When to tell daughters about periods?

[strawberrytheguineapig]

My DD is nearly 9. I’m living in denial thinking I don’t need to have this conversation for years yet. But my friend today said she was NINE when she started!!

I don’t want to leave it too late but don’t want to do it too early.

Any advice?

Thanks.

@Ohyesiam that's really interesting! If you don't mind me asking what did the acupuncturist do? Where do they place the needles? I know it sounds stupid, I'm terrified of needles but I'd take that any day instead of the monthly vomiting and passing out, along with a small fortune of sanitary products!

DD is 6 and has known since 3. Just the basics. She just asked again a few month ago as she couldn't remember the story. I'll tackle it again in a year or so just to make sure.

I’m another one with a DD in denial. She has grown up watching me use sanitary towels and asked me once when she was about 5 and I told her in what I thought was an age appropriate age. She cried the rest of the afternoon and had NIGHTMARES that night because she didn’t like blood...🙄 At 8, whilst visiting the body exhibit at Natural History Museum, she freaked out at all the display and asked to leave when we tried to explain how babies are made and born. She is now 10 and stil isn’t the slightest bit interested (I tried talking to her about puberty a few weeks ago). I genuinely don’t know what to do, she just doesn’t want to know!

Timely thread. DD (6) came across a book I’d bought to read with her “later” today, called “Let’s Talk About the Birds and Bees”. She was insistent that I read it. She’s 6, but bright and emotionally mature for her age and has an older brother, so I thought we’d give it a go. She loved it, was very engaged, asked relevant questions etc and not at all phazed! We read the book from cover to cover and went through the differences between boys and girls, puberty, sex, pregnancy, childbirth, same sex relationships, blended families. The book was really well written to encourage discussion. Ds(9) joined in too, although he already knew a lot of stuff.

It was an unplanned afternoon, but i’m glad we did it. A strangely bonding experience. The only tricky Q was “Why is it called “Birds and Bees”?”

"You really should have had the conversation already" this!

Have you discussed ANYTHING sex ed related at all? Bodily autonomy?

I was a late starter but several relatives started around 9/10 and they're now 40+

Plus she may be experiencing other changes she is scared by and doesn't want to mention. I do not understand parents who leave this to the last possible minute.

Ask her what if anything she knows about how babies are made - i think it very likely she'll have a lot of misinformation you'll need to deal with first, I've worked in a voluntary capacity with children of this age - prepare to be shocked because her school friends have older brothers and sisters who discuss all sorts in probably quite a crude way, plus her friends parents will probably have been more open.

It'll also give you an idea of where her level of understanding is in terms of the words and phrases she uses. Be lead by her, keep it simple, be calm and ensure she understands it's nothing to be afraid of BUT it will probably be painful and she may feel "odd", moody etc. Be clear she can ask/tell you ANYTHING and you won't be shocked/cross.

I have a 17 year old dd and honestly without wishing to sound harsh you need to get over yourself. We have a very open relationship but I've seen/she's told me stuff that's gone on with her friends and it's a cliche but it's true - the ones with the more conservative parents are FAR more likely to have sex younger, have more partners, give in to pressure to do acts they don't really want to etc

Please DON'T leave it to JUST books and I'm sorry Juneau but he info in teen mags was AWFUL! She may have questions, worries, fears and need your reassurance plus it will give the impression you don't want to talk about it, that it's a thing that isn't talked about. Good quality books can work well as SUPPORTING material but shouldn't replace your parenting.

Herethereandeverywhere I have endo as do several relatives. I still didn't assume dd would BUT I did as she got closer to puberty say to her IF she experienced a lot of pain, bleeding she needed to tell me so we could go to the dr and get it looked into. Completely up to you if you say or not but I wonder if the reason for your difficulties was diagnosed/treated. It's important this isn't ignored as whatever the cause is could possibly lead to infertility or mc as in my case.

I have never had any obvious diagnosis Graphista I have visited Drs since I was 12. I have been prescribed Ponstan, every hormonal treatment under the sun (that just deliver a whole bucket of other side effects), my bleeding isn't heavy enough to warrant the T acid it's just excruciating pain. There's no 'problem' so there's no cure. Except the standard pain killers (at doses which skim the surface of the pain). I wanted a hysterectomy in my late teens because if it but wasn't taken seriously. I really don't want to hand the baton of dread to my DD until the last minute.

Not surprised. My endo went undiagnosed for 14 years - that's kinda my point, we shouldn't tolerate being fobbed off! Have you even been referred to a gynae? Had proper scans, tests, lap?

My 5yo DS knows about them. It's never been taboo or secret. My kids see me change and they ask questions. We've always discussed it. Girls do seem to be starting earlier these days. My 10yo DD has big sleepovers a lot (5 or more girls visiting at a time) and often one or two will be on their period. And they're 10 and 11!

Get her to watch ‘Operation Ouch don’t panic about puberty special’. It’s usually on iPlayer & was a good place to start &helped me with my ddwhen she was 6.

Graphista I'm scanned regularly because I have a high-risk family history (ovarian and breast cancer) - no sign of endo from ultrasounds. I have a friend who was scanned for ovarian cycsts and they only discovered endo when they operated for the cyst so perhaps it's there and they can't see it? I'm not very fertile so it would explain that too I suppose.

Anyway, this is a tangent to the general puberty thread. I'm already determined to take DD to a proper dermatologist when the horrific acne/blackheads start - mine started at 9-10 so not long for that.

Yes to the Operation Ouch episode. I downloaded it and dd1 (10) watches it back occasionally. She knows all about it, we went and bought pads and she had a try of them and she knows where they’re kept so I think we’re set but I also think it’s helpful for her to be reminded of things at her own level once in a while. Hence that show is useful and she has a couple of books.

DD is almost 10 and I am soon to have the conversation with her. She has already developed breasts but no other signs yet. I started in primary school myself, so need DD to be prepared.

I bought a book called The Care and Keeping of You, which was recommended on MN to me when I asked the same question. It is aimed at girls aged 8-10 and very simple yet detailed. There are 2 books, the first focuses on puberty and the second one is more about sex.

I found it at the right level that I want for DD at this moment. I did buy an Usborne book, can't remember the name, but it went into far too much detail for my liking.

DD has memory and concentration issues, so by buying a book for us to look at together, it means that she can also read it on her own and take it all in , in her own time.

Start at about 3. 9 is absurdly late.

Hun. I know it's hard . But sit her down and tell her girls bleed, and from where. And that is completely normal. You will feel so much better when you have said it.. And you never know, but she might have an idea already. Good luck.

She is growing from a girl to a young lady.🤗

What were you searching to resurrect a thread from months ago?

Now.