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Parenting

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Original poster

I need to become a better mum

87 replies

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:28

I am crap, really I am.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 20:34

But Dd1 can't swim though Enid, and neither can the other 2 so ont sure i'd be safe with 3 non swimmers on my own.

I feel like I am making excuses.

I can try the 25 min thing though, although how stupid does it sound that I am worried they will think I am odd and tell me to go away.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 20:38

I have to admitt that when my computer was broken a few weeks ago, I did a whole lot more in the house and with the kids. We started watching this american sitcom, erm 8 simple rules, and me and dd1 and dd2 would sit there and watch 2 episodes whilst waiting for the tea to cook. Since I got a new computer, we haven't once watched it.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 20:39

Not that watching tv with them is actually doing something with them, but we'd laugh about it and talk and joke about it whilst it was on.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 21:36

Right ok, for starters I need to cut down on the amount of time I spend on here.

So from now on MN is banned on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays until 8pm. Ds is at nursery on a Tuesday and Thursday, but even so I have stuff that needs doing in the house so MN only after lunch and then not between 4 and 8.

Not sure what to try with weekends, perhaps an hour after lunch and then nothing until after 8pm ??

You lot will have to shout at me though if you see me on here when I shouldn't be....please.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 21:51

Oh and I have been on the local council site to see if there is anything free we can go to or do locally, and apparently starting at the end of june, there will be a huge sandpit/beach type thing in Brum city centre which the kids will absolutly love as they loved it when they went to the beach last year.

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Aloha · 07/05/2007 22:21

I DEFINITELY think that watching tv with your children counts as interaction. They love it. And watching films too. Totally bonded with dsd by watching Doris Day and Carry On films with her when she was really young.

harman · 07/05/2007 22:22

Message withdrawn

harman · 07/05/2007 22:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 22:31

Remind me where you live Harman, have completely forgotten.

Aloha - Dd2 loves Doris Day and Carry on films, anything like that, and Dd1 loves Keeping up Appearances, she absolutly howls with laughter.

I do tend to put a film on and then wander of and get things done, probably because they are all sat quiet and so I know I can get things done, but really with Ds at nursery 2 days a week I shouldn't have so much to do on the other days, it's cos I sit on here.

I think Ds is too old for me to qualify for Homestart now Harman. I do have a volunteer from kids charity visit me once a week though, she just chats to me about anything I feel I need help with for that week. She did try and refer me to a place called Work Directions, as they help you back into work and have grants for clothes for interviews etc, oh and grants for driving lessons, but because they won't help me because my postcode falls under what is considered to be an affluent area.

I do really want driving lessons, but i think it wil have to wait until i am earning unfortunatly.

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oliveoil · 07/05/2007 22:36

I am kind of doing this at the moment nutty, I found I was trying to do all my jobs in the day, so that I could chill out at night

but then I found the whole day would go with me rushing about and not playing with them

so now I FORCE myself to sit down in the playroom and do stuff (ignoring the call of ironing/hoovering/etc etc)

I go out every day, to the park, round the shops

they love throwing water about in the garden and I used to shriek about wet clothes (ffs) and now shut up

good idea to ban MN, I don't go on it in the day - chance would be a find thing with dd2 anyway - and just go on at night or at work

harman · 07/05/2007 22:38

Message withdrawn

Aloha · 07/05/2007 22:39

It is fab when they like proper stuff, isn't it? Like everyone, when the children are watchng a film it is SO tempting to do stuff for yourself, but then you feel guilty and anyway, it is lovely to watch a film and have a cuddle and a chat at the same time. You always feel better for it.

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 22:40

Yeah and I think I'd enjoy it a whole lot more if I only came on here of a night Oo. As it is now, I just sit reading active convos over and over again and i'm bored with it but can't move my arse and do anything else.

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Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 22:43

Ahhh Kent thats it. I'll certainly try, obviously will depend on money, but i'll try and find out about train fares etc.

I think the woman opposite me is a volunteer for Homestart, will ask her about it when I next see her out.

Right, I have been good and laid out all of the clothes etc needed for the morning. Normally I would leave it and rush then and everyone would be moody.

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Malaleche · 07/05/2007 23:00

By LadyTophamHatt on Mon 07-May-07 19:48:15
"God, this is something I never thought I tell MN.
Ds3 was playing playdoh a few weeks ago and I was helping him (through gritted teeth), just rolling it out and stuff.
I had to do somthing in the kitchen so ddi that and sat back down with him.

