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Original poster

SAHPs who send toddler to nursery when new baby comes along, is this a thing?

87 replies

HapsburgUrchin · 31/12/2017 18:37

We've moved to quite a Naice area recently, and I've been surprised to find several families - where the mum is at home - who send their 1 or 2 year olds off to full time nursery, so the mums are effectively one to one with the new baby all day. Has anyone else heard of people who do this?

These people have a fair bit of money to splash around, so I realise most people couldn't afford to do this on a single income, but I'm not sure I'd want to even if I could?

I know looking after a toddler and baby is difficult, but despite the challenges, surely you want them to actually spend time together, and grow up together?

Initially I just thought it was a one off find, until I found several other families doing it, so I became intrigued... Is this more normal in circles where people are well off?

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Lovenluck · 31/12/2017 19:05

I put my DD into Nursery / pre-school when she was about 2y9m, just before DD2 arrived. She did 5 mornings with a couple of afternoons too because the pre-school liked all children to attend at least every morning. I am / was a SAHP.

Yes partly it was to give me some breathing space to prepare for the new baby and to have time with her once she was born but it was more for DD1’s benefit tbh. She needed the stimulation, socialising, exercise etc etc and I knew I had a lot of days stuck feeding on a sofa ahead of me when she would be bored silly at home! It was great knowing that she had at least been out at Nursery and had some fun and run around if we were then stuck in our flat all afternoon with a grizzly baby or bad weather (winter baby). It worked for me and I’m putting DD2 into pre-school at 2y3m for similar reasons - although DC3 isn’t due until the summer.

lucy101101 · 31/12/2017 19:06

I am more or less a SAHM who didn't go back to work (well at least not full time) and my oldest went to nursery 4-5 mornings a week during term times because he enjoyed it and I felt he would get more out of that than he would just hanging out with (an exhausted) me and the new baby.

restbiterepeat · 31/12/2017 19:06

Ds2 came along less than two years after ds1. Ds1 went to nursery two mornings a week. He enjoyed it and it made my life a little easier because I could nap with ds2.

Trying to feel guilty ... No...nothing there, sorry.

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Winifredgoose10 · 31/12/2017 19:06

I know lots of families who do this for two or three mornings a week, or one or two days. Most just reduce the time at nursery/childminder the child previously had. It makes sense, as saves the space, provides continuity and gives mother time with new baby/a break. Obviously not everyone can afford to do this, as everyone can't afford a cleaner. Are you sure that the families send their children 5 days a week, all day. I have never heard of this.

Skynight · 31/12/2017 19:06

It just so happens they are at the age for nursery/pre school anyway.

trilbydoll · 31/12/2017 19:07

I've got a 2y age gap and dd1 did 2 days at nursery. The other 3 days were sometimes awful, sometimes boring, sometimes brilliant and more often than not just okay. I'm glad I had them now dd1 is at school but I suspect that's partly because she was a fairly easy toddler and dd2 was a fairly easy baby. Chuck in a reflux baby or a constantly tantrumming toddler and I don't think I would have good memories!

Original poster

HapsburgUrchin · 31/12/2017 19:08

I'm not taking about sending a three year old to their free 3 hours a day at nursery.

I'm talking about sending 1 or 2 year olds to full time nursery 9 til 6 every day.

But perhaps it's SAHPs who never go back to work who are the real rarity these days, as everyone immediately assumed otherwise.

OP posts:

Winifredgoose10 · 31/12/2017 19:11

Not all sky night. I know families who have sent their one year old.

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/12/2017 19:11

Do you really know several families who do this? Who all do 9 to 6 for 5 days?

Skynight · 31/12/2017 19:12

I think 9-6 everyday is to much for any child but 15hr for a 2 or 3 yo is fine.

RB68 · 31/12/2017 19:13

Nursery is also for the benefit of children in terms of getting them used to a learning environment, experiencing things they may not at home, socialising them and so on so if they can its not a bad thing to be honest

Chienrouge · 31/12/2017 19:14

I’m a SAHM and have been since DD1 was born. 20 month age gap between DD1 and DD2. I had no childcare for DD1 when no 2 was born but I bloody wish I had! I was exhausted. I wouldn’t have done full time nursery but a couple of days would have been amazing.

RatRolyPoly · 31/12/2017 19:16

I'm one of those who does this but who went back to work in between, but even if I hadn't I totally would have done this if I could! Aside from anything else it isn't much fun for a toddler being stuck indoors with a cluster-feeding, growth-spurting baby just like it isn't any fun for a baby having to cry wait until mum's finished keeping the toddler alive and entertained to have its needs met. Just "being together" at that age doesn't mean an awful lot imo.

