How did you spend your second maternity leave?

[auberginesandcourgettes]

I'm on my second mat leave with DD (15 weeks). DS is 3.4.

Two days a week I have both of them together, so we go somewhere in the morning (soft play, library etc). In the afternoon, we are generally at home and I don't plan to get much more done than a load of laundry and a simple dinner.

The other three days DS Is at nursery so it's just me and DD. I loved my first maternity leave with DS and was always out at groups or meeting friends, and I wanted to have a similar experience this time around. So I have been going to the cinema and to a Buggyfit class, but my day ends up feeling packed as I also need to get some housework done and then pick up DS at 4pm and make dinner. I feel a bit guilty for DD sometimes as she is growing up so quickly. At the same time, I do need to get out of the house! I'm not sure what the balance should be, how did you spend your second/third mat leave?

Interested to read responses here.
I have Ds who is 3.5 and have dd who is two weeks old tomorrow.
With Ds we did one or two groups a week, saw a friend once a week, one day we just stayed in, one day would go somewhere like soft play or parks/walks in country. We'd have lazy mornings and go out lunchtime/in the afternoon.
This time Ds is in preschool 5 mornings a week so I need to get up and out first thing but can't go far as need to be back to pick him up 2.5 hours later. I may use this time to nap. Then afternoons out somewhere? Housework never when?..

Also on second mat leave. DD is 2.6 and DS 11 weeks. DD in nursery three days a week so I have them both two days. I have a good group of mum friends who are on the second child too so I arrange a lot of playdates. Otherwise with both there's a good toddler baby group I can go to, free Bookbug session at our library and there's always the park! As DD is still quite young though I find our options are limited - don't feel comfortable doing soft play as she likes one of us to be with her and things like swimming are out too.

Plus money is an issue. This time around I'm on a lesser salary (as returned to work 4 days a week) and there's also nursery costs. Mindful of it being even more challenging when I go back to work as DS will also be at nursery!

Feel a bit bad as DD went to several baby classes but we can't afford them this time round (apart from Waterbabies which my parents are funding). Just need to find ways to be creative!

My eldest was 17mths when the youngest was born, and we didn't do any nursery etc.

The youngest did what the eldest did 😅 We went to a music class (youngest sleep initially, then lay on the floor and watched, then joined in). We went to a playgroup. We went to the library, parks, soft play etc.

Even now (at 4 and 2.8), the eldest is only in preschool 2 mornings and I'm still home full time. Our standards are the library, a class ever couple of weeks (cooking, messy play etc), soft play (lots have pre school mornings which are only a couple of pounds), hooking up with friends, the park, garden centre (lots have reward clubs you can join - our local ones are £10 for the year which gives free coffee a couple of times each month and a 10% discount on stuff. Great for Christmas cards etc).

I do housework/cooking in chunks - lunchtinevwhile they both play in their room, evening while husband reads a story, or during a couple of episodes of Paw Patrol.

Second babies don't really need any organised activity/stimulation, sibilants provide it all 🙂

I feel the same PercyPigs - I did baby classes with DS but can't afford most of them this time as they are about £12/session for things like baby massage and yoga. This is why I feel guilty I think, as I theoretically have 3 days per week for 1:1 time with DD, but I am essentially doing cinema and exercise for myself and then running around doing housework . When she gets older, there are more options for activities which should be more affordable. Hopefully your DD will get 30 free hours childcare when you go back to work? This is amazing for us as we are paying peanuts for DS to be at nursery this year.

The other thing I have found is that while I still have all my friends from the first mat leave, they have mostly all already had their second child and are back at work. We can plan the odd playdate, but they have busier lives than me and all the kids are at preschool/nursery now anyway. I do wish I had a bit more adult conversation some weeks.

Still on mat leave 2 DSs 3 and 10 months - I think whilst your baby is still so young you are fine to focus on stimulating activities for you. They just want to be with you so just relax and enjoy. When the baby gets a bit older I find it eases the guilt to do one or two things a week cheap/free activity a day that is baby focussed (rather than pre-school tag along) see the ducks, children’s centre, playgroup, the swings, swimming at the local pool, free trials of baby classes etc

Are there any cheaper toddler groups around? IME there’s usually a baby area in one corner of the room. I think you need to make an effort to meet mums with new babies (rather than relying on your friends from when DS was a baby, as you say they’re all back at work anyway). You could contact the NCT to find out about events and groups (as well as the more typical antenatal classes). Or a local children’s centre or similar.

Babies don’t need massage and yoga when they are so young. I’m on my third mat leave and baby is just tagging along with me in whatever I want to do/need to do. When he’s nearer 9/10
Months I’ll take him to a few groups but really, they are going to be at nursery soon enough. Also, don’t underestimate how stimulating older siblings are