Benign neglect. . .

[ahundredtimes]

Is there a handbook on this parenting style? Is it just another way of saying I can't be bothered or would all our dcs be happier if we dropped the endless activities and interest in their blardy spelling homework and took up being benignly nelectful.

No, there isn't, because the benignly neglectful can't be arsed reading parenting books, so wouldn't buy them, so there's no commercial incentive to write one.

in an nutshell hallgerda. Then I shall write one, with big pictures and call it something else, and get it shelved somewhere else in the bookshop and reading it will be a happy accident. They will consider the fact their children survived at all a happy accident. In fact might call the book Happy Accident.
What should chapter one be about?

The trouble is, if you carry your idea to its logical conclusion, the book will be about something else entirely.

The first happy accident's presumably the conception? I'd start there. Good for sales, you know.

My aunt is a firm believer in BN and her kids have grown up fab.
I try and emulate as much as poss with my dd.

What is benign neglect?

I mean, I think I get the general idea - don't constantly stimulate your kids, let them find their way without too much intervention - yes? But can anyone give any more detail - how does it work in practice?

I am a big believer that children should learn how to be bored and how to deal with it. Does ths count?

Hope so Hula - mine bored quite a bit. Also we don't think we do any after school activities..actually each child does one.

How far is the neglect to be taken - is sending your DS to school in damp pants becuase you have not done the washing a step too far?

I don't remember any after school activities and the inerest in my homework was either 'Go and do your homework' or my dad 'helping' me with maths which was awful -tears and shouting.

But I turned out ok

We all know that children's homework is really ours too these days. I dread the bloody book bag.

Is the definition "letting them be children"? If so, I'm a believer. Let them be bored sometimes which will stimulate their imagination, let them role play (camps, armies, nurses, dinosaurs whatever) without interfering, let them sort out their differences without getting involved too much etc etc.

Leaves loads of time for MNing

Being serious for once, I think I probably fit the benign neglect category. My children do activities only if they actually ask to do them and there's room in the diary even after some free time's been pencilled in. I encourage them to take responsibility for themselves, and not blame me or expect to be rescued if they forget something. I most certainly don't do their homework.

In answer to your question, noodlestroodle, if it's purely because you haven't done the washing then you're going too far. If your children have been hoarding their underwear under the bed and not putting it in the wash bag, you are entirely justified .

I think I fall into this category.
My DS's are a bit on the wild side, ie out doors running and wrestling.
They have routine ie sleep and meals.
They do swimming but few other activitiesThey starteda few but got bored.
And hygeine is a bit lacksadasical.
Both have muddy knees under thier PJ's!

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undoubtedly....undoubtedly

i call it healthy neglegt

be careful you lot. Benign neglect is used by anthropologists to refer to the actual neglect (as in not feeding etc) of weak children by mothers in some societies. the children usually die - it's only "benign" neglect because the children were weak in the first place.

But if you mean should you not overdo the parenting/actyivities/edumacshional stuff then then I think you should (not overdo it that is). But that is patently obvious to all but true alpha parents surely?

It's not patently obvious to many apparently intelligent people. One of my best friends - wonderful woman who I'm very fond of - takes her son to 6 out of school activities a week (also a DD who does other stuff). Kids look exhausted and a smile is a rarity. She obviously thinks I'm insane with my ONE extra-curricular thing (piano lessons), and that's fine - each to their own etc.

healthy neglect is SO good for the imagination

I make sure my kids are happy and healthy

I also try to leave them to their own devices as much as possible

I arrange many playdates .. and I leave them to it too

I believe school gives enough structured activity

I am happy to let them run free around house and garden and to provide materials when requested but rarely say 'right lets do painting etc' ..

I practice benign neglect with strong boundaries of acceptable behaviour

Hear hear Twiglett. For the vast majority of their time they are at school working, learning, and being told to conform & obey rules.

I know a few kids who go to LOADS of after school / structured / educational activities, who could supposedly read & write pre-school, whose parents are unable to talk about anything other than them & their achievments... & they're all ghastly & incapable of entertaining themselves for 2 minutes

With you Moist person.
(Fab name)

Don't know about a handbook exactly, but you could read Frank Furedi's 'Paranoid Parenting' to help you feel confident in your choices.

Moistworld, I love your name....

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I'm like Twig.

DS has spent most of the last couple of months in the garden playing with stones and snails. He is sooo happy and contented and the fresh air must be doing him good.

At home, I tend to be working a lot so they amuse themselves when we are home(obv I pay attention to what they are doing, I don't let em run riot whilst I sit in an office).

I try to get out of the house with them most afternoons, but again, I don't do much with them, I just take em elsewhere where they roam free - I just don't work so I feel like I am being a better mum.

They are happy, healthy, and DD seems to be thriving at preschool and in her school induction thingy she was one of the few that walked in, sat down at an activity and ignored her mum completely!

is this not another term for "chav parenting"

you basicly sit on your arse watching Jeremy Kyle and eating crisps while the dc's are out obtaining ASBO's

Its called Mumsnet parenting!
Kids run wild outside, while Istay indoors talking to you!
result.
I abhor the term chav.
My sister in law thinks I am a chav cos I buy food in Asda!