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Parenting

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MIL moved in

883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
Mix56 · 08/03/2018 08:28

I do so hope that you get your baby back today.
Do not not return living with that man. it is unspeakable what they have put you through & you have now seen his real face.
I don't know what your house situation is, but you should not return the same house or anywhere close to his mother.
I expect your MH will improve fast once you are away from this people

MrsDrSpencerReid · 08/03/2018 08:57

Any news from the police?

CiderwithBuda · 08/03/2018 08:58

Hope all goes well today Hanna. It seemed utterly ridiculous that they could just take her and the police let them. I know Dds father was there but still.

TheWitchwithNoName · 08/03/2018 09:08

Thinking of you today Hanna Flowers

soloula · 08/03/2018 09:29

Just read all the thread. What a despicable pair they are. I'm so so sorry to read what you've been going through, Hanna. Stay strong. Thanks Thinking of you today.

geologyrocks · 08/03/2018 09:29

Good luck today x

Hannabee123 · 08/03/2018 09:32

I can't work him out. I can't work out if he's expecting court papers, If he's expecting me to go running back or if he's expecting me to just let them have her.
They must know they can't keep her from me forever

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 08/03/2018 09:46

I think he's expecting you / want you to go running back. Too deluded to see that's not going to happen.

He's a spineless git who should never have let her walk all over you.

Might be that MIL is waking up to the idea that court is likely to aware you custody and you are going to be 2 hours away therefore court is likely to only award them every other weekend. So LO will be out of her reach 6 nights a week.

CiderwithBuda · 08/03/2018 09:47

It is all very odd Hanna, I think his mother is playing a huge part in this.

bastardkitty · 08/03/2018 09:47

I presume you will be looking at supervised contact in a contact centre with the abduction risk highlighted, for this bastard when you get your baby back? Hope it will be very soon x

moita · 08/03/2018 09:48

Not commented before but wishing for a fair and just solution for you and your baby.

AvoidingDM · 08/03/2018 10:18

Do you think playing along with the idea that your going to re turn to him would mean he'd hand her over to you at the unit?

Then you change your mind before you leave the unit.

rainbowruthie · 08/03/2018 13:12

All good wishes for today

BlueEyedBengal · 08/03/2018 14:48

Wishing you all the best and just to say hope things go well for you now, and in the future.

catlady45 · 08/03/2018 15:31

Good luck hanna x

Loyaultemelie · 08/03/2018 15:32

I really hope today is going well for you Thanks

howrudeforme · 08/03/2018 18:59

Hannah at this point, don’t wait to figure him out. Get your baby and then throw full weight of law at him.

He’s in a couple with his Mum. Your family is not him but rather your blood relatives. He’s prioritised HIS blood family for years..... and look what happened.

Jux · 08/03/2018 19:12

Hanna, if I've learnt one thing in my life it is that people like this are not normal and don't think normally. Any energy you use trying to work him out is wasted, totally wasted. There is no sense because according to people like him (and his mum) the world is how THEY make it, everything revolves around them, and reality is exactly how they expect it to be - in that it works in their favour every time. If it doesn't, then it's WRONG and must be forced into obedience.

That's what he's been doing to you, for ages I expect, making you fall into line. I knew a twat who thought when he got married, he would never have to wash up again. His wife had other ideas. She was brutally coerced to fall into line, and spent the bulk of her energy ensuring that all the little inconveniences of life were removed from his path. It went on for years, and this confident, very talented, feisty woman turned into a non-person. If you said hi to her, he'd put himself between her and you so you couldn't have a conversation, so many things. EA all the way. I hope she's got away from by now, but we moved house and I haven't seen either of them for years.

Is this what he's been trying to do to you?

If so, then I can promise that you already spend too much thought on him, and too little on yourself - his fault, he's trained you to be like that. What you could do is tell yourself every time you find your thoughts straying to why he's doing it to just tell yourself "because he's a twat" and force yourself to think about what YOU need in the next 5 minutes, a cuppa, a small piece of chocolate, to read a book for a little while, a bath.......

Good luck tomorrow xx

OutyMcOutface · 08/03/2018 19:45

@Hanna is reply to your last post I think I know what they want. They want to push you over the edge. They are waiting for you to make another attempt or to go a take her yourself so that they can use that against you. Stay strong. Follow the process. And ok everything you do with your solicitor. We are all here for you. I hope you get to see your baby soon Flowers

AvoidingDM · 08/03/2018 20:59

How has today been? Any progress?
I honestly can't stop thinking about you.

howrudeforme · 08/03/2018 23:53

Jux and hard

howrudeforme · 08/03/2018 23:55

Oops I meant so many stories of abuse

ohtheholidays · 09/03/2018 00:48

Just caught up with your thread Hannabee I hope the Police,SS and Womens aid are all moving forward now and helping you and your DD what you've been through is horrendous but your still going and your getting through it all,your obviously alot stronger than you ever gave youself credit for Flowers

AvoidingDM · 09/03/2018 09:52

Hanna really hoping that you've made progress. It's been a horrendous week. Hope you are ok

BlueEyedBengal · 09/03/2018 10:17

I am wishing your day goes well for you and your baby. Be strong, all will be sorted for you very soon and those who have caused you such pain will be punished by the authorities. X

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