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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Birds and the bees...

23 replies

Giveusahug · 20/05/2018 22:19

...tonight my lovely inquisitive 10 yr old daughter asked me how come she and her brother are related to their daddy when they came out of my tummy.

I fobbed her off but she'll ask again-no idea what on earth to say! Anyone got any advice? Preferably how to give just enough info to keep them happy without getting too detailed.

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delilahbucket · 20/05/2018 22:22

Age appropriate honesty is the best policy and don't elaborate, just answer the questions asked. My ten year old ds knows that a woman has the eggs and a man provides sperm and that both are needed to make a baby. He's never asked how they get together.

gingerbreadbiscuits · 20/05/2018 22:22

She does but know at 10? Are you sure? In year 6 they will learn about sex at school. It is time to explain it all to her.

mindutopia · 20/05/2018 22:27

Oh gosh, at 10 I would calmly tell her the truth. Surely, she must kind of know? My 5 year old has known probably since she was 4 that she was made from an egg in my tummy that mixed with sperm that daddy put in my tummy. She has yet to ask HOW the sperm got in there, but obviously we’ll eventually have to go there. I’m a scientist and I approached it from the scientific angle rather than focusing on the sex. But I suspect at 10 she kinda knows and is finishing for clarity and I think she’d be old enough to understand it all. Have they not talked about it in school yet?

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Original poster

Giveusahug · 20/05/2018 22:32

@gingerbreadbiscuits -She's yr5. She may have heard something at school that made her curious.

@delilahbucket-both my DCs are very inquisitive...her specific question was how do baby's get the daddy's dna as well as their mummy's.

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delilahbucket · 21/05/2018 07:18

All DC's are inquisitive. I'm surprised you've got to age ten before the question has been asked. Tell her the truth but only elaborate if she asks more questions.

Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 07:22

I'm sorry but you should have explained this, albeit in an age appropriate way long before now. I would catch her up quickly ahead of scho sex ed. I'll link a book I reccomend to clients.

Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 07:24

This one. Sorry I couldn't get the clicky link to work.

isthistoonosy · 21/05/2018 07:29

Very simply I'd say, Daddy sperm has his dna in it. Daddy gave a sperm to mummy, where it joined with her egg, which has mummys dna, to grow into a baby.
Although at 10 I'd also throw in a chat about periods if you haven't already. And basic facts like sperm comes from the penis, and swims up to the egg etc.

DragonsAndCakes · 21/05/2018 07:32

I think you need to explain the basic mechanics. Most ten yr olds know how it works I would think?

Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 07:32

Why the cutesy language?! Just be factual! There is nothing shameful about sex but it can become that way when parents are not open about it

PalePinkSwan · 21/05/2018 07:56

Really surprised she doesn’t know at 10. Just explain in a factual way, and don’t give much detail.

missbonita · 21/05/2018 07:59

Who do yo want to tell DC the facts of life? She’ll be told the facts in a biological way at school this year or next. I want to be the one to talk to mu dc about the important things in life and don’t understand this attitude.

Original poster

Giveusahug · 21/05/2018 09:46

Thanks all. Will check out that book. We have talked about periods. I have said that if she has any q's then she can ask anytime.

Surprised at pps who say I should have told her before...really? I don't know if i'm feeling a bit unsure as my family are v. Old fashioned (and s.asian) so didn't ever talk about this sort of thing. I will give it a go when she next brings it up.

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Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 10:35

Honestly OP, children are aware of sex far younger these days and she will have heard talk in the playground etc.

I have a dd who is 11, shes known about sex drom a very young age, explained at an age appropriate level since she started asking about babies etc at around 5. Now at 11, she knows all about sex and the practicalities of it, as well as periods, puberty in general and masturbation. Ive also begun educating her on healthy relationships and what consent means. I will do the same with my other 2 when they are older.

I see many clients in a professional capacity who have been raised by prudish parents, and it has had a detrimental effect on them as adults, either in that they think sex is something shameful and they are quite repressed, or they have gone the opposite way and become overtly sexual as a means to learn and understand sex as it was kept such a mystery, taking risks wirh both their physical and emotional health.

The book is really good, it explains everything in language that your daughter will understand and will make it easier for you to have discussions about sex if you are a bit anxious about it.

ShowOfHands · 21/05/2018 10:41

It's no different to telling them about how their kidneys work. Or their lungs. Both of mine asked at 3/4 and knew about sperm and eggs and so on from very young. My just turned 11yo is a raging feminist and v clued up on consent and sexual health.

I too work in this area and it's better to aim for age appropriate knowledge than fudging, avoiding and making it taboo.

BertieBotts · 21/05/2018 10:47

It is really better that she learns the facts than hears something incorrect in the playground. I know it is embarrassing, especially if your own family didn't talk about it. A book is a great way to discuss it.

BakerBear · 21/05/2018 10:47

At 10 she is far too old to not know how babies are made.

My 5 year old has recently been asking about babies as my sister has just had a baby and i have told her very factual things.

Dh is not on the same page as me and believes a 5 year old should not know that a baby comes out of the vagina.

Theresahairbrushinthefridge · 21/05/2018 11:04

This book is brilliant too.

missbonita · 21/05/2018 11:27

Not telling them makes into a weird secret - just be open and honest.

Fireballfriends · 22/05/2018 21:07

My DD asked at just turned 3. I gave simple answers but she asked question after question until I'd given her the full biological explanation. It didn't feel inappropriate because she'd led the conversation. It's not something to avoid talking about imo. I remember my mum explaining it all to me age 7 but I already knew it all by then.

isthistoonosy · 22/05/2018 22:18

Fireball when you say you explained it all how far did you go? I told mine (3 and 4 - and a boy and a girl) that the sperm comes out of the mans penis when it is big (i.e like DS is in the morning) and swims up the woman's vagina to get to the woman's egg.
But so far I've been able to skirt around the issue of how the sperm gets into the vagina. When they play they hand it over to the 'mummy' :-)

Did you need to go that far into the explanation? What did you say?

DropZoneOne · 22/05/2018 22:21

Our school covered sex education last term (year 5). I'd already introduced the subject through the Usborne book "what's happening to me" age 9 when it was pretty obvious puberty was starting.

Original poster

Giveusahug · 23/05/2018 15:27

OK so I have bought the Usbourne book mentioned above by pp...but my daughter has lost interest! But at least I'm ready for when she or my son want to have the chat... (luckily the book seems to have info for both boys and girls).

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