School run hell with 4 and 2 year old

[Cloud9889]

I'm really struggling with th school run. My DS1 is in reception and it's not usually him that is the problem it is DS2 who is 2. He kicks and screams blue murder if he is put in the pray (even with chocolate !!) so he usually goes on his micro scooter. The thing is he takes so long, often just stops and won't move for no reason and screams when you try to move him so I'm often left taking about 30 mins to do the school run which is 1/3rd of a mile and feeling embarrassed when I see other parents just strolling by with their kids not making a fuss. My friend has an almost 3 year old (My DS2 is 2 next month) and he just sits in the pram and doesn't make a fuss - she seems fairly smug. Grrrr - I am a good mum but I find myself really stressed out by the end of the school run (getting DS2 home from school can be hard too as he wants t hang around (e.g. Trash the classrooom). Both my boys have Been such hard work despite my reading, going to classes and groups and generally trying my best. I just don't know why it has to be so hard :( I work two days a week and that is probably the only thing keeping m slightly sane as I get 2 days in a nice office away from screaming kids . Does anyone have any tips for the school run? It's just all getting a bit too much and this morning I proper lost it and yelled at DS2 as he just would not stop crying and winging and don't feel good about myself for that.

I'd just strap him in pushchair and let him scream too. Pop the him in the pram and chat to your ds1, completely ignore your ds2 when he screams. He'll soon stop.

Also, don't give him chocolate, that's rewarding bad behavior. I presume your eldest doesn't get chocolate in the morning so it's really not fair to give it to his sibling as his acting up, otherwise ds1 will copy the behaviour.

You let him go in and trash the classroom? blimey, they must love you. Who do you think then has to spend 15 minutes clearing up after your child? Act like a parent. Put him in the buggy and keep him in it .By all means let him scoot home or take him to the park on the way back but please don't let him scoot around the playground as someone suggested, have some consideration for other people and their ankles.

My dc2 was similar, but would refuse to leave the house in the first place! I found making a game of the journey helped, like let's walk giant steps. For a few months I had to pretend to be Wonderwoman whilst he was some other superhero and we had mock battles the entire way (25 mins)... got a few looks as I recall!

Why are you allowing a (not even) 2yo to dictate the school run? Put him in the pram - he doesn't get a choice, he'll soon get used to it.

Agree with pp. Strap him in the pram and get on with it.

I had an issue with my 3 year old dawdling on the way to and from preschool. Eventually I realised that everytime he stopped he got lots of attention 'come on DS...hurry up DS we're going to be late....come on DS' whereas when he was going normally he didn't get as much attention.
So for several very very tedious preschool runs I completely ignored him every time he stopped and gave him lots of praise every time he started again. After a while he stopped dawdling and now it's much easier.

I realise the ignoring approach would be tricky with an older one to get to school - unless you leave really really early maybe?? Or get someone else to come with you for a few days to take the older one on if younger one is dawdling - bet younger one would speed up if they saw older one disappearing off...
Good luck!

I just did a double take as this post is exactly like my school run at the moment! What should be a 20 min round trip takes us an hour. The other day took the biscuit as DD refused to go in pushchair (standard) but also refused to walk or go on scooter and didn't want to be carried. But also said she wanted to walk. Without walking etc. It was horrendous, she threw herself on the floor in a fit of tantrum at 4 different points of the journey, my jaw was clenched, trying not to cry and I pretty much wanted to throw myself on the floor (or in front of a moving car) by the end of the whole thing. All the while other children walk nicely past us, or sit contentedly in their pushchair, waving regally as they sail past us and back the other way while we're in a sweaty cross mess.

Oh, in response to "strap them in a pushchair". I try. She climbs out- dangerously. If I could, I blimmin' well would.

