When to tell daughters about periods?

[strawberrytheguineapig]

My DD is nearly 9. I’m living in denial thinking I don’t need to have this conversation for years yet. But my friend today said she was NINE when she started!!

I don’t want to leave it too late but don’t want to do it too early.

Any advice?

Thanks.

I think there's a difference between knowing about periods from being around a mum / sister / grandma or seeing pads / washing etc, to understanding what periods are / feel like / how to deal with them when you're a 9/10/11/12 year old girl. It's two separate issues although they can be covered off in 1 conversation if that suits.

My 3 children (mix of girls and boys) have always known I think, never really been discreet about it, had conversations about blood / period etc as and when they asked etc.

DD is 12 - she started her periods about 6 months ago (end of Year 7) although had PMT symptoms a little before that. We probably had a really detailed conversation in Year 5.

DD has seen me in public bathrooms from being a toddler. Recently asked me all about them, why they happened etc. She’s 6. My parents never spoke to me about them and I only had the primary school talk.

Does nobody else's DD do that denial thing then? Mine is glued to my hip at all times. She has watched me change tampons since she was a baby; watched me deal with a huge flooding session while out in public and had a long conversation about it, yet still "didn't know" what it was all about when they had the period chat in Y4.

She still refuses to discuss it at all and when we've stopped in the "feminine hygiene" aisle while shopping has dragged me away saying "I don't need that don't buy it". She is almost 11 and really doesn't want to know. She is metaphorically sticking her fingers in her ears and saying la-la-la-not-listening.

Please tell her ASAP, my mum never told me about them and I was absolutely traumatised when I had my first. I thought I was seriously unwell!!

My Mum is a massive prude and clearly found the conversation awkward. She always hid her pads and tampons and made me feel so uncomfortable when I asked about them.

IM sure lots of girls are like that. Could you get her a book and say if she has any questions to come to you.

Now, basically.

I don't have periods anymore (hysterectomy) and I started at 13 but my 9yr old knows about them and we've got SanPro in the house. Much amusement seeing how much water a tampon can hold .

A girl in my class started at junior school so best to get on with it. You don't want your DD to get a shock like that poor girl, who knew absolutely nothing about periods, and locked herself in the loos crying that she was dying

To be fair I knew nothing at that age either, but nowadays it is much more common to start at primary age. My mother didn't start her periods until she was 19 so assumed I wouldn't need to know anything until at least 15. I started at 13, luckily school had explained things first year of secondary so I was only mildly surprised. Mum freaked and threw some sanitary pads at me (the old fashioned ones that attached to a belt) and never mentioned it again I went to the chemist and bought tampons and learned how to use them from the pictures.

I have explained to DD (6) about periods, and puberty and how babies are made in an age appropriate way since she was a toddler, she finds it all fascinating and not at all embarrassing so far so hopefully we will both cope with it OK when the time comes.

Surely the subject of why do grown up women have breasts etc has come up at some point? Is she is becoming conscious of covering up her chest? That could be a starting point for a conversation about puberty and what it involves.

My DD does and she’s 5, both my DSs know the basics too as likely one day they’ll have a wife and/or daughter so if they can be more understanding and informed about it then I think that can only be a good thing.

Just tell her straight up, explain the mechanics of it, how to manage with pads, washing etc and how it’s acceptable to eat a lot of junk and be grumpy

I didn't start my periods until I was 11 but my mum was rubbish and I had to save money for sanitary pads. I have very open and matter of fact conversations about periods with my children (dd8, ds5, ds7 and ds11) It shouldn't be a dirty little secret.

Blimey! My DD knew about mummy’s bloody bottom (her words, not mine) from about 2 or 3! No biggie.
Not sure how (or why!) you’ve hidden it for so long. You really do need to tell her ASAP.

If you find it really awkward how about giving her a book about it? That's what my mum did. She never hid stuff from me and my DSis, but she wasn't overt either and she was pretty rubbish at explaining stuff and quite awkward. Luckily, I was a bookish kid and got all the info I needed that way - and also from Just Seventeen, Mizz, etc. Do they have those teen magazines any more? They were fab.

