"How to talk so kdis will listenand listen so kids will talk" - anyone want to go trhough this book?

[Porcupine]

and see hwat we think of it?

Its wuite heavy reading( not intellectually) just very close set type and lots of americna egs
But i reckon we cna do it.

So about what age does the child realise that they are being patronised????

and fully understands that you think they are fugly but the dress is nice?

omg listen to the conlcuding paragraph

cnat decide if tis good or vom

"these moments when his best was affirmed, become life long touchstones to which a child can return in moments of doubt orr discouragement. IN the past he did somethign he was proud of and he has it wihtin himself ot be able to do it again"

( for a freaky serious moment htese kind of comments meant the world to some of the kids i used ot teach who were never praise dat home fo eomthign whin them)

ok have decided
i think thats lovely

Yes is quite nice, she typed grudgingly. Though hope he can make the connection, between 'the garden path is clear of snow, I can see the gravel' and 'Well done Mikey. You did that. Thankyou'.
Not sure why chose clearing snow off the path as example, poss to do with general american tone of chores. Am slightly concerned that this praise technique might not be clear enough. What if Mikey never has that special moment because nobody said, thank you well done, but they just droned on and on and about seeing the gravel instead?

needs testing this.

where the snow bit?
what page/

All of my own. I could write this book now.

oh my god
this is turning itno a episdoe of " happy days" or that thign wiht kevin "the wonder eyars"

am going ot eat tea and read faqs abtou praise

am still lurking, have read 3 chapters adn tried a few things, with some success (and to DH's amazement) but no luck this morning, DT2 (3.5) did not want to go to nursery 'nursery makes you sad' 'no nursery makes me very very angry, I hate nursery, why must you make me go there' kick, scream, scratch thinks...oh I know - 'so you're angry' 'yes I'm angry i said I'm angry why don't you listen to me silly mummy' - is that how its meant to go

Hmmm
This thread is wonderful, so insightful, funny and eloquent. You have all made me so happy reading this. A MN classic.

I like the red dress by the way.

DS came and showed me how he had "made myself all sparkly mummy"

I turned round and found him in front of me covered in glittery eye shaddow with no less than five hair clips in his hair and a pink pashmina wrapped around himself.

DS "what do you think? I'm all sparkly and I did your makeup by myself!!"

Now he obviously wanted some praise...I'm guessing the correct response to this would have been "wow DS, you've got the SMARTS!!"

What actually happened was I hmmmed and aaahhhed and admired how well he'd clipped the hair out of his eyes.... (and making a mental note to put all makeup and hair clips out of reach in future...)

OK my suggestions for the egs

"You only at a slither of cake even thoguh you really love it htat takes----"

( harsh imo)(yep agree harsh, why comment on this??) possible options: courage, effort, willpower?...not liking this one though...

" you stood up for your freinds even though the other kids teased him that takes _--"

guts, loyalty, streangth, courage, maturity??

The whole American slant is a bit cringeworthy really, can't I just praise by saying
"That was really (kind, sweet, thoughtful) of you to do .........."

or "thank you for being so (thoughtful, helpful, kind, caring) whan you did......."

??

I've been loving this thread. Read the book a couple of years ago, but must dig it out again.

I tried the 'say what you see' thing this evening, with limited success:

JackieNo: I can see two plates and two magazines on the floor

DD: Yeah? And?

JackieNo: And wouldn't it be lovely if SOMEONE WENT AND PICKED THEM UP?

JackieNo glowers at DD, then we both laugh. DS goes and picks up the magazines. I give up and tidy the plates.

lol climbingwalls, so happy you're back.
From what I understand we're not allowed to say 'that was nice/clever/thoughtful' we have to describe. It's quite odd and disturbing. So for instance, so far tonight:
'Wow DS1 the bath tub is full of water, and you even turned the taps off. You're in the bath reading a book, and you brought your towel down from your bedroom yourself.'
DS1 'Duh'

Oh. Just realized I didn't sum it up in one word. Was too disorientated by the describing I think. What might I have said - independent? thoughtful? Or You've got the bath smarts ds1.
Defnitely that.

Yep, you should have said "you've got the bath smarts ds!"

At this rate if we keep this weird talk up our kids (we're American now right?!) will be so phased and shocked by our strange new way of talking they won't say anything in reply (and we'll get some peace from the endless chatter!)

Sadly the shock effect has started to wear off at 100 house already. Am having to work harder already. I find it quite difficult to hold it all in my head though, so lots of pausing while I fast forward through possible list: uhuh, fantasy, state the problem, describe the praise, time for the shopping trolley etc etc.
Have great accent though. Thoroughly Californian with a hint of Texas. What's yours?

so we're praising by describing what they have done? Is that right?

I can understand this for things like drawings they do, but what about when they (finally) do something that they have been asked to do? Is it ok to say "thank you DS for doing ....." etc.? Or is that out now?

This is getting hard!

Coursework (we didn't used to have this did we? Must have moved up a module).

You only ate a slither of the cake even though you loved it. That takes FOOLISH SELF HATING DENIAL TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. Well done daughter.

You stood up to those boys who were teasing your friend. That took bravery, or possibly you're a bad judge of character and you totally misread the situation?

Deep south with some Texan thrown in for good measure!

I'm so glad this thread is back up. Keep the inspired lunacy coming.

(By the way, if Dinosaur's still reading, DS2, also nearly 6, told me I could home educate him rather than send him to school.)

You deserve an A* for your coursework!!

oi 100 theres a place near dhs parents called hundredhouse

ok the thieng iwhtthe plates goes liek this

1. i can see plates on the floor( describe)

2. plates on the floor may casue an accdident

oh god have forgottne 3

goes off to find book