My DD now 4 went through a phase around that age of buggy refusal. We live in London and had to take her to nursery in it, we ended up buying this thing called the Houdini Stop that prevented her from wriggling out of the buggy. Felt like the worst person in the world for a while but she improved. Now she loves the buggy and always wants to evict her baby brother so she can sit in it

I would also strap in the pushchair and go. You can get reins that you can clip onto the loops on the pushchair. Dd liked that better because she could sit bolt upright Safely and wasn’t held back into the seat if that makes sense. That might work for you anna

waving regally as they sail past us

Annamadrigal

Anna your two year old can unclip the harness in the buggy? I’d buy a better buggy, yours sounds unsafe.

OP I agree with others posters. Strap him in and let him scream. It’s difficult but two year olds don’t get to be in charge. He’ll get used to it eventually.

I think you have to go with whatever is least stressful for you and least likely to make you late. I'd strap him in the pram, the scooter sounds a nightmare.

I'm intrigued by the trashing of a classroom though - how on earth does that work?! Doesn't the teacher just boot them all out when the parents arrive?! What's she/he doing as they rampage around the classroom?!

I had a McLaren techno that my less than 2yo could get out of so it's not that usual.

Unusual.

I've got the same age gap and it's the most stressful part of my day. I often end up shouting. Not much advice, just wanted to say you're not the only one.

Its stressful because you are allowing it to be stressful and allowing a 2 yr old to dictate the rules. Strap 2 yr old in buggy ignore when shouting and screaming. Tell the 2yr old if he continues he won't have his scooter for the whole day and stick to your threat! Just why do parents nowadays let such tiny babes rule the roost ? I don't believe in smacking but I would take away things they like in order for them to realise who is boss!

Probably mostly echoing others, but this is what I would do:

Strap him in buggy for journey to school. Look him in the eye and say gently "I know you don't want to be in the buggy, but we need to be quick. You can ride your scooter on the way home." Yes, he'll kick off but at least you've shown empathy whilst still keeping to a necessary restriction.

Ignore the screaming all the way to school - believe me, I know how incredibly angry it can make you feel, but you're doing the right thing, so take deep breaths. The more you practise calmness whilst they are going mental, the easier it becomes.

Let him scoot home as promised, that way he will get better and faster.

Do not offer bribes of food or technology. You need to get your child to learn to behave when you are making a reasonable request, because they understand the importance of that request, and because they want to please you. Not because they think they will get chocolate or screen time.

Ignore other parents looking serene - if you happen to be on my school run, I can assure you that I am a swan (calm on surface, flapping madly underneath). Also, some kids are more headstrong than others - not necessarily a bad thing once they get a bit older and can channel their determination appropriately.

I remember weeks of “what time is it mr wolf” to get mine to move and we had a 2 mile walk. I think though, if it’s really affecting you (and if he’s refusing to leave the classroom) then team up with another parent/teacher who can take your eldest in? Also maybe just grit your teeth and pop
him in the pram on those days when you just don’t have the time/patience for an extra long walk and let him walk on the way back. Who cares what others think.

Buggy board? Then just threaten the pram if he won’t go on it. Yes you are just pushing an empty pram for the sake of it but ah well

It's a silver cross buggy- she can certainly lift her legs up and out of straps etc then limb by limb she extracts herself! I haven't a problem with firm words and reasoning, sadly DD is less convinced...

Strap him in the pram and ignore.

Oh gosh, just reading this brings me out in cold sweat. I have a half hour walk each way with 3 and I feel your pain. It's uphill. It also goes through some bumpy woodland with a narrow path and is a total pain in the arse. Thankfully don't have to do it every day as I sometimes have access to the car.

6 year old walks. Nearly 2 year old and 3 year old go in buggy, although 3 year old sometimes walks wanders off if we've not running late (so rarely!). There are a couple of small hills and bumps that the pushchair just won't go up and I have to get them out and drag the pushchair up behind me. Then get them back in screaming blue murder. ARGH! We do have snacks on the journey when it's warm enough to manage without mittens on. Once it was an exhausting 2 and half hour round trip and I arrived home at 10.45 a shaky horrible mess! I can do a fast walk by myself and get there in under 20mins, it's just the double buggy on the hill and the in out business that makes it hell.

I live for the car days.