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Parenting

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Original poster

10-Year olds with phones

36 replies

MrsWhirly · 16/04/2018 20:20

My DD is 10 in year 5. She doesn’t have a phone, we have said she can have one when she starts Year 7.

Suddenly all her friends have phones. I am allowing them to call and wassup on my phone, which is annoying but the pressure to buy her a phone is so much.

Does your 10yr old have a phone?

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ineedamoreadultieradult · 16/04/2018 20:25

Yes, so does my 8 year old.

I think it depends on the child though. Both my kids use their phones for contacting me when they are at their Nana's or friends house or the older one when he is playing out in the street. They use them in the house for games etc via WiFi and they take photos with them occasionally. They are not big talkers though and rarely even respond to DMs or texts from their friends never mind chatting to their friends on there. I have noticed DS1s friends who are girls spend a lot of time on Social media and their chat is quite bitchy in content.

Original poster

MrsWhirly · 16/04/2018 20:52

Gosh, I’m really not ready to let her have a phone. I think she will spend all her time on it. So much pressure.

OP posts:

Member212711 · 18/04/2018 12:13

Personally, I wouldn't. What does she actually need it for? To contact you in an emergency? You could get her a really simple non smartphone for that. To fit in? Really? She is only 10. My DS is 11 and now at secondary school and I am still holding out. Every time he asks for one, I remind him that I don't have a smartphone and he is welcome to a really old Nokia and, of course, he says 'no way'. I have had to explain in detail how much they cost - it never seemed to have occurred to him that you had to pay to use the internet (either with a phone or data charges) and I'd like him to be older and more able to discuss the pros and cons of technology and how to use it safely. And he isn't the only who doesn't have one; and your DD won't be the only one either. As I don't have one it is, I can see, an easier argument for me!

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ICantCopeAnymore · 18/04/2018 12:23

Yes, since she was about seven. She takes it to her hobbies so she can whatsapp if needs be. She also has a tracker on it. She doesn't really use it much at home - she isn't allowed to add school friends on WhatsApp yet so it's just for parents and grandparents. She plays the odd game or casts things to her Chromecast but it is all very strictly supervised and I have various apps that block downloading and usage.

She tends to use her tablet for most things anyway, so it's just peace of mind for her and us. She's quite anxious and likes to know she can message us if she needs to.

Happyandshiney · 18/04/2018 12:34

I have ten year old twins. No they don’t have phones.

A number of their classmates do but my own kids are well aware that I don’t care what other people are allowed to do or have.

They’ll get phones when they start secondary school and not before.

Original poster

MrsWhirly · 19/04/2018 17:27

Thanks all. We are definitely holding out on her getting one at the start of secondary school. Unbelievable pressure.

OP posts:

Happyandshiney · 19/04/2018 18:33

Pressure from whom OP?

From your daughter?

“I said no and an not going to change my mind regardless of whining” is usually fairly effective.

From anyone else? Just tell them it’s not their business.

Original poster

MrsWhirly · 20/04/2018 06:11

Yes from DC, her friends on her, other family members who have given their children phones.

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Greggers2017 · 20/04/2018 06:29

My children have them. Use them to message their dad when here or me when at their dads.
Dd takes it with her when at clubs and out with friends.
I want my children to fit in, be streetwise and minimise them having reasons to be teased. My dsd mum didn't want her to have one but Gave in when dsd was the subject of teasing and not invited round friends houses etc as they couldn't organise it.
Times have changed, it's much different to When I was ten.

parentorguardian · 20/04/2018 06:35

I agree with @Greggers2017 - the best parenting advice I ever received, when DD was about 3 was that the kindest thing you can do to your kids is let them be 'the norm' if that's what they want. I didn't really understand it at the time but totally get it now DD is 10!

My DD does have a phone but it only works on WiFi so she can only use it at home. When she goes to secondary she'll have a proper sim!

catinapoolofsunshine · 20/04/2018 06:35

No.

My kids get them when they start secondary.

We have an old phone of mine with a PAYG card which is a "family phone" which the 10 year old can ask permission to use, but it is not his and he only uses it to Skype one friend for a specific reason, and sometimes to take on specific (non school) trips if his big sister isn't going, to let us know what time the coach will be back (traffic etc meaning they can be an hour late or half an hour early).

My 10 year old cycled 3 miles to school on his own this morning but didn't take the phone - he's excessively rule oriented and the only worry he has about cycling is that I might make him take the phone because they aren't allowed at school and his whole day would be overshadowed by the guilt of knowing it was in his bag, switched off

catinapoolofsunshine · 20/04/2018 06:47

I must say that I often agree with not making your children different for the sake of it or because of your principles. I let DD have her ears pierced at 10 because wtf not, they are her ears and I could make sure that no unwanted consequences followed. I remembered being the only 13 year old in my school year whose parents wouldn't let her have her ears pierced, and it being commented on regularly. Ditto with watching trashy (but not age inappropriate, just low quality) TV, there is no need to make your kids outsiders because they don't know about TV all their friends watch just because you think it's rubbish...

