SAHPs who send toddler to nursery when new baby comes along, is this a thing?

[HapsburgUrchin]

We've moved to quite a Naice area recently, and I've been surprised to find several families - where the mum is at home - who send their 1 or 2 year olds off to full time nursery, so the mums are effectively one to one with the new baby all day. Has anyone else heard of people who do this?

These people have a fair bit of money to splash around, so I realise most people couldn't afford to do this on a single income, but I'm not sure I'd want to even if I could?

I know looking after a toddler and baby is difficult, but despite the challenges, surely you want them to actually spend time together, and grow up together?

Initially I just thought it was a one off find, until I found several other families doing it, so I became intrigued... Is this more normal in circles where people are well off?

Full time nursery for the eldest would surprise me too. I work usually but loved going on adventures all over the city with them, or cooking at home while my eldest made stupid faces at the baby (/ occasionally hit him, they are no saints), but that said, I did love it when he was eligible for the 15 hours free, it was great to be able to have one on one time with the baby as he got more into the world, and then not feel guilty about giving less attention to the baby and doing more complicated stuff with dc1.

My mum and her friends are still sniffy about it, but I have her old diaries and have seen (1) how much more she and her friends were in and out of each others houses and looked after each others kids, it wasn't one woman alone with 2+ tinies from 7am to 7pm and (2) how stressed out she was by continually having to shove at least one of the three of us in a playpen to ensure she could get anything done...

@Runningoutofusernames
What age did your eldest start nursery?

Its good for them to go to nursery. Lots of social skills cant be taught when at home. It also allows the mum to spend one on one time with the baby, particularly important when establishing breastfeeding.

Sure you can just bring the baby on all the toddler friendly activities but you cant give the attention you need to either aged child. You end up doing badly at both jobs. I would so do this.

As it was ds1 was 3.5yo when ds2 was born so stayed in his 4 day a week nursery routine hed had when i worked. I dropped him off later and picked him up earlier.

I have to laugh at your "spending time together" comment. With a newborn and a toddler much of our time together involving me cluster feeding baby with a jealous toddler desperately trying to sit up on my lap and cuddle me.

If I'd the money I wouldn't have put her in full time care but a few hours playing with her peers would be better than sticking on the telly which is what I resorted to.

I've just found out I'm expecting DC2. DD will be 22 months when new baby arrives and I plan on sending DD to nursery. Maybe not full time though, I haven't decided yet. I haven't been back at work between babies and I won't be going back to work after DC2 either. I'm not lazy, I just don't have any support from anyone, including DP and DD is a terrible sleeper!

Also I am just outside of NYC and the cheaper childcare options don't have PT options but work out better for a family than going to somewhere more expensive that allows PT hours. A lot of doctors don't allow children in the waiting area. I know for my scans no children were allowed and a few times I waited outside with the police officer and other patients DC so they could go in and get their scan.

Personally I think it's great if a SAHP can afford childcare that enables them to be the best parent for their DC. It's not for anyone else to judge. You have no idea what is going on in their lives. They might have PND or have no family close by so nursery gives them a much needed break.

My friends who are SAHPs who are wealthy have nannies who are FT to help them. If I stopped working I would still have a lot of help and would probably switch to a FT nanny with hours over weekends and after school. DH travels an insane amount and I have no help. Weekends can be really tough because I don't get enough 1-1 time with each child. I have a third child who is a Velcro baby.

From the age of 2 I think its important and good for kids to be in a part time nursery or childminder setting especially if mum is knackered with a newborn.

Seems completely normal to me and is what I did.

My days looking after a 2 yr old and a newborn were generally hideous and filled with tears from all involved...I needed a break!!

Being a SAHP is still relatively uncommon. Being a SAHP and paying £12k a year for nursery must be vanishingly rare.

I'm a SAHM and ds was 19 months when dd was born. I had them both together for 6 months then ds went to pre school for 2 mornings a week when he turned two. It cost us around £20 a week for the year until the funded hours started so not too expensive and he really enjoys it. Dd started when she turned 2 (they now go together )as well.

Yes, when i was a sahm i did this - one full day per week, cost about £220 pcm. I have no problem with it - it was good for my child while i had a new born baby and good for me. we have family at the opposite end of the country to us and I felt that at least i could maybe get a couple of hours a week of cleaning done or some shopping without a toddler and get some quiet time with the tiny one.

If i had family to drop the children at for even 45 minutes to do some grocery shopping child free, that would have been amazingly helpful but we don't have family and we end up paying for the convenience that others get from even an hour of grandparents having the children.

being a sahp is very common round here, one person earning the big bucks and the other not earning enough to not cover two sets of nursery fees.