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Parenting

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Original poster

Bf hates my kids

95 replies

Tracey321 · 16/03/2018 16:08

I have been with my bf for 5yr now I have 2 children form a previous relationship and we have a 3yr old together
To cut a long story short he hate my other 2 children he calles them all the time and is very controlling he will not let our 3 yr old near my other 2 children I have to keep them away from each other my other 2 children are not aloud in the same room as my bf and he hate me doing stuff for them I don’t know what to do for the best do I get rid of him for my 2 children or do I keep him for the sake of our daughter we have together

OP posts:

Original poster

Tracey321 · 17/03/2018 05:48

He wasn’t like that at the beginning of the relationship and I’ve come in here for help and support not to be judged

OP posts:

ohlittlepea · 17/03/2018 06:02

call women's aid lovely tgey will help all 3 of you get safe.

Saz1995 · 17/03/2018 06:05

Ring the police! Seriously just think of your poor children.

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PremierNaps · 17/03/2018 06:15

But people have given you advice and you seem to not want to take it. Get out while you can for your children sake or once they are old enough they will know mummy was enabling them to be abused and will no longer want to speak to mummy. They are 12 and 14 you said? They know it now! They see you are allowing them to be treated like shit!

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/03/2018 06:27

I do hope you decide to get help and understand it is not easy to get out of an abusive relationship. Your older children may take the decision out of your hands. The eldest is 14 and could end up talking to the school or calling child line and he is clearly abusing all of your children. It understandable you are really scared both of staying and of ss but you cannot stay with him because of fears of ss.

DinahMo · 17/03/2018 06:28

Tracey, SS are there to protect children if their parents are unable to, you’re thinking of it the wrong way around, it’s not ‘taking children away’, it’s protecting them from harm. SS would much, much rather help support parents to protect their own children and stay together, wherever possible. In this situation, your boyfriend is abusing your children, if SS do get involved they will help and support you to protect them from him. This is all so hard to see for you on this inside right now, because he’s abusing you as well. But you can stop this, and you can protect them.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Call them. They can help you. You can get rid of him.

Btw - of course he wasn’t like this at the start - and I bet he has his charming moments now as well. That’s how abuse works.

CosmicCanary · 17/03/2018 06:37

Morning OP.

Try to understand that posters "judgement" is because you have admitted you and your children are in a dangerous situation.

For those who have no experience of living in a DV relationship leaving seems easy. I know its not and I know your reluctance is through fear.

You know its wrong otherwise you would not have posted. Thats a good thing.
You need to plan and to get through your fear with each step.

Please contact womens aid or the national DV help line. They will not put pressure on you or judge you. They will listen and give advice. They will support you.

Children are not just simply removed from DV situations. Thats not how it works.
SS will if they get involved support you to keep your children safe. Its only if you fail to do so that they take action.

Do you think you could call a helpline today?

kittensinmydinner1 · 17/03/2018 07:49

The choice is yours. You can continue to let your children be abused in this horrible way - something that will affect their whole life - or you can stand up for them. And have him removed.

Go to the police station and ask for the DV unit.
This is your responsibility as their mother. And your responsibility if you fail to do so.
This is not a time for sitting on your hands!

Qvar · 17/03/2018 10:12

Well this isn’t a very unfair Twain’s that you cannot help, this is a good reason that you are not helping .

It was the thought of SS involvement that pushed me to rid myself of my abusive ex. The SS DID contact me often the Dv that happened - to make sure I was ok and if I needed help with housing. Had I left it until someone else reported it, such as a child’s friend’s parent - they would have come in with an eye on me for covering it up.

nimeau · 03/03/2019 05:51

Hi I just would like someones take on this. My ex used to hate my kids and I wasnt able to talk about them or even mention their names when we were together. We broke up because he said something really bad about them. He has come back into my life again to support me in my current mental state and still wont let me talk about my kids and i need to talk about my son as we are having issues. He let me say some things but now he has changed his mind and as soon as i mentioned my son he went on to describe his first time with his first gf and said if i talk about my son again he will keep talking about his ex..I do not see how the two are the same thing and how can he compare a child to an ex but he says if i bring up disgusting things then so will he. How can anyone hate someones kids so much that they repulse them? He says he hates them because he definitely knows i slept with two guys. I dont know what to do cause he is helping me get out of the house and gives me money. Im so lost and confused :(

TheFatberg · 03/03/2019 05:54

nimeau start a new thread and you'll probably get better advice. This thread is a year old and you'll probably find that people reply to the first post rather than seeing yours.

user1496701154 · 03/03/2019 08:05

What an aresehole of he knew you had other kids he needs to accept them and that your DC together has half siblings. He needs to grow up so to speak

user1496701154 · 03/03/2019 08:10

Just seen the comments about the abuse I'd definitely get rid before the abuse gets words. As it can affect your and your children mental health on later life. Take this from soemone who had an adusive childhood at home. I am so sorry you are going through this op

Quartz2208 · 03/03/2019 08:14

You need police and social services

Because if any of your children say anything at school social services could get involved and tbh OP you need them

Put your children first if you don’t you will lose them anyway the minute they are old enough to leave or realise this isn’t right or normal

Call them

gubbsywubbsy · 03/03/2019 08:17

My god I hope you listen , why is it some men think they are bloody animals and have to basically kill off the other children ( by hook or by crook ) to take over that pride ffs .. he sounds like a Neanderthal idiot .. be rid of him ASAP ..
My dh has a step dad like this , he used to burn him with cigarettes when he was 5 and make him wee in a bucket whilst the bio child was treated like a princess .. Vile vile man

TigerQuoll · 03/03/2019 08:42

@Tracey321 by being afraid of SS taking your children and having that be the reason you don't get the police involved - you're actually more likely to have your children taken away permanently. Because you're prioritising yourself rather than your children. You'll be seen as a danger to them because you will let your boyfriend have contact with them. Whereas if you do everything you can to get rid of him and keep him away you won't be seen as a danger. SS will find out eventually and if you are a danger to your children you won't ever see them again. If, however, you're doing all you can to her away from him they may support you to keep your children, or temporarily foster them while you get your life sorted and return them when you're stable. So please think of them first and foremost when making your decisions.

nimeau · 03/03/2019 09:55

Hi thefatberg.. I'm sorry I'm new here and didn't realise that I put my question on this thread,
I will do a new thread,.. Thanks,

Singlenotsingle · 03/03/2019 09:57

LTB

Auntiepatricia · 03/03/2019 09:57

You get rid for the sake of all 3 children! He may be the 3rd ones father but he’s totally fucking her up by creating an environment where her big siblings are being abused.

TheFatberg · 03/03/2019 10:24

No problem nimeau you can see that the people who have replied have done what I said. Hope you get some good responses.

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