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Parenting

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Original poster

Benign neglect. . .

57 replies

ahundredtimes · 18/05/2007 13:04

Is there a handbook on this parenting style? Is it just another way of saying I can't be bothered or would all our dcs be happier if we dropped the endless activities and interest in their blardy spelling homework and took up being benignly nelectful.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Flamesparrow · 18/05/2007 22:32

Flamesparrow · 18/05/2007 22:33

Jeremy Kyle is awful

mamazon · 18/05/2007 22:36

I cant stand the term either (mostly because i am probably what many would consider a chav)

I just find it a little bit silly that there needs to be a label placed on everything now.

why cant we just be seen ass pasrents, wehy do we need to try and find a pigeon hole for our "parenting style"

why can't we justa ccept that for most of us parenting is fluid. one day we will be totally hands off and allow our children to play happil;y for hours undistbrbed but the next we will be pushing them to revise for their sats....its a style called normal

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DeviousDaffodil · 18/05/2007 22:36

Who watches that crap?

Oblomov · 18/05/2007 22:41

It is good for children to be bored. I remember having one day out during the whole summer holidays. Maybe two.
Not this constant tumbletots, legoland, pay-through-the-nose-day-out nonsesne, every other day.
Boredoom feeds imagination.
ITS GOOD FOR THEM.

emkana · 18/05/2007 22:42

Devious Daffodil, I just saw on another thread that you went to Swansea Uni.

When were you there? I was a visiting student there and I loved it so much! Met dh there, so very fond memories. Did you live in the student village?

DeviousDaffodil · 18/05/2007 22:44

I lived in the student village 1990-91.
Had the time of my life!

emkana · 18/05/2007 22:46

I was there in 94/95. House 27...

I think I'll have to go and see dh now to swap memories... time of my life for me as well.

DeviousDaffodil · 18/05/2007 22:46

I was house 24 inthe corner!!
My brother is a PHd student there now sooo jealous!

emkana · 18/05/2007 22:49

We had a look at the village last year when we were on holiday. Really weird to see it now with other people there... and they're all so young!

DeviousDaffodil · 18/05/2007 22:51

Even worse it has been sold off.
Wil be demolished for exec houses.

Sorry Op complete hijack here!

emkana · 18/05/2007 22:51

No!!!!!

TheMoistWorldOfSeptimusQuench · 18/05/2007 22:52

Oops - sorry, not getting at gifted children, or kids who simply just happen to be more into words than lego or whatever... I meant parents who are more tunnel vision & competitive about "advancement" than seems necessary or healthy.

Met a guy recently who had given up a very successful carrer to be a SAHD. He seemed to see himself as a sort of "project manager" to his DD. Her life was measured in achievement & indications of her genius compared to ther kids. Her mother told me that her weekends were exhausting because they had to constantly perform to stop her being bored. I felt terribly sorry for the whole family.

oops · 18/05/2007 22:57

Message withdrawn

TheMoistWorldOfSeptimusQuench · 18/05/2007 23:01

That's it isn't it? Some are good at football, juggling, making mud pies, singing twinkle twinkle in the key of G sharp.... You just happen to have one that has good understanding of symbols & their meaning.
(although am apparently into the Benign parenting thing, slightly too! Don't tell anyone tho)

mrsmalumbas · 18/05/2007 23:04

Just read fab book called Paranoid Parenting, he advocates benign neglect, am all in favour

oops · 18/05/2007 23:34

Message withdrawn

jajas · 18/05/2007 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

softmusk · 19/05/2007 11:29

i hate it when my parenting is given a label

i do whats good for my kids at the time if thats sitting and painting

or god forbid watching Jeremy Kyle while they run round the house zand garden with dolls prams

then as long as my kids happy health thats all that matters

pointydog · 19/05/2007 11:33

hallgerda

serenity · 19/05/2007 11:41

DD - (sorry hijack) my friend was at Swansea about the same time as you, lived in the student village too. Have lovely memories of his skanky shared bathroom, and one of his weird housemates who threw his guitar out the window. I think he did geography, but it was a long time ago.....

On topic, I am a slack parent and proud of it!

cornsilk · 19/05/2007 11:52

This thread is fantastic.
I'll feel better next week when I don't make them learn their spelling list.

squidette · 19/05/2007 20:01

a hundredtimes - i just posted a new thread about this and was directed here by Twiglett.

I have just read 'Paranoid Parenting' by Frank Furedi. So in answer to your question - yes, there is a book about this parenting style. Or rather, about how NOT to parent in a 'style'! ;)

Hallgerda · 20/05/2007 09:50

oops, I don't think teaching your child to read is necessarily in conflict with BN, provided you're doing it for the right reasons (build up your children's independence skills so they can do things for themselves, avoid ever having to know or care about ORT levels etc) rather than as part of a Serious Educational Plan or to be competitive. If they can write as well, then they can do their own Christmas cards etc. and save you the bother.

MrsThierryHenry · 20/05/2007 16:53

My ma-in-law seems to think we neglect our DS (aged 6 months) because we don't give him toys every waking minute of his life. She doesn't seem to understand that (a) everyone, including babies, needs quiet 'down time', and (b) the times when he's not got a toy in his hand are great opportunities for him to explore and observe th world - he's a real peope person and loves connecting with adults and children. I'd much rather that he grows into a man who is a great communicator than a man who only knows how to handle objects but not people.

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