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Original poster

Stepdaughter and fathers dad -

57 replies

meme70 · 17/06/2018 14:23

I feel sad for my husband his daughter aged. 12 hasn’t bothered with him on Father’s Day when he’s been there for her all the time instead she chooses to go out to dinner with her Mum step siblings and step father ?
Her mum isn’t the nicest but I know my husband is hurt.
Why do some kids behave so odd.

OP posts:
MontyBeaujangles · 17/06/2018 14:26

So sorry meme - my DP would be gutted if this was him. All you can do is try your very best to make him feel loved and special today. Don't push him to talk about it, but listen if he needs you to. Her mother should have encouraged her to see her dad and it's a shame that she doesn't see her error here.

Yokatsu · 17/06/2018 14:26

Did anyone on your DH's side do any gentle prodding? Most 12 year olds need a well timed reminder

Yokatsu · 17/06/2018 14:30

go out to dinner with her Mum step siblings and step father ?

Cos let's face it a 12 year old didn't organise that her mum did and the 12 year old isn't going to want to let mum down. If you organised similar for your DH my bet is the 12 year old would just as enthusiastically attend.

Look at it for what it is.

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Clairetree1 · 17/06/2018 14:30

poor kid, why heap a load of guilt on her for not falling in line with this totally artificial, entirely commercially motivated card giving exercise.

who cares?

I m surprised at the number of step Mums on here claiming their step children should have done something for fathers day.

Really, what proportion of families celebrate fathers day in the UK?

surely most people totally ignore it?

Original poster
meme70 · 17/06/2018 14:32

Who said anyone said anything to her as to why she didn’t bother ? You e just found it acceptable to have ago at me?

OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 17/06/2018 14:34

Yo lol if only you knew the whole story
No SD lives 5 minutes walk on 100% sure she could popped in and said hi and given her father a hand made card.

OP posts:
Clairetree1 · 17/06/2018 14:35

Why should she?
You don't need to say anything to her, you are on the internet disparaging her.

Original poster
meme70 · 17/06/2018 14:35

Monty
Well I have my daughter money to get her father something so surely SD mother could of gently prodded her child to pop and see her father for 5 minutes ?
Being she’s 12 I’m positive she knows as she said we are going to dinner for fathwrdays Sunday on Friday

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DoinItForTheKids · 17/06/2018 14:37

Well if we knew the whole story then we'd be able to give more tailored responses!

It's not HER responsibility to come and celebrate FD, her mum or YOU - should have encouraged her to do so and facilitated it (buying a card or whatever it is that you expected in your mind that would have ticked the box for you).

Let me remind you, you said:
"his daughter aged. 12 hasn’t bothered with him on Father’s Day"
"instead she chooses to go out to dinner with her Mum step siblings and step father"

That appears to blame the child.

Weddingplanningandlovingit · 17/06/2018 14:37

The vitriol to SMs on here is unreal. I have a similar situation, DSD to be didn't bother despite being reminded. It may be a commercially created day but that didnt stop my fiancé being hurt his daughter didn't bother. SM's are accused of interfering. I just don't want my DF to feel shit. I'm not surprised she doesn't bother with birthday or Christmas either, makes me want to forget hers!

Original poster
meme70 · 17/06/2018 14:37

Lol why should she not show her father some love on one day of the year ? Umm as that’s the trouble these days kids have no manners
I always say to my children don’t forget Father’s Day if they have no money I give them some to buy a card
These fathers do a lot for they’re children and we should all bring our children up to respect they’re parents.
She can’t see any of this so stop making me out to be the bad person here Claire

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MontyBeaujangles · 17/06/2018 14:37

meme as a step mother I can completely sympathise about how hard it is to see this from the outside, to be a crutch for your partner when things like this happen, and to have absolutely no control over it. It's not down to you to convince her to see her dad on Father's Day. If I did this it would be relayed back to mum and would cause tensions. It's down to your partner and his ex to sort out. It's a real shame but it's happened now. All you can do is support him through what might be a bit of a shitty day. Might be a good idea to arrange a lovely meal out in a couple of weekends time, possibly with something fun like cinema after? It's nice that you care about him so much to be hurt by this, I would advise he speaks calmly to his ex re the issue and come to an arrangement where he sees DD on Father's Day, and vice versa. All the best.

rainingcatsanddog · 17/06/2018 14:37

Need some more details here...

