Well, as a ff mum, I think you should be proud OP!
I had an emergency C-section with my DS. Struggled with BF so the midwives, reluctantly, 'allowed' me to part BF, part express (very, very little came out) and supplement with ff. Just started to get there then we found out DS had a serious congenital heart defect so he was rushed across London. We found out he had a month to live. At that point even the expressed milk just disappeared. I was in bits. No breastfeeding counsellor about to help me and obviously the children's ward nurses were tied up with very sick children. So I ff by nasal tube whilst we waited for DS to have an operation.
At the same time I developed an infection in my C-section wound to the point that the children's ward nurses were very worried and sent me to the midwives at the main London hospital for antibiotics.
Unfortunately I got a midwife who was pregnant with her first child, about to go on maternity leave and who was adamant she was going to be able to breast feed with no problem. Her words when she found out I wasn't breastfeeding? 'oh that's such a shame, you really bond better over the breast. I plan to keep it going for at least a year. Best for baby you know.' What annoyed me is that it was her first, like mine. She knew nothing! Just what she'd read and heard. I just wished her well, said I was going back to my very sick child and hoped her birth would turn out better than my experience had. Nasty I know but I just felt so small. I went into the ladies and cried my heart out.
Then, a few months later (baby boy in tow) I bumped into my local breast feeding counsellor. She'd known how much I wanted to breast feed so asked how it was going and I explained I felt such a failure for ff. She gave me a hug and said 'is he growing, is he feeding well?' I said 'yes' and she said 'then you're doing your job'.
I went home and got the expressing machine out. I managed just 30mls a day but I did it. I didn't try to breast feed. We were still being asked to monitor how much he took and I was paranoid about him not getting enough (although I now know that was a bit daft as he'd soon let me know if he was hungry and I'd go from there). But he got 30mls of my milk each day and I'm proud of that.
Oh, and he's now 11 years old - still has the problem but it's managed. I can't thank the children's hospital enough but the midwife ... nothing good to say about her. I actually think her words made me give up even trying to breast feed because I was feeling terrified for my son, hurting because of the C-section and unsupported. Such a shame.
We really do need to find a way of helping mums to breastfeed and WANT to breastfeed without making ff mums feel like I did with that midwife. Even now, when I think of her words, the tears well up. Awful, unthinking woman.