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Original poster

When to tell daughters about periods?

92 replies

strawberrytheguineapig · 02/03/2018 16:41

My DD is nearly 9. I’m living in denial thinking I don’t need to have this conversation for years yet. But my friend today said she was NINE when she started!!

I don’t want to leave it too late but don’t want to do it too early.

Any advice?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Isadora666 · 02/03/2018 17:01

My SON knew what periods were at nine. Your daughter should definitely know.

WellTidy · 02/03/2018 17:01

I have a friend who started at 8. I don't have daughters, but if I did, I would tell them at 9. Something I have noticed as I've got older is the differences between families' attitudes to pads and tampons and all that paraphernalia. DH , has two sisters, and they lived at home when I used to visit. There was always a box of tampons lying around in the bathroom, in the same way as there was the toothbrush cup and loo roll, just there in full view. Whereas me and my mum would keep ours in a lidded basket, and I took my cue from her in that respect as that is what she did. All very discreet. DH is very open about talking about sanitary protection, when my period is due or happening etc. My dad on the other hand seems to be the type who would faint if he were made aware of periods in practice.

NoSquirrels · 02/03/2018 17:05

OK, so you can’t go back in time and do it differently (FWIW my DC have known from tiny) but at 9, you need to talk about it now. If you don’t, someone else at school will and you don’t want it to be a big deal. It’s just a bodily function that girls have,

Have a little chat, find out what she knows already about puberty, go from there. Get her a great book to read so she can ask more if she wants to.

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9 year olds Families General parenting
MrsPnut · 02/03/2018 17:06

I would buy her a suitable book because even if you talk about these things regularly, having a source to look things up is invaluable. Our book has been well thumbed over the years.

ReinettePompadour · 02/03/2018 17:08

They cover it in year 4/5 as part of the sex education. Theres plenty of age appropriate books you can buy and read through with your DD.

I remember being horrified when mine started at 13. I had no idea. I vowed my dd would never be kept in the dark. They were both aware from a very early age and I fully explained it to them at around 7 years old.

snewsname · 02/03/2018 17:09

Just drop it into conversation. If you make it a big deal it will become one. You should talk about it as if it is as normal and natural as brushing your teeth and depending how interested she is then you might want to continue with the sex talk too. If it doesn't get that far, tackle that relatively soon too.

GrooovyLass · 02/03/2018 17:10

Do you have periods? I'm not sure how she could have got to 9 without knowing something about them if you do. It's how it came up in natural conversation with my DD.

NoSquirrels · 02/03/2018 17:12

As it appears I need to say something soon what do I say?

Pick a time when you’re both relaxed and in a chatty mood and not distracted by siblings etc. Ask her “Have you learned anything about puberty at school yet?” Listen, respond appropriately. She might know more than you think. If she says “No - what’s that?” or doesn’t specifically mention periods, then say something like “Well, it’s when your body changes and got girls that means you develop breasts and start having monthly periods” and go from there. Tell her you were 13 but her aunt was 9, or whatever.

Keep it light. It’s not embarrassing or scary. It just is what it is.

upsideup · 02/03/2018 17:13

Its really not a big deal. My 3 year old dd knows about periods to a 3, my 10 year old dd has definately known all the facts for years, it really does them no harm to have that infomation and IMO its a lot easier for them to handle if they are slowly introduced to it than it just being sprung on them after they needed it.
Why would you not want to tell her? I cant think of anything negative that could happen.

Taffeta · 02/03/2018 17:18

Usborne What’s Happening to Me (girl version) is an excellent book to read with her

My DD keeps it in her room and reads it herself every now & then

Valentinesfart · 02/03/2018 17:21

All mine have known about periods since, well since they born pretty much. How did you avoid her seeing period stuff when you were in the bathroom? Were you actually left alone in the toilet? Shock

But if you've really left it this long you need to talk to her about periods, sex babies etc right now.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 02/03/2018 17:22

I explained when my DD was...3?...Maybe 4. She asked what the sanitary bins in the ladies are for, so explained. She'd never seen me use them as I've got the Mirena and don't get periods.

I don't think information about their bodies and biology is ever a bad thing, so long as you explain it in age-appropriate terms.

AveEldon · 02/03/2018 17:22

I would also recommend the Usborne book

Valentinesfart · 02/03/2018 17:22

taffetta is that the one that says girls get breast to be attractive to men? Hmm

Valentinesfart · 02/03/2018 17:23

www.theguardian.com/books/2017/aug/29/usborne-apologises-puberty-book-childrens-publisher

Usborne apologises for puberty book that says breasts exist to make girls 'look grown-up and attractive

eugh

Cynara · 02/03/2018 17:26

My mum was a nurse, so was always very matter-of-fact about biological functions, and as a result I can't remember ever having a proper talk with her about periods, they were always just accepted as a normal thing. So for example, as a toddler I'd be chatting to her in the bathroom while she changed a sanitary towel, and didn't think anything of it. From then on (which is as far back as I can remember) everything was just discussed as it occurred. If I were you, I'd start having casual, light hearted conversations about periods/hormones/physical development and be available to answer any questions your dd may have.

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/03/2018 17:26

I just find this bizarre. My two year old son knows what periods are (in an age appropriate way) because he’s seen me in the bathroom changing tampons etc. I figure it’s easier to just make it a part of life so I never have to have The Talk Hmm Your daughter will take her lead from you so if you act as if this is a huge embarrassing issue she’ll think it is too.

slippermaiden · 02/03/2018 17:27

Are you sure she doesn't know anything? My two kids always knew about periods since they saw me always in the bathroom. My daughter knew from an early age that one day it would happen to her and when she was about 8 I explained why and what to do.

UnderneaththeArchers · 02/03/2018 17:28

Have you not talked about sex yet? (Surely you have). Periods are a natural part of those conversations. If you feel more confident with a book try Usborne's Growing up for Girls. I have talked about sex and periods with my DD since she was 2. But I also wanted her to have a practical 'how to' guide to read herself (and in case I dropped down dead before she got there). Buy some towels and tampons and show them to her. Lil-lets do a teen starter pack.

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/03/2018 18:00

I'm not sure how you've got this far without her knowing?

Did she not follow you to the toilet incessantly as a toddler?

SoFancy · 02/03/2018 18:03

Started giving her bits of info when she was about 6 and then gradually more info. Lucky I ddid, as she started shortly after her 9th birthday (despite me/sisters all being 13 when we started).

Definitely time to broach it.

Taffeta · 02/03/2018 18:11

Valentine - no if you read your link it’s the boy version that’s in, not the girl one

The girl one is excellent and talks about body image, health, different shapes etc.

I’d recommend it

IdblowJonSnow · 02/03/2018 18:11

Funny reading this as I'm always trying to broach this with 8 yr old DD and she absolutely refuses to discuss it! I've offered to buy a book about it instead but she said she won't read it. Can't see her being an early developer as she's very petite and I was 14!

Aria2015 · 02/03/2018 18:12

I know a few girls who started at 9 and I had a friend who started at 8! Because of my friend the whole class had to have a talk about periods because she was telling everyone anyway lol! I think the main thing is to just get across what to expect and treat it as an exciting time and something to celebrate, not something to be scared about.

3luckystars · 02/03/2018 18:23

That’s brill that all your children know form age 3 but I could have gone 20 years without mine knowing! They don’t come to the toilet with me ever so would have no idea about periods unless I tell them myself.
All my hinges are in my own toilet so they don’t see them and have never asked.

Some people find these things easy to talk about, I don’t! I am absolutely dying of embarrassment talking about any of it but I force myself because like I said above, nobody told me anything and that’s not nice at all.

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