I HAD to tell my DD a little bit at four as I never get to go to the toilet alone! I just tell her more as she asks the questions. I never had 'the talk' from my parents and my knowledge of a woman's reproductive organs was shocking up until I got pregnant! I definitely want my kids to be more prepared.

How do you make it 'normal and not horrible' if your personal experience has been horrible for the last 30 years?! My DD is 8 and I can't bear to tell her she's in for a lifetime of pain and hormonal ups and downs. I'm really not sure Calprofen is going to cut through the pains she's likely to inherit from me (my mother and grandmother also suffered terribly). Do I just lie? Or say maybe it won't be like this for you? Or do what my mum did to me and omit the pain and suffering information and let her find out for myself? I was always amazed at the breezy 'light exercise and some paracetamol for the mild cramping' crap that accompanied the talks we had in schools.

My DD started at 10. I wasn't expecting this as I was nearly 14 when I started. By the time I started, it was a badge of honour, something I was looking forward to "achieving". But DD was still in primary school and absolutely hated it. We had been talking about periods and puberty since she was about 8. Even so, it was quite traumatic for her for at least 18 months. Once some of her friends started, she relaxed a bit.

I think it is really hard for young girls who start before they are at the age society thinks of as "puberty". I still feel upset for DD when I think about it. Talk to your DD. There are lots of books which are age-appropriate.

Age 3 or 4 - and it is important to tell your sons as well. They need to understand their sisters and friends who are girls.

My daughter is so nearly 9 and unlike her brother shows no interest in such things so recently I just had to tell her. While I don't think she will start for a few years story's of girls starting and thinking they were dying as nobody had told them made me really want to tell her.

Due to contraception I've not had a period in 5 years so she hasn't seen me have a period to be able to naturally bring up this topic

Now.because she will be shocked and scared if it happens and you could have prepared her.x

herethereandeverywhere take her to an acupuncturist if her periods are really bad. I used to vomit and blawck out from the pain ( so did my. Mum) 3 sessions of acupuncture sorted it. Best £75 I ever spent.

OhyesIam I might try that myself! Ibuprofen takes the worst off (so I don't faint or vomit) but it's still very painful for days on end (and on and off for about a week before). with 21 day cycles I get 1 week of normality; the other 2 thirds of my life are punctuated by period related pain and PMT moods.

ohyes I'm interested to hear about the acupuncture. In the 6 months that my 12yr old has had periods she's suffering with pain, v heavy, flooding (to the extent even changing tampons & pads every hour - lessons are 1hr long - she's leaking through and has had to tell a teacher she'd marked a fabric chair ). I know nothing about acupuncture - would it help with that? Is it safe for a 12 year old?

My dd is 5 and I’ve told her in high level terms because she saw some tampons in the drawer. She and her brother also knew how babies were made quite young.

I realised that it was me being a prude when I felt uncomfortable with their questions. actually easier to just use age appropriate terms to answer their questions. They just accept what I tell them. I’m not graphic about it - that can come later when necessary.

My mum wasn’t that open about this sort of thing but I had friends who talked and I read Judy Blume quite young!

@namechangedtoday15 how are her iron levels? I had this problem when anemic but if I take spatone (which children can have) then periods are so so much better!

Best talk before school health education lesson which our school did in year 5. I agree with other posters, I talked about it in age appropriate ways from toddlerhood onwards, then checked back in with them about what questions they had, made sure they read a book that covered it, and bought them each the Lillets introductory pack that has a range of tampons and pads so they could have a look and open them up in their own time. Its not always early though, so make sure and tell them it could be an earlier or a later age, and that thats normal.

My daughters have known from really young 3 ish. In age appropriate answers. And the chat has evolved. They've seen me change pads/tampons in public toilets etc. And have used sanitary towels as nappies on their dollies. It's no big deal.

I've promised myself to always have sanitary products in a basket in the bathroom, never hidden from them or their friends when older for them to take if needed. It stems from me being at a friends house for a sleepover when I was about 11 and taking my period, I couldn't find any in bathroom and was too embarrassed to ask so I used toilet roll as much as I could and soaked through my clothes. We don't hide the toilet roll, so I won't hide the sanny pads

Thank you believeit I'll look into that.