Stepdaughter and fathers dad -

[meme70]

I feel sad for my husband his daughter aged. 12 hasn’t bothered with him on Father’s Day when he’s been there for her all the time instead she chooses to go out to dinner with her Mum step siblings and step father ?
Her mum isn’t the nicest but I know my husband is hurt.
Why do some kids behave so odd.

presumably you aren’t a mum, therefore don’t give a shit about Mother’s Day

yes I'm a mum, and no, I don't give a shit about mothers day. Why would I want to guilt trip and harangue my children into "showing appreciation" which they do multiple times spontaneously and meaningfully throughout the year, rather than on a pointless commercial day.

the amount of time and energy , angst and trauma, money and resources wasted on cards in this culture is quite frankly ridiculous.

he has gone above and beyond for his child

Don’t all good parents? It’s not something to be praised for, it’s the bare minimum a child should expect.

OP I organise Father’s Day stuff with my DSDs, as I do with my own kids. Because I don’t think it’s fair to expect the ex to do it.

If DS1 asks to get his dad something, I’ll get it, but usually it’s his SM who does.

I just think your disdain and disgust for a child drips from your post, which is why you’ve had a rough thread. She’s 12. 12 year old kids can be selfish. You hadn’t done anything to help her plan for Father’s Day, so I’m a bit stunned you expect the ex to when his own wife didn’t?

Erm, can people read everything? The op has said that the 12 year olds father asked her to spend time with him and she said no because she is going to dinner with her step father and siblings. That is awful.

I do agree though, that if the mother is a bad as you say, then a card isn’t the issue. If the mother is so horrible then it’s probably not the child’s fault that she is the way she is. Maybe file for custody, surely her safety is more important than a card? However hurtful it may be.

If mum is especially useless where do you think your DSD is going to learn manners from?

If your (joint with DH's) expectations are a card or something on Fathers day you jointly teach that expectation. Manners don't come from nowhere, they are taught.

DSD was asked what she was doing fathers day... most dads if they were disappointed would "ahem what about your actual father, I'm here you know." You make expectations, If it seems of no importance to your DH, why should your DSD value it?

You can't win because youre looking at it wrong. You're calling your DSD rude without recognising your and your DH role role in raising your DSD and correcting those "errors". The more useless the mother is, the greater need for you (jointly) to step up. Your attitude is worse given you recognise your role in your own kids father's day but don't see it as applicable to you DSD. Is she not your family too, might go some way to explaining how she looks at you.

Your complaints highlight your and your DH refusal/failure to parent. Ironic given your moaning about your DSD not recognising your DH impeccable child raising.

You can't win because youre looking at it wrong. You're calling your DSD rude without recognising your and your DH role role in raising your DSD and correcting those "errors". The more useless the mother is, the greater need for you (jointly) to step up. Your attitude is worse given you recognise your role in your own kids father's day but don't see it as applicable to you DSD. Is she not your family too, might go some way to explaining how she looks at you.

This, from Yokatsu sums up the situation perfectly.

OP, There's really no reason why you can't take the initiative here. Why don't you retrieve the situation by planning a special Father's day day with DSD next weekend instead? That would be a lovely surprise for your husband and would also help teach your dsd that it's important to show appreciation to people you love.

As a dad, this really hurts me. Why won't you plan a dinner for them both so they can have a heart to heart talk? I bet this would help.