However smart phones are a bit different. There are so many ways they can be used inappropriately.

If all the kids in the class have one, genuinely, then I think the compromise of one which only works in WiFi and does not go into bedrooms (so used in rooms the family are in together/ walk freely into/ where a parent could walk in any second) and with the understanding that parents will check the messages and history and they are not private property, sounds a good compromise at 10.

Luckily only a small minority of my 10 year old's peers have them, I'm only aware of 3 in his class. Where we live they seem to have become a rite of passage present given the summer before starting secondary.

megletthesecond · 20/04/2018 06:54

My 11yr old (Y6) has a brick. It doesn't even have a camera. He hates it and can't wait to get a nicer phone for secondary. But the battery never dies and it's indestructible.
He only needs it to contact me though. None of his mates seem to be that bothered about phones tbh.
The Y6 girls all stand around huddled at the end if the day on their phones though.

lynmilne65 · 20/04/2018 07:10

yes was a bit 😮 when 10 yr dgd had ears pierced, pretended not to notice ! It didn't go well

NoTNoShade · 20/04/2018 07:14

I think what happened here was that people were getting them for their birthday in year six and then people with summer birthdays started getting them in the summer of year five and it went from there.

KERALA1 · 20/04/2018 07:21

We held out until Easter year 6 - when she started going off with her friends on her own and I wanted to be able to stay in touch.

Hold out as long as possible. Certainly wouldn't have done it any earlier.

TBH am relaxed about pierced ears, but am strict about technology. Found most other parents the other way round. Figure technology way more dangerous to well being than wearing pretty earrings...

catinapoolofsunshine · 20/04/2018 07:27

I totally agree Kerala the ear piercing is all about what parents think looks naice or common - in other words the rules are usually irrational. The risks of a ten year old having unsupervised ownership of a smartphone are certainly greater than the risks of having a single piercing in the lobe of each ear fine under parental supervision.

I'm curious about what lyn means by "it didn't go well", that's a bit cryptic.

Toomanycats99 · 20/04/2018 07:41

My dd is in y6 and it seems a large number in her class got them for Christmas.those that didn't are expecting them for their upcoming 11th birthdays.

KERALA1 · 20/04/2018 07:55

Yes in some older people ear piercing has "common" "tarty" associations - outdated view imo. Being hard line about earrings but free use of social media an approach I found quite baffling

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 20/04/2018 08:07

Mine does. She has older siblings who gave her their old phones. She uses it to watch slime videos on youtube and she and her friends video call each other, whilst sitting in their own kitchens making slime (it's great - like a playdate but without actually having a house full of kids ).
Yesterday she did research for her homework on it.

I keep an eye on what she is doing. We have strict rules about only speaking to people from school, not adding people to chats without checking with me first. All her settings are private, so no one other than her friends can see what she says.
Have said no to own youtube account/fb.

But yes, it is true that nearly all her friends have phones or tablets - it's how they play and make plans now and I don't want her to be socially isolated.

gingercat02 · 20/04/2018 08:14

"All" our 3 class Y5 have phones except ds and his bff (according to them) while I'm sure this is not quite true it's not far off! I have said he can have one for his 10th birthday but no apps or games initially as I think he has enough screen time already. Could you do that?

Original poster

MrsWhirly · 20/04/2018 08:22

I also agree with the helping them to fit in with the norm, we are really not that strict - did had ears pierced at 3yrs because she wanted them.

I worry about cyber bullying, exposure to porn/violence etc. I work full time and really don’t think I could monitor as closely as I would like.

OP posts:

donnaeastman · 23/04/2018 03:31

Yes, My daughters which is 10 and 13 years old has a phone. It's for important purposes only like texting me whenever they are at their friend's house or send me some pictures wherever they are.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/04/2018 04:10

What exactly does 'having a phone' mean.

My 7 (nearly 8) YO and 9YO have phones - but they're our old ones and don't have SIM cards in them. They're just small tablets, essentially.

I won't be letting them have usable phones until they're at least in year 7, if not year 8. And even then, it will probably just be a designated family phone that they take with them to extra-curricula activities.

Just because everyone in the class suddenly has a phone, it doesn't necessarily mean what you might think it does.

DailyWailEatsSnails · 23/04/2018 05:33

Christmas yr6 DS will get 1st phone (with SIM). Enough challenges starting secondary, I want him to know how to use it before then. It has been very useful DC able to communicate with us during school day (need something they forgot, change of plans, etc.). DC school uses them as spare browsers & calculators in class.

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