I'm not saying it's preferable, not for a second, just that there are good reasons why a family would choose it, just as I'm sure there are very good reasons why they wouldn't.

Eastie77 · 31/12/2017 19:18

I kept DD with our childminder while I was on mat leave with her baby brother. It never occurred to me to stop sending her, she loved her routine and activities with the CM. Apart from anything else, she would have lost her spot which was needed when I returned to work and our CM also agreed to keep a place for DS if we kept sending DD.
I don’t think they experienced any problems ‘bonding’.

OP - although I work FT I really don’t see why it’s an issue if a SAHP chooses to send their older child to nursery/CM. If they can afford it, what’s the problem? I can’t think of anything worse then struggling with a newborn and a toddler day in, day out. The early weeks and months with a baby are tough.

I have a cleaner too. We pay her £20 for a couple of hours a fortnight.

icantdothis2017 · 31/12/2017 19:18

It really doesn't matter

Different strokes for different folks

StillWorkingOnACleverNN · 31/12/2017 19:19

As a SAHM I sent DD1 to nursery 15 hours per week at 2yo without an infant at home (and continued when DD2 arrived the next year) The program was fantastic - it was a warm, friendly school with immersion in another language. She loved the social aspect and playing with materials we didn't have at home, and she effortlessly learned the language, which I couldn't provide for her. I wish every parent had lots of options and could choose what works for them and DD.

icantdothis2017 · 31/12/2017 19:19

I'm a sahm to a 22.5 month old.
I don't plan on returning to work anytime soon.
She'll be starting nursery in April ( funded hours )

Chickoletta · 31/12/2017 19:20

What a judgy post! Many of us believe that our children benefit from going to nursery, it's not a case of getting them off our hands. I did go back to work between my children so DS was already at an excellent nursery but even if I'd wanted to be a SAHM (which I didn't) I still would have sent him for the social and developmental benefits.

Viviennemary · 31/12/2017 19:21

I think it's a really good idea. The toddler gets to run round and play and meet other children their own age and baby and Mother get some quiet time (hopefully). Rather than a bored toddler and a frantic Mum.

LuluJakey1 · 31/12/2017 19:21

DS1 goes 3 mornings a week. He was 3 yesterday. DD is 8 months. He loves nursery and it means DD gets a bit of just me time.

Lostmyemailaddress · 31/12/2017 19:22

There's 15 months between ds4 and dd3. I originally sent ds4 to nursery at 9 months even though I'm a sahm. He was a very clingy baby who would scream to the point if vomiting if I left him to go to the toilet.

I sent him as I thought it would help him to be more social with other children as we tried playgroups but he'd scream if another person adult or child walked near me he really didn't enjoy them at all. That along with having 2 with sn and him hating going to any appointments I had for them I thought it was the best choice for him.

He now has 3 funded mornings and his df who I'm separated from pays for 2 afternoon sessions on top. He is now a very social little boy who has come on leaps and bounds in ways I don't think he would of if he hadn't gone. Dd3 is now 5 months old and at some point she will go to nursery there too I'm just not sure when. It wasn't an easy decision to make at first and when he first went I felt guilty just like I did when he went after dd3 was born but now I'm happy we made the right decision for him.

Pseudousername · 31/12/2017 19:23

I work full time. My toddler goes to nursery full time. If I had another baby I wouldn't take the toddler out of nursery while I was on mat leave with the second. For many reasons.

user789653241 · 31/12/2017 19:23

I have only one child, and sent my dc to nursery 5 mornings a week when 2 , and full day, 5 days a week when 3. It was for him to socialise, rather than for me to have time off him. Still had plenty of time to spend together.

KitKat1985 · 31/12/2017 19:26

DD1 went to nursery two days a week before DD2 was born. We kept her going there after DD2 came along even though I was on maternity leave and didn't need the childcare as we didn't want to disrupt her routine and she may well have lost her place in the nursery (it's a popular one) if we took her out, and we needed her place still to be there after my mat leave finished and I was back at work. And it gave me a chance to get a daytime nap in so I could sleep when the baby did, and even get a bit of housework done.

Original poster

HapsburgUrchin · 31/12/2017 19:26

Sorry if I came across as judgy, I think I just mangled my OP a bit. I think I'm really just being nosey. Perhaps I'm being a bit naive too. It's interesting to hear what you all do. Happy New Year!

OP posts:

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