After a few more minutes he said "Mum....why are you playing with me?"

I felt sooooo awful. I still do actually and will probably regret posting this because it's crap parenting to the highest degree. "

This reminded me of something DD1 3.7 yo said to me yesterday when i was rushing her to cross a road when she was already hot and tired and hungry and was bearing up very well- "why are you so rude to me?" I nearly died...(and I'm halfway through reading 'Unconditional parenting' by Alfie Kohn so i really should know better).

I'm not a single parent but am on my own all day till 8pm with 8 mo baby and DD1 too all afternoon from 4pm. DP comes home, cooks, eats , picks up DD1 and goes back to work (i should be doing the work, it's my shop, but i can't be bothered). There are no play groups or anything like that here in Spain and i feel really lonely and bored most of the time. My friends are too far away or too busy with their own families and jobs. I made a 'no laptop during the day' rule recently but MN is almost my only source of adult interaction and so i break the rule most days...
It must be hard playing with older kids who have their own agenda but there must be things you can do together....?
We have to try and make each day a happy one in some small way, they'll be all grown-up before we know it .

moondog · 07/05/2007 23:01

Alfie Kohn is a complete charlatan who misunderstands human nature btw.

Malaleche · 07/05/2007 23:02

Oh.

Malaleche · 07/05/2007 23:03

Malaleche · 07/05/2007 23:20

moondog please elaborate

mamma2kids · 08/05/2007 12:43

Nutty. When you read this tonight.
Good for you. I really admire your spirit. Sounds like you're trying every option. Your kids are lucky to have you for a mam.

WK007 · 08/05/2007 12:56

nutty, you're not the only one, I could have written most of what you have and I've only got the one - 3 must be 100 times harder.

Especially know what you mean about "It's like, I do what I have to do and no more." - that's more or less what I've done ever since dd was born, especially in the early days when I had PND. The important thing is you do what you have to, you don't swan off on holiday and leave them to rummage through bins, you don't chuck them out on the street, you don't starve them etc - that doesn't sound like much when you should be entertaining them and being fantastically brilliant but its all they desperately need.

I've still got a long way to go to get near being the sort of mother I want but as long as I keep dd healthy and safe and she knows I love her then I think that's good enough - and sometimes good enough is all you need.

I'm absolutely sure your kids know you love them, which makes you the best mother they could ever have - so never say you're crap. Yes, you could be going out more and doing more with them but thats the icing on the cake, its not the stuff that makes you a good mother. Just give yourself time to accept that you're a good mother as you are and maybe you'll feel more able to improve things slowly.

Sounds weird but I only started being able to 'improve' on what I did with dd when I accepted that I wasn't anywhere near what I thought was a 'good mother' but that dd knew I loved her so I must be ok as I was. The you stop having to spend most of the time stressing and feeling guilty and can get on with (starting to) live.

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 08/05/2007 20:01

Evening , kids are in bed so here I am. I stayed off even though DS was at nursery all day. Came online to check job centre site whilst eating my lunch and that was it. Am quite proud of myself.

Thanks again for all of the kind messages, it means alot to know that I am not the only one who sometimes feels as though I am not doing a very good job.

Because I stayed off MN today, I got loads done in the house, 3 loads of washing and drying, tidied up all of downstairs and had dinner started on time, so that meant the kids went in the bath on time, and I was alot less stressed. Normally I have them in and out of the bath quicker than you could blink, but tonight I talked to Dd2 and Ds whilst they were in there, sang some songs about numbers with Ds and basically has a much nicer time.

So, The kids are bathed and in bed, the washing up and drying up is done and put away, and the last load of washing is in the dryer, so I am here with a nice cuppa, and feeling one hundred times better than yesterday.

Oh and me and DS have started a junk bag, for cardboard boxes, loo rolls etc, and when we have enough we are going to make a huge robot , Ds's face was a picture when I suggested it .

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lucykate · 08/05/2007 20:11

nutty, you post tonight has put a smile on my face, it was lovely to read. good for you, glad you had a good day

WK007 · 08/05/2007 20:13

Sounds great nutty, so glad you're feeling better - and good for you staying off here

Original poster

NuttyMuffins · 08/05/2007 20:19

Thankyou

It was very hard staying off here, as sad as that sounds.

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