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Original poster

Kids playing out on the street?

83 replies

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 17:28

We've just moved house 4 weeks ago and it's a quiet culdesac so made the decision to let our boys play out the front yesterday with the other kids some of which are younger than mine at 5 1/2 and 4 1/2.
Only for this to happen today my eldest comes back upset, he was playing with another child from the street in his garden and the dad of the kid told my son to bugger off?? Am I wrong in thinking that is majorly out of order? I'm furious but don't know how to deal with it? The dad then later drove past my house whilst I'm outside and told me very abruptly to stop my children playing in his house I had no idea they were in his house? He had come home and they were in there why didn't the Mum just say no when her son let them all in??
Mine have never played on the street till now so I'm very new to this territory.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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skippykips · 14/04/2018 17:51

They are 5 and 4? You let them outside and had no clue they were in somebody elses house?
Op thats really bad. I don't allow my kids in back garden with a 7ft wall surrounding without me watching like a hawk!

Thank God your neighbour told them to bugger off and it wasn't a scumbag saying 'look I have sweeties'

I am sure you have told them stranger danger but you also told them not to go in house.

skippykips · 14/04/2018 17:52

Ok, I didn't read the nit saying you were in garden too and they were 3 doors down. I retract my reply... sorry OP

Original poster

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 17:54

Yes I know most people who live on here as we have made sure we introduced ourselves. It's not the fact they got turned away that annoys me as that's fine I will most likely do the same it's the rudeness of the dad that I've got an issue with how can he justify telling a 5 near 6 year old to BUGGER OFF??

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NotTakenUsername · 14/04/2018 17:54

Thank God your neighbour told them to bugger off and it wasn't a scumbag saying 'look I have sweeties'

This is why you need to have ground rules OP. You haven’t established trust with that family. Ok so thankfully he wasn’t physically inappropriate, but his language and demeanour was really off. You have to protect your children.

I think you confused your children by having a rule about not going in houses but very readily allowed them into gardens. If this was their first time playing out I don’t think you set them up for success.

Mamabear4180 · 14/04/2018 17:55

What a shame parents are so overprotective these days!

I don't allow my kids in back garden with a 7ft wall surrounding without me watching like a hawk!

Wow. I let my 1 and 2 year old play in the garden without 'watching them like a hawk' jesus!

Personally I hate children playing on the street. That's what parks and things are for

Ugh how intolerant!

Original poster

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 17:57

Mama bear thankyou for that. I was beginning to think it was only me who allowed kids to play in our in the garden

OP posts:

fishfingersrus · 14/04/2018 17:58

I'm with mamabear. You did nothing wrong. If a parent doesn't want the kids in the house then of course they can ask them to leave but be nice about it. No need for the rudeness from the dad.

Original poster

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 17:58

Thankyou though for some of the advice gardens will be off limits too. Although may just stop them full stop which I'm sure will go down amazingly what has this world come too I used to love playing out with my friends

OP posts:

deadringer · 14/04/2018 17:59

You said you wanted advice about kids playing out op as you are new to it. You got it, keep an eye on them and drum it into them that they can't go into anyone's house. You didn't say in your op that you were watching them. The dad was rude, no question, but he doesn't want your DC in his house/garden and he is entitled to say so. How is anyone on here supposed to know why the mum didn't say no? Just tell your DC to keep away from that family and if they don't listen keep them in. You asked for advice, that's mine.

zeeboo · 14/04/2018 18:02

Im with you OP and @Mamabear4180. I'm far more concerned for how stifled some poor children must be nowadays. Mine played out at the same age and there was one father on our estate who was a complete wankpuffin. He would behave like that while his scared wife did nothing. In the end I said my lot couldn't go inside because I was sick of him shouting at his own kids, his wife and using foul language in front of mine. He also arrived at my house one day with his daughters bicycle in perfect nick to tell me how my son had 'broken it'. I never did work out what he thought was damaged.
Don't engage with him any more OP and hammer the message home with your boys that this is why you said no going into peoples houses. I'd ban them from his garden too.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/04/2018 18:02

Mama bear thankyou for that. I was beginning to think it was only me who allowed kids to play in our in the garden

but they weren't in your garden were they. They weren't even "out in the street". They were in someone else's garden and then their house. And despite you saying you were out the front, you clearly didn't know where they were (because you didn't know they were in dont one else's house).

