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Help me to understand these fears?

5 replies

Socrates73 · 26/04/2018 20:56

Hi! I have a five year old ds, generally happy and confident child. I'm not with his dad but we have a good relationship and ds spends either 2 or 4 days a week with him (alternating weekends) he was born in another country and has recently discovered two half brothers that he didn't know anything about living in this country. As a result he has spent all of April in his home country whilst ds has been with me full time. We've exchanged daily phone calls and video messages and ds's dad has sent various messages from the new found "uncles" and expects ds to reciprocate with messages and videos. The thing is, ds cries whenever I talk about these uncles, refuses to make videos for them and has started waking up at night crying and asking me to tell daddy not to bring the uncles home with him (there is some talk of this) he also wants to watch the videos that the uncles have made, seems to warm to them a bit after watching the video but then is soon back to being upset.
I've tried to talk to him about it but he just says that he feels "shy" and can't elaborate. Does anybody know what's going on? And how can I help? Thanks!

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/04/2018 08:08

That’s an unusual one. Does he know that it he won’t have to go and stay with them? That he only stays with you and Daddy?

Claire90ftm · 27/04/2018 09:39

Perhaps he sees the new uncles as people who mean his daddy has to spend time away from him. Or as people who will be encroaching on their time together (being in the video calls etc.). Or it could simply be that they're strangers.

Socrates73 · 28/04/2018 20:17

Thanks for replying..... yes I suppose that in some way he fears losing his daddy to this new family and this has been reinforced by spending a month apart from him. Hopefully once back he'll feel reassured that his daddy still loves him.

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Prestonsflowers · 29/04/2018 22:44

This may sound a bit strange, but does your DS know what an ‘uncle’ is?
It may sound like a strange word to him and he may not be a able to articulate his feelings about the word

Socrates73 · 29/04/2018 22:47

Preston, he does as he has "proper" uncles and aunts here that he has a great relationship with. I've also wondered if he somehow thinks the new uncles will be replacing them?

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