Elasticwoman]

Sorry tulip but I just feel so angry that your dh is taking so little responsibility for the baby he has started with you. He should know that condoms are not failsafe, so if he is so keen to have no more children why hasn't he had the Big Snip?
Fair enough to express the opinion that he'd rather you didn't go ahead with the pregnancy, but to make you think you've harmed it when you obviously haven't is just a devious way of trying to pass the buck. He wants you to terminate but not blame him for the decision. In fact it sounds like he doesn't want to take any responsibility for the situation at all.

Would never dare to say that to your face in RL, but you did ask.

[fillyjonk]

oh GOOD you have started a thread

will lurk

[tulip27]

Sorry Fillyjonk didn't want to impose on you but I just need all the advice I can get at the moment.

[fillyjonk]

GOD no

post on my thread all you want, its just franny et al wittering about divine intervention and so forth now anyway

just glad you're getting advice here really

[SueBaroo]

Muminfife, be good if there was a website that just gave hugs when needed, methinks.

Tulip, still thinking of you. xx

[tulip27]

Oh god this is all so awful. I really want this baby but without husbands support, no family willing to help out and a one year old and a two year old already it looks like I have no choice.
I hate this situation , yesterday I didn't even want to get out of bed. I just keep touching my tummy and wishing things could be different. I'm constantly on the verge of tears and I just don't know what to do.
If I kep it husband said he will understand why but thinks its the wrong descision and that he wouldn't be able to prevent himself from feeling resentful of me and new baby especially if it was disabled. His work is very demanding and as it is he is unable to help more around the house except for help bath the children. Could I cope with three young children alone? How would I do it?
I know you can't give me the answers but I just feel that I can't talk to anyone about this.I have never before felt so alone.

[SueBaroo]

Oh sweetheart I feel so bad for you. Please don't rush into anything. It's quite obvious that you don't want a termination right now. I have to agree with the others who have said that you Dh is being rather unfair with his reasoning. He can't know at the moment if he really will resent you, and there's just as much chance of you resenting him for leaving you feeling that you had no choice but to do something you don't want to do.

But it is a big shock for him, same as it is for you. Keep talking about it here, if it helps. I'm probably not going to be on much this weekend, but I will pop in whenever I can.

I still want to stress that one of the reasons everything seems so overwhelming is because you're still struggling with PND. If you can get help with that, things might look very different.

[tulip27]

I've just had a long talk with a pregnancy helpline and they have told me to draw a diagram and list circumstances, feelings and what my heart is telling me. Thing is, although I know it will be incredibly hard I just think I couldn't go through with an abortion . I will take your advice and speak to the health visitor on due about pnd although before all this happened I had been feeling much better and in control of things.
What a mess. I feel so guilty for all those poor women who struggle to concive, its just not fair. x

[tulip27]

Thankyou, yes please slap him for me!x

[tulip27]

Thankyou

[nappyaddict]

i have heard from a lot of people going from 1 to 2 is much harder than going from 2 to 3.