So which is it op? Closely supervised or elsewhere without your knowledge?

Heratnumber7 · 14/04/2018 18:03

I don't need to know you OP. You just admitted you had no idea where your 5 and 4 year old were.

upsideup · 14/04/2018 18:03

Is bugger off really that offensive? Its not like he told them to fuck off. My DH has told our kids to bugger off before and its only ever been an affectionate and playful way to tell them they need to go somewhere else. I'm sure he could accidently or even purposely say it to someone elses kids when telling them they need to go home now thinking it was more jokey and less strict than just telling them they to go home rather than him trying to be a twat and offend, I guess it depends where you're from

Original poster

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 18:05

If you red mama bears post you would understand my reply bit out of practice.

OP posts:

Original poster

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 18:07

In my opinion bugger off is rude especially coming from a grown man to a child?? Yes perhaps it could be used in jest between 2 adults but this is a father and someone else's child.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 14/04/2018 18:07

how can he justify telling a 5 near 6 year old to BUGGER OFF??

Are your children likely to have been impeccably behaved little angles?

As siblings, do they share well? Deal with conflict and disagreement with good grace and patience?

Are they able to notice subtle language and tone to know when they have out stayed their welcome?

Mine have never played on the street till now so I'm very new to this territory

Wait until the time comes that you have several extra children to parent in your house, including squabbling over excited siblings, day after day after day after day through the holidays.

The feeling that you are being used as free childcare can make parents bitter and resentful towards the other children's parents.

There are lots of social niceties to understand when your kids are playing out. And it's not just about the playing out and it's nit just managing the relationships of the children involved.

If you're new to this, you've just not got the subtleties yet.

Mamabear4180 · 14/04/2018 18:07

And despite you saying you were out the front, you clearly didn't know where they were (because you didn't know they were in dont one else's house).

She did know where they were..they moved! Kids do that the sneaky little devils!

I hate this pressure on mums it's just daft. I don't know where my 1 year old is 100% of the time. Sometimes she's upstairs when I thought she was watching tv, sometimes she ran out in the garden when I thought she was upstairs. She still doesn't deserve to be called a bugger by an adult though.

Mamabear4180 · 14/04/2018 18:09

I'm amazed anyone is justifying this dad's behaviour tbh.

NotTakenUsername · 14/04/2018 18:11

Op I’m certainly not saying don’t let them play out. It’s a bit young for my taste but I think that is very subjective.

But I do think you’ve gone from nothing to everything very quickly. I think you need to do this in stages and allow your boys to show you they are ready for the next responsibility.

Would the 4yo have told you about the dad? If not, would he be allowed without the 5yo? If 4yo is only allowed out with 5yo is that a reasonable responsibility to put on 5yo... etc etc.

It’s not a case of a blanket ban, you just need to establish rules and boundaries to keep the children safe and keep you in control of their safety. They are still very young.

upsideup · 14/04/2018 18:12

Can adults not say things in jest to children? Its seems more appropriate to use a jokely playful term than directly telling someone elses child off to me.
Did you actually him say it and his tone?

NotTakenUsername · 14/04/2018 18:13

She did know where they were..they moved! Kids do that the sneaky little devils!

Well quite, and once they moved she no longer knew where they were.

Original poster

jessieb887 · 14/04/2018 18:13

I haven't put any responsibility on my 5 yr old, to look after his brother they went out to play together nothing more.

OP posts:

deadringer · 14/04/2018 18:14

Who is justifying it though? The man sounds like an utter arsehole but you can't tell other adults what they can and can't say in their own home.

eddiemairswife · 14/04/2018 18:14

Has the world changed so much since my children were small, or have people's perceptions? I suggest the latter.
Child molesters and murderers are a tiny, tiny percentage of the population, yet on here every person who has not been vetted by a child's parents is an immediate suspect.

NotTakenUsername · 14/04/2018 18:17

But if that is the case are you confident 4yo could have navigated the situation and told you why he was upset if 5yo wasn’t there?

I’m trying to give you examples of things to think about so you are more in control of this in the future.

You asked for advice but it actually seems more like you are looking for validation. Frustrating but not uncommon on aibu.

I’ll leave you to your bunfight.

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