School run hell with 4 and 2 year old

[Cloud9889]

I'm really struggling with th school run. My DS1 is in reception and it's not usually him that is the problem it is DS2 who is 2. He kicks and screams blue murder if he is put in the pray (even with chocolate !!) so he usually goes on his micro scooter. The thing is he takes so long, often just stops and won't move for no reason and screams when you try to move him so I'm often left taking about 30 mins to do the school run which is 1/3rd of a mile and feeling embarrassed when I see other parents just strolling by with their kids not making a fuss. My friend has an almost 3 year old (My DS2 is 2 next month) and he just sits in the pram and doesn't make a fuss - she seems fairly smug. Grrrr - I am a good mum but I find myself really stressed out by the end of the school run (getting DS2 home from school can be hard too as he wants t hang around (e.g. Trash the classrooom). Both my boys have Been such hard work despite my reading, going to classes and groups and generally trying my best. I just don't know why it has to be so hard :( I work two days a week and that is probably the only thing keeping m slightly sane as I get 2 days in a nice office away from screaming kids . Does anyone have any tips for the school run? It's just all getting a bit too much and this morning I proper lost it and yelled at DS2 as he just would not stop crying and winging and don't feel good about myself for that.

Anna doesn’t it have a five point harness with a strap between her legs? Straps should be tight enough so that she can't ever squeeze out of them.

Apologies I don’t mean to sound critical, it just sounds a bit risky. I have a silver cross buggy and a child who was a runner, he couldn’t ever have got out.

My ds would kind of expel all the air out of chest, lean to one side and wiggle a few fingers through the gap and once he had one wrist through it was mere seconds before he was completely free.

If I had strapped him in so tight that he couldn't get out he also wouldn't be able to breathe.

I had to give up on the pram but we only lived minutes away for school, thank god.

Anna Houdini might have another technique but I wouldn't assume user error.

She gets her arms out in seconds, throws herself sideways, forward over the bar etc. She can't get out as such but gets herself out enough for it to be dangerous. I'm happy for her to walk, happy for the pushchair to come, happy to lug along the scooter as well, even to carry her whilst also carrying everything else- if neccessary- it's the insane refusal for all of the above that grinds me down!

I have this problem with my 2 year old. She will no longer go in the buggy, is a danger to herself and everyone else on the scooter but won't walk the whole way either so i end up carrying her and all of my son's stuff for school. I have started having to drive part of the way to school so 2 year old can walk or be carried. It's embarrassing as on my own I can walk to school in 10 mins, but with my 2 year old faffing each way takes an hour. I'm always envious of the mum's whose kids sit in the pushchair or walk at a reasonable speed. You are not alone!

Mine could escape a 5 point harness.

So basically Cloud9889 (I also work part time in civilized office where nobody screams at me randomly for no reason!) we have the same life so whatever happens- you aren't alone! As they say- someday soon this too shall pass

Could you put him in a baby carrier? What about one of those tricycle things that have a handle that you can push? Would it be quicker if he walked? Or maybe just hold him the whole way?

My tips

1. Assume it's going to take 3 or 4 times longer than if you walked it alone and leave home early. If you get into the mindset of how long it should take then you're setting everyone up for failure.
2. I would force ds2 in buggy and take scooter for the way back if he's good.
3. Ignore ds2's whinging. Sometimes younger kids whinge for attention or to distract you from older siblings) There are going to be arseholes who approach you with stupid comments like "It looks like somebody is Mr Cranky today." because they think their wonderful presence will cheer him (and you) up but ignore and don't engage. It's not worth prison.
4. When ds2 stops whinging however momentarily, engage with him. You want him to learn that being human brings attention.

Yep the sucking in stomach trick means they can escape any 5 point harness. Parents whose DC have not discovered this are merely lucky and I count myself as lucky because DS never did!

Honestly a tight harness is not going to deter a determined escapee. Pushchair harnesses aren't designed to be deathly tight like car seats anyway. That's why they don't adjust as much. Some kids just force the issue while others don't - you need different parenting tactics for them, not a new buggy.

I have zero tolerance on this and strap the two year old into the buggy however much he screams. He has resigned himself to his fate now, so we probably look serene to others. He only starts kicking and screaming when we go past somewhere where he is usually allowed out (eg the park), so it is definitely a case of getting used to being restricted to the pushchair.

When you are not in quite such a hurry, a game of 'dinosaurs chasing mummy' gets my kids moving a bit faster

Mine were pushchair escapees so I used to double harness them. First put normal harness on then put the rein harness over the top. Impossible to get out!!!!

This sounds exactly like my school run up until Xmas time. My DS refused the pushchair and was just awful, since Xmas he's mellowed and chooses to go in the pushchair. It's not because of anything I've done, he could be opting to go in a space rocket for all he cares it just happens to be the pushchair he's choosing at the minute. Coincidentally, this is making my life easier.

