Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Bf hates my kids

95 replies

Tracey321 · 16/03/2018 16:08

I have been with my bf for 5yr now I have 2 children form a previous relationship and we have a 3yr old together
To cut a long story short he hate my other 2 children he calles them all the time and is very controlling he will not let our 3 yr old near my other 2 children I have to keep them away from each other my other 2 children are not aloud in the same room as my bf and he hate me doing stuff for them I don’t know what to do for the best do I get rid of him for my 2 children or do I keep him for the sake of our daughter we have together

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/03/2018 16:33

Get some support - call women’s aid. Speak to the police. You are absolutely entitled to ask him to leave and if he becomes aggressive it is a police matter. Do you have any friends or family who could help you through this?

louise5754 · 16/03/2018 16:34

I feel for you as you can't just kick him out. It's ok people saying leave him but If it's your home and he won't leave I'm not sure what you can do.?I'd phone one of the helplines they will know exactly how and what to do. Your babies need you to look out for them. Imagine how they're feeling. Their home should be there safe place.

MorningCuppa · 16/03/2018 16:34

Don't worry about social services if your showing that you are protecting your children and doing the right thing by getting rid of an abusive partner you will be fine, it only takes for 1 of your children to speak out at school or to a friend and social services could get involved anyway and then you risk losing your children for not protecting them, please do the right thing by your children and yourself, you don't need to live like this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
gingergenius · 16/03/2018 16:34

Ffs call the fucking police

Bexter801 · 16/03/2018 16:38

Can a restraining order not be put in place to ensure he can't come near you,your house,the kids?

Bexter801 · 16/03/2018 16:40

Can anyone watch the kids somewhere,when your asking him to Leave,then if he starts being aggressive call police,insist on restraining order

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/03/2018 16:41

Womens Aid can help you draw up a plan for getting him to leave safely, as well as helping you with what happens next.

EllieMe · 16/03/2018 16:43

Stop thinking of yourself and think of your children. Get him out.

stitchglitched · 16/03/2018 16:46

Frankly, social services should be involved at this point. A record of police involvement could also help regarding contact for your youngest child.

Qvar · 16/03/2018 16:48

Tracey, they will, and if you can then tell social services that due to his behaviour, he has been made to leave. you can prove you safeguarded them.

If your 3 year old pipes up at nursery that his brother's aren't allowed to talk to daddy or be in the same room, the SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN, because they will see it as failure to protdect

The SS are going to be involved anyway because it's child abuse Make your you're doing the right thing when they do get involved

ChaosAndPiss · 16/03/2018 16:48

Your children need you to get rid of him.

Your children need you to be brave and face whatever may come in order to make them safe.

Your children need you to put them first.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 16/03/2018 16:49

Does he work? Does he leave the house at any predictable time? If so arrange for a locksmith to come and change the locks the next time he leaves. Pack his stuff up and have it ready for the police to give to him when he arranges the to escort him to come and get it. Do not open the door to him ever. If he turns up bending aggressive then you phone the police immediately and have him removed. Press charges for harassment and intimidation and get a restraining order.

GoldfishCrackers · 16/03/2018 16:49

I'm glad you're asking the question here. You're obviously looking for a way to put a stop to this but need some help finding a solution.

I expect he's been trying to make you feel like you can't turn to people for help. Being scared of asking for help from the police or social services could be part of this. So I would advise you to contact womens aid and ask for their help. They'll set you straight on what will actually happen if you call the police. They can also give you practical advice about getting him out of your house.

Good luck Thanks

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 16/03/2018 16:51

Btw I had social services involved. Best thing that ever happened for us. Seriously. They’ll get you the help you need.

Trumpdump · 16/03/2018 16:52

Please stop blaming the op! His behavior is not her fault! Sad

Let's all be a bit gentler with her, yes?

Popadoodledoo · 16/03/2018 16:55

What the hell?

Is this a joke?

Obviously you put your children first!!

Your poor kids. There life's must be hell he sounds like a right cunt.

-yes. I did say cunt-

Whydomypubeslooklikeanest · 16/03/2018 16:57

Please stop blaming the op! His behavior is not her fault!

Let's all be a bit gentler with her, yes?

Agreed.

Ok is in an abusive relationship and is now recognising that she needs to get out.

She needs support not a flaming.

Gazelda · 16/03/2018 17:05

In your OP you said I don’t know what to do for the best do I get rid of him for my 2 children or do I keep him for the sake of our daughter we have together.

I think you know in your heart that it'd be best for all 3 children, and yourself, if you got rid of him. But I understand how hard that is. Please listen to the posters who recommend contacting Women's Aid to get support in putting together a plan. They will help you keep things calm, anticipate any tricks he might have, keep things fair regarding access to your DD, make sure that you are all safe. The least dramatic this gets, the better for you long term.

But please get help to separate. Your elder 2 must feel unimportant, unloved, bewildered, and more. Your youngest risks growing up not being able to form healthy relationships. But with help you can give them all better prospects.

YearOfYouRemember · 16/03/2018 17:14

You need to realise you are allowed to do what you want.

If you really want him gone there are enough people on here who can talk you through the whole process and he could be gone before the start of a new week.

So do you really want him gone?

My mother chose a man over me. My life was then shit. I have no mother. Don't fuck up your kids more than they already are.

TalkinBoutWhat · 16/03/2018 17:18

You wait until he is out of the house, and then you get a locksmith in to change the locks. Then you have a friend (or two) to be with you to hand over all of his belongings to him when he returns.

If he kicks off, you call the police straight away.

Get him out of the house for the sake of your THREE children and YOURSELF.

gingergenius · 16/03/2018 17:35

I do t understand why OP is more worried about social services involvement that her children or herself being abused? Agree she needs support but sometimes support comes in a form that isn't necessarily flowery and fluffy. She needs to call the police. Yes SS will be involved but unless there is a very good reason you're worried about them being involved, then it's for the benefit of the children. Happened to me and yes I had to face up to a few home truths about my relationship but they were right and my kids are much better for it.

Lillygolightly · 16/03/2018 17:52

Tracey if you want to protect ALL of your children and if you want the abuse of them and you to stop and want him out then social services involvement is a good thing.

I totally get that his abuse of you has paralysed you, you fear him and it has made you doubt yourself relentlessly. You can’t see it now because your still in it but once you get yourself and your children out of this situation you will be so glad that you did.

I know it is scary and I know that is probably hard to imagine life within him, without the abuse you’ve become accustomed to. There is help out there, all you have to do is be strong enough to reach out for it.

The best things to do are to contact Women Aid, contact social services yourself and ask for help, it really will be so much better if you initiate this, call the police report his abuse, they can help removing him from your house.

I know all of the above seems insurmountable and to much for you to do. Take it one step at a time and call women’s aid.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/03/2018 18:47

So what if they send a social worker?

You can’t risk yours kids safety because SS might get involved.

Your youngest is in danger too, don’t fool yourself.

Call the police, tell them he’s violent and you need him removed, tell them you are terrified of him. Then get the same arrangement as you have for the eldest two.

Then get some counselling and get your self sorted out - for your kids, if not yourself.

NSEA · 16/03/2018 18:49

These are extremely important years for your kids. They need to know you will do right by them. Is there anyone who can put you all up?

Original poster
Tracey321 · 17/03/2018 05:38

I am worried about them being involved because I’ve seen my friends children taken away from her for a very unfair reason what she could not help

OP posts: