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Original poster

MIL moved in

883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
catlady45 · 06/03/2018 14:46

Hi Hanna. Thegy may not have made it clear about if your little girl.would be at meeting, but meeting to discuss the unit is a good thing. As you said previously, they wont let you got to the mother and baby unit without baby so if this is what they are wanting to discuss, it can only be a good thing as it would mean getting your baby back. That is my understanding at least xxx

Jux · 06/03/2018 16:06

Mine too, catlady.

Hannabee, do what you need to do to get your baby back. If that means seeing him to discuss the unit, then do that. If it means visiting and holding her for an hour, or for 10 minutes, that's 10 minutes or an hour when you are with your baby.

The more time you spend with her, the better. I know it might feel worse than not seeing her or holding her at all, and I can 7ncderstand that, but this is where you need to be really really strong. If you refuse it will look bad to the Court, and to others, it won't be favourable to your case.

Horrible, yes. Torturous, maybe. Focus on the time you do get to be with her, hold those bright moments in your mind.

billybagpuss · 06/03/2018 20:02

Hope things moved forward for you today.

catlady45 · 06/03/2018 21:30

How ru op ? Any further forward? X

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 06/03/2018 22:15

Basically he lied and made it seem like we are meeting to see my daughter the crisis team told me he has no intentions of bringing my daughter and saying it's to meet up the two of us. I refused as I don't feel safe and it was not mentioned we were doing anything other than seeing my child. We do not need a meeting to discuss the unit me and every professional are willing it to go ahead he is the one being difficult refusing me seeing her and it's not hard to agree or disagree. He's trying to meet me to manipulate me and playing with my emotions lying to me to say the meetings to see my daughter when it isn't

OP posts:
Jux · 06/03/2018 22:21

He's a vile excuse for a human being.

AvoidingDM · 06/03/2018 22:21

As I said earlier you have to fight on 2 fronts.

Was somebody from the team going to be at the meeting with him? If they were I'd go, could your mum or friend go with you?

Has the solicitor managed to make any progress?

ohfourfoxache · 06/03/2018 22:22

Jesus Hanna this guy is a grade A cunt Angry

So what’s the crisis team’s take on it? Have you told them about the extent of the abuse?

catlady45 · 06/03/2018 22:26

I understand what your saying hanna. Its such a difficult situation. However would talking to him help him see sense, and see that letting baby go with you to mother and baby unit will be benificial for your baby also ? Also when it goes to court he could say he was willing to talk and use it against you, though i do hnderstand your fears about wanting to control and manipulate. I would have someone supervise such discussions to support you and evidence if hes being unreasonable.

What about an emergency court hearing as previous posters have suggested ?

catlady45 · 06/03/2018 22:36

Totally agree though what an arsehole.

AvoidingDM · 06/03/2018 23:34

I wonder if the crisis team / HV / SW could mediate in a meeting. You have to push things forward you can't stay in stalemate for ever.

He needs to get back to his work and more importantly you need to get to the unit while they still have a space for you.

billybagpuss · 07/03/2018 06:58

Why have you not taken previous advise to make absolutely sure you have a family specialist solicitor and arranged an emergency meeting?

kittensinmydinner1 · 07/03/2018 08:06

Hanna - please ask (no, TELL ) your solicitor to make an emergency court application. Today.
If she doesn't know how to do this, then you need to find a new family law specialist. As previous posters have said.

THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO TODAY.

I know it's awful when you feel unwell and going through the level of stress you must be going through. And sometimes feels like it's impossible to know what to do next but this IS the next step.
You shouldn't be battling this on your own. You need an advocate who knows family law backwards - who is 100% on your side. Now is not the time for a wishy-washy 'let's all be reasonable' lawyer. With his behaviour you need a fully paid up Rottweiler to get your baby returned to you by court order - and then to get yourself into the mother and baby unit for some good PND treatment.

AvoidingDM · 07/03/2018 09:42

I'll echo what Kitten has just said.

Hanna I appreciate that your parents are probably paying for the lawyer. But you are the client.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/03/2018 10:28

Wouldn't you have been better agreeing to meet your dh then as you know he didn't have your DD you could have gone round to your mils and taken the baby back as she didn't have PR.

AvoidingDM · 07/03/2018 11:54

What advice has your solicitor given over meeting?

Hanna I'm getting worried about you and the horrendous stress you must be under. How are you doing?

Roseandlily · 07/03/2018 14:56

Is everything ok? Been thinking about you non stop

catlady45 · 07/03/2018 20:27

Any news hanna? I hope you've had a better day x

AvoidingDM · 07/03/2018 21:52

Hanna really worried about you. Hope you are ok. xx

catlady45 · 07/03/2018 22:15

I hope the fact shes not been updating means she has her baby and is in the unit x

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 07/03/2018 22:17

No unit no baby solicitors are doing an emergency court order should be soon seeing her again tomorrow morning. Just with the police reporting then his mother's gonna be arrested

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 07/03/2018 22:29

Hang on in there Hanna. The court order sounds like a hopeful step. Every second brings you closer to your baby.

I didn’t understand what you were saying about the police and a potential arrest though.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 07/03/2018 22:30

Rooting for you op.
Stay strong. Flowers

AvoidingDM · 07/03/2018 22:31

Brilliant just to get an update from you. I'm worried about you and the torture this must be.

My LO was 16 weeks before I even left him for a few hours.

Seeing who in the morning solicitor or baby?

Who got the police back involved?

Withhindsight · 07/03/2018 22:32

Hanna so glad you are getting support and they are moving things on for you, hang in there, wishing you all good things and that you can be with your baby asap