  • Did your h see her this weekend?
  • Do you live close enough that she could have done lunch with you and her Dad then dinner with the others?
  • Does she know it's FD? Has she ever celebrated FD with her Dad? Who paid and organised the card/present last year?
  • How often does she stay with Mum versus Dad?
Clairetree1 · 17/06/2018 14:38

again, why? Fathers day is a complete nothing.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/06/2018 14:38

She's doing what her mum has organised. It's not her fault. At 12 most kids need a gentle prod to acknowledge father's day etc. Did you ask if you could have her over today and organise something for her dad? It would be nice if her mum supported it, for dd's sake but she is probably taking the view that having divorced her dd's dad, it's not her responsibility to organise it.

Clairetree1 · 17/06/2018 14:40

why should she not show her father some love on one day of the year

its not love, its pressure and expectation.

and if its one day a year, its totally meaningless anyway

MontyBeaujangles · 17/06/2018 14:40

Also maybe in future (if you haven't done so already) get a card and present sorted in advance so at least he has something to open in the morning. Something personal like a photo frame etc. Father's Day might be a commercial nonsense to some people but it's still nice to have breakfast together and a card to open.

Weddingplanningandlovingit · 17/06/2018 14:40

Father's Day may be viewed as a nothing by some, but try being on the end of this as a loving dad getting ignored by his DD who he does so much for.

Clairetree1 · 17/06/2018 14:41

She can’t see any of this any of what? you are inventing an issue and berating a child with it.

If my step ,other had ever behaved like this, I doubt we would be friends now.

Original poster
meme70 · 17/06/2018 14:41

Wedding planner
Thankyou sadly on here there’s some bitter women who’s ex partners have new wives and they hate all step mums

I agree they are old enough to make a little effort at 12 she is not a baby she can buy her friend a present on her birthday and a card and go to her house off her own back and give her it but she doesn’t bother with her father.
Her mother is not teaching her child respect or gratitude - it’s not my job to buy him a card from her I wouldn’t expect my ex partner to do that for my daughter as it’s not her responsibility

Sadly these days too many people were t brought up with manners and the generation below mine simply thinks they are owed everything.

OP posts:
Yokatsu · 17/06/2018 14:41

sure she could popped in and said hi and given her father a hand made card.

Did you or anyone suggest that might be a good idea?!?! Or that being forgotten much may DH a bit sad.

My mum still prompts me before fathers day although now in my 30s I usually do remember. Im always amused when seperated families still expect the ex to do the ,"wife work".

Either accept it hasn't really come from DSD or do something about it. Cos I promise you a meal hasn't come from DSD Ex will be organising and paying for it.

Start prompting ahead of time. It's how you build the habits you want to see in your offspring (step or otherwise) and means you wont need to be disappointed by your DSD in future.

rainingcatsanddog · 17/06/2018 14:41

Just seen that you answered lots of the questions.

Her mum inbu to organise something for the stepfather.

You should organise for your h imo.

You are right that she could have rung or dropped in but what is her Sunday schedule like? Does she something like sport on Sunday morning ?

Weddingplanningandlovingit · 17/06/2018 14:43

@clairetree1 you are totally projecting your own issues here. Father's Day does matter to most dads! Just because you don't think it does. My DSD is very aware at 14 that she should have done something for her dad today without anyone telling her so! She'll just pretend not to be.

MontyBeaujangles · 17/06/2018 14:43

meme I do have to disagree on one point. It IS your responsibility to sort out a card. I went shopping with DSD and bought a card and present with her for her dad. I would never expect his ex to do this and in reality, it would mean more to him if YOU went with her to buy it. She's only 12. When I was 12 I would never have been organised to arrange something like this in advance.

rainingcatsanddog · 17/06/2018 14:43

You prompt your own kids and give them money for a card. Couldn't you do that with dsd?

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