DH Weekend Away - 1 Month After Birth?

[KnucklestheEchidna]

Not sure which board to post this on so apologies if this isn't the right place.

I'm currently pregnant and due early January with my first baby. There is an event we both usually attend in early February which he would like to go to but he isn't keen on leaving me and baby approximately 4 weeks after the birth. I don't intend on going to the event (it's abroad) but I'm fairly relaxed about him going and being left on my own, as he will be back in work at that point so I will be doing the majority of weekdays on my own at that point anyway. His concern is that he hopes to look after baby when he gets home from work for a bit in the evenings so that I can have a break, and do more over the weekends, but that weekend he won't be here between Friday and Monday so I'll have two evenings and a full weekend by myself with baby.

My query is, how likely am I to feel as happy about him going when I am actually 4-weeks postpartum, likely after an elective c-section? This is our first pregnancy and first baby, so neither of us are sure what our expectations or abilities will be.

I had an EMCS and then got an infection (very common) which developed into spesis (rare) and DD was nearly 2 weeks before we were home. I could not have managed a weekend a lone when she was 4 weeks old.

At 4 weeks I could not do washing, bath baby my myself, empty or load the dishwasher, etc. Then I had a baby to look after.

Baby could be early, or late. You could get an infection. You may not be bale to drive (I was driving after two weeks but some people can't for six weeks.

I would absolutely wait and see how you feel.

Honestly since he's happy not to go and doesn't feel comfortable about leaving you, why not let him miss it this year? It's nothing to the sacrifices you have made and will be making - and it's frankly nice to see a DH on this side of the argument for once.

Yes it will (probably) be possible for you to manage alone at that stage, but don't underestimate emotionally how much you might need that support and break. At that stage with my first baby, I was often counting the minutes until DH got home and I could have even 20 minutes off, and I frankly hated him half the time for still having the ability to do things like go to Tesco on his own. A weekend away for leisure would have probably finished me off.

He doesn't much want to go, so why gamble on you doing so utterly swimmingly that you don't even notice he's gone, when most FTMs aren't?

It's not sensible for him to book and as he realises this there is no problem. You're a team and this project will need you both for the foreseeable future at all available times. In the future you can both work out how you get time out to see friends and do hobbies.

Thanks for the responses, definitely thought provoking. The tickets for this event would have to be booked fairly soon and are quite expensive so maybe it would be better to skip this one and go to the next one together (every 2 years so not until 2021) as, like you say, I don't know how the birth will go and if I got an infection that would definitely stop any going away plans.

Baby could be unwell, you could be unwell. But even if you’re both fine, it’s hard work recovering from birth and looking after a newborn. You say he’ll be back at work so you’ll be coping by yourself during the day anyway. But if you’re anything like most of us, you’ll be relying on him being around in the evenings, at night time and all weekend in order to give you a precious break so you can get some extra sleep or half an hour to take a shower in peace or whatever. We were and still are very much a team because it can be tricky to keep up with the basics (preparing meals and clearing up, keeping on top of the endless laundry) especially at the newborn stage.

As the tickets are expensive I think it would be sensible for him to sit out this year especially as he’s happy to do so. It’s good that he doesn’t want to leave you, he’ll probably want to make the most of his time with you both in the early days.

If he was going I’d ask if you have a parent or sister who could come and stay with you to help out. But it’s good that it won’t be necessary.

Definitely give it a miss. It’s not a once in a lifetime thing by the sound of it. You have no idea how you may feel. When my first was 4 weeks old, I was quite ill with mastitis (like feverish and delirious), my dh had to take an extra week off work to look after me because I was really struggling and our dd had lost quite a bit of weight. I also really needed his help getting through the nights. Him sitting up and holding her was the only way I was able to get more than about 30 minutes of sleep. He did go away to a friends wedding for the weekend (it was childfree so I had to stay home) at 3 months and it was totally doable then. But skip it this year, save yourself some money and plan something to do together during your maternity leave instead.

If you don't mind then I would let him go. Absolutely should be your decision though and not his. The chance of something changing/complications meaning he can't go are obviously possible. I had an elective and my husband returned to work abroad three weeks after it. He was gone a month and I also had a 2 year old. We were absolutely fine but I (luckily) found recovery easy and had no complications.

If he's happy not to go OP then just have him stay home.
DH has to go away for work when DS was 2weeks old. I found it really hard for many reasons and it has lingered in our marriage ever since.
As this is your first child it is even more of a reason for him to stay at home and just recover and learn how to be a family of 3 together.
If I had my time again I would have had DH home with me.

I was in this situation. DH had a work trip when DS was about 6wks old, although I didn’t have a cs and recovered reasonably well physically from the birth. I actually found it really difficult. I ended up staying at my parents for the few days. We were in the same situation when DD was born (2yr age gap) and that time it was fine. I was more confident, different minset, more relaxed maybe but for whatever reason it was easier with a newborn and a 2yr old

Skip it this year. That is the path of least regret

My DS was born at the end of march (last year) and DH went away for two nights in the May. We also had a toddler.

It was fine and I coped but I had an easy birth and good recovery, I also bottle fed which was a bit easier for me. I didn't agree to him going until the baby was here though and he was willing to cancel right up to the last minute if need be.

When I was pregnant my husband asked if he could go to a concert for a couple of nights when the baby would be about a month old. I told him to wait and see how it all went.

He never mentioned it again... he knew he couldn't

At that age, I was so tearful and sleep deprived that I couldn't have coped. I wouldn't have been able to get any food for myself most likely or had a shower.

Glad you've decided to skip! That was right in the weeds for me, struggling with BFing and still sore from the CS.

Four weeks is right around the time when all the hormones from birth have worn off, sleep deprivation is at its worst and you're just beginning to realise what you've done to yourself by having a baby. I wouldn't have wanted to be left at that stage.

Good on your DH for being considerate. You might be able to go to the next event together when baby is 2. My first is 18 months and I don't quite feel able to leave her overnight yet. 2 is probably different.

Thanks again for the insight everyone