Could my DS become a 'feeder'

[anonimum]

After having his heart broken years ago my DS of 28 has at last found a girlfriend and is moving in with her after only a few weeks. She is lovely and we're happy for him, but she is extremely large (I'm a size 16 - trust me I'm not talking plump here). He has always been very concerned with his weight and he says that she is losing weight (a very sad time lead her to comfort eat), but when she is here he buys her KFC and tubs of icecream - in addition to the regular meals we have. I said quietly to him (alone) that may be this wasn't going to be helpful and his reasoning was that it was the weekend... Now DS would never usually snack like this... Am I right to be concerned that he may want to keep her large (he has very little confidence with women) and if so, is there anything I can say - I'm very aware that it is his life and he is in love, but there will be no overseas holidays (plane travel would be out of the question) and pregnancy - which they both are keen on for the future - would be dangerous. I don't want to interfere or be a bigot, but if he becomes a feeder this is a mental health issue, for them both and if I can head that off at the pass I'd like to. Anyone been in this situation and handled it well?

I’ve not been in that situation so can’t be of any help. Is there any chance that he associates food with love?

Even if he is, I don’t think there’s much you can do or say about it. He’s nearly 30!

Isn’t it like a sexual fetish? Different strokes and all that. Unless you’re worried that there’s a coercive control element to it?

No I don't think so - he was a little chubby himself as a child and has worked hard (weights/cycling/watching what he eats) to become slim and fit but not obsessional. He has never shown particular interest in large girls, probably the reverse - and has always been quite rude about the little extra weight I and his Dad carry!

Is she asking for him to get the kfc and ice cream or is he buying it and suggesting she eats it?

Please, please don't guilt your child and his girlfriend over the dangers of pregnancy while fat. I weigh 330 pounds, have had two babies: one c-section for breech with easy and uncomplicated recovery, one very easy vaginal delivery with no tearing, from which I felt recovered within 2 weeks. Yes, it is riskier, but the vast majority of women who are fat and pregnant still don't end up with horror stories as the result of their pregnancies. They end up with babies, same as anyone else.

I don't think most "feeders" would engage in their fetishism in front of their parents! Perhaps she just doesn't like the food you prepare, but is too polite to say? It could be that she developed some picky eating habits, which may make the weight issue worse. It also could be that you cook in a very carb-heavy way with few fats used, which makes a lot of people with metabolic syndrome (fat people who overeat) get misplaced hunger cues all over the place. Consider lowering the carbohydrate count of your meals and increasing fats, which improve satiety and may lead to fewer between-meal "feasts."

Um, after only a few weeks? I think you should be much more concerned about the fact that he’s moving in with someone he’s known for a few weeks than her weight. They’re talking about having children? They don’t even know each other!

I don’t think you can judge his behaviour about buying her a few treats while at your house as an indication of his future behaviour at all, but over the space of a few weeks? None of you know anything!

Did I read that wrong? It seems too strange to be true. Sorry if I missed something?