OP what about one of those little tike trikes? A lot of them are just like pushchairs, with a harness, side bars and a cushion to sit on. He'll still be able to try and escape but you've got more chance of him willingly going on it than in the pushchair. This is my next option, and it'll be easier once the weather gets warmer too. I'd also put either reins on him or one of those little back packs just incase he gets off and tries to run. You could add them as part of 'going on the bike'.

It's the same for most of us, it's hard work.

Agree with the smart trike / little tike trike idea - my DD1 hated the pushchair but loved the trike. Also possibly a hipseat although that may not be an option. Definitely worth trying to pull the scooter as well. You can get microscooters that they sit down on although they are expensive and I’m not sure if he is a little old for them now.

PP are right, if you think about how long it ‘should’ be taking, that only leads to despair.

Many parents on the school run will be sympathising. I remember those days well .

I don’t know if driving is an option but for my own sanity (and other people’s safety!) I started driving half way most of the time.

I could never strap mine in and let them scream, it stressed me out too much. With my buggy refuser I used one of those trike things you push along and the scooter pulled along by me.
For journeys home (not the way there) I tend to save their sweet treat for the day to jolly everyone home. It also helps to make it fun, sing songs and have pretend races to particular landmarks (that bin, that lamppost etc) it’s tiresome though op I know.

A trike with a steering handle (and a harness) might be easier to manoeuvre than the scooter. Bring some fruit or a small sandwich as a snack if he gets hungry. 30 minutes each way seems a long distance for a child who is not quite 2 yet so it might be making him tired hence the stopping and starting. Keep the chocolate as a reward for being good on school run AND eating his dinner nicely when you get home. Don't feel bad about finding aspects of parenting hard, everyone has their own challenges and no one is really taking much notice of how other parents are dealing with their own children. Start next week fresh.

Oh I feel for you all pussyfooting around your toddlers! How the heck are you going to manage a teen strop if you all keep giving in to these whims of your 2 year olds? Talk about make a rod for your own backs!

Take a snack, take a treat, take a trike, take a scooter? For goodness sake it's a 30 minute walk each way! Not a hike across the dales! Put your child in the buggy, double strapped if quadruple strapped, tell them to shut up or no treats for a week and just push the damn buggy to and from school, screaming or not! In fact I would get on the ground and start throwing a tantrum myself and that, I can assure you will shut them up instantly!

I wonder if the 2 yr old Syrian children fleeing for their lives and walking long long distances would behave in such a way?....mmmh! Don't think so !

I personally would go for the wrestle him into the pram and let him scream for the 10 min or so journey there. This is what I had to do with my dd and the car to get her to nursery 20 mins away. It lasted a couple of weeks before she realised her nursery run would be happening 5 days a week and to just give in!

Calm down Sostenueto. We get it, you’re an amazing parent and anybody that has ever found a two year old stressful and tried different things to make life easier is, in fact, a big failure

Woah Sostenueto give Cloud9889 a break. She's having a hard time and asked for some advice and support, not a lashing to make her feel worse.

If it helps, on our way to school you can hear parents yelling the same thing at their various kids through every front door! Usually 'shoes!' or 'come ON' - school run shenanigans are pretty universal. My dd2 was just like your DS when little and I just pushed her to school screaming (her) and then let her dawdle to her heart's desire on the way home.

Lol. Of course toddlers fleeing war zones are still toddlers, FFS, they don't have any understanding of urgency or danger at that age.

I imagine their parents carry them. It would be faster, after all.

You know, there's one theory that if you show empathy towards your children during their toddler years and beyond, they don't rebel quite so hard as teenagers. And since teenagers are quite capable of walking out and doing what the hell they like whether their parents approve or throw a tantrum or not, it's a game some people are willing to try!

Alternatively there are just several ways to skin a cat aka get a toddler to cooperate on the school run, and not everything has to be a huge battle.

You shove them in the pushchair, do up the 5 point harness so they can't escape and give them a packet of raisins.

Ignore the screaming.

I'm not smug but I'm a working parent and I simply didn't have time to indulge 2 year old scooter fancies.

No I wasn't a perfect parent, but a single working g parent with 2 babes 10 months apart and I had to work for a living with no family apart from my two children so totally on my own and had no time for all that messing about.

There is a difference in showing empathy to being downright indulgent towards your kids. My kids normal teens lazy, stroppy, opinionated, selfish but they knew who was boss! My house, my rules. Sometimes you have to be firm. Stop moddlecoddling children so much. For a wonder there's so much anxiety nowadays! I'm not being harsh just with the example trying to put things in perspective. We really do not know what a hard life us nowadays. Just bear that in mind sometimes. You have to do the school run for a long while. So start as you mean to go on or you just make your lives a running battle if you have to spend an hour trying to reason with a 2 yr old who are the most unreasonable little people everytime you want them to do something!