‘Attachment parenting’ and starting nursery

[crazycatlady5]

‘Attachment parenting’ In quotes as I guess I have kind of fallen into that style of parenting with no aim or purpose. I have a Velcro baby who I’ve coslept with most of her life, she has never ever taken a bottle or cup (she’ll only drink water out of them now at 10 months), I babywear a lot and she’s not been left to cry for any length of time.

She’s a very ‘friendly’ baby, so although she relies on me a lot she will happily go to anyone and laughs a lot and cuddles etc.

I’m going back to work soon 😭 and I’m nervous about nursery. She has always fed to sleep for a start so I’ve no idea how they’ll manage to get her to sleep. People tell me that nursery staff have magical powers though! I hope that’s true.

Sounds ridiculous but has anyone ever been nervous that nursery/childminder might ‘sleep train’ your child?

Don’t really know what my question is. I suppose it is: people who AP, what have your experiences been when you’ve finally had to leave your child?

I work in a baby room nursery and we absolutely do not leave babies to cry, it's completely against our policy. We are all trained in baby brain development and attachment and leaving babies to cry is proven to be harmful - more so at nursery which is an unfamiliar environment with people who are not their parents.

In my room we rock babies to sleep, cuddle them, feed them a bottle, lie down with them, sit by the cot and sing, push them in the pram... whatever works for the baby. I spent last Tuesday carrying one baby on my hip all day because he's new and needed to be cuddled. That's what you should expect from a nursery.

Visit and ask them, all nurseries are different so you really need to find out their policies and ways of working.

I didn’t miss anything Marcine I’m questioning your POV given your posts
You see nursery nurses I’ve known don’t express your pov

I'm sorry I can't say nursery suits all babies, no baby ever cries and nursery nurses can magically turn an ebf, cosleeping baby into a bottle drinking, cot sleeping one with zero distress, but honestly that is not my experience at all.

Of course it’ll not be zero distress,there is a managed transition to new environment & routine
Just like starting school is not zero distress
Change brings a level of distress and this can be managed and reduced

You see nursery nurses I’ve known don’t express your pov

But, Lipstick, if they know your children go to nursery, they wouldn't express that view to you, would they? I used to work in the City and became a SAHM, so nobody ever tells me how great it is for girls to see their mum have a successful career.....but every time I see the GP, he tells me how beneficial it is for kids to have their mum at home. My friend who's a partner in a law firm would say the reverse. People in real life generally express views they think you will agree with!

Yes,so to your face folk will say sahm is good.they really think it’s old fashioned and patriarchal

The transition is so much easier for babies who will drink from a bottle or cup, and sleep in a cot though. There is no magic and nursery nurses don't do anything you can't do at home.. As I said I understand why parents would leave it to nursery to do it, but I believe it's much better for them to start making those transitions at home in a familiar environment with people who are their parents.
I wouldn't want my babies to have to manage all that at the same time - new people, new environment, new routine PLUS all the stress of having to learn to feed and fall asleep differently.

Yes I think op should introduce changes to prepare for nursery,and settle sessions

To be honest Lipstick your response here illustrates why nursery nurses might sugarcoat feedback - parents who use nurseries absolutely don't want to hear anything even slightly negative.

I think nursery nurses have often said this online. I remember I saw a lot of it when I was considering not returning to work (confirmation bias though.)

Many nursery nurses choose not to send their own kids to nursery. Most parents tell you how "lovely their nursery is and that it "works magic."

Yes,so to your face folk will say sahm is good.they really think it’s old fashioned and patriarchal

Maybe. Doesn't concern me in the least. Not sure how you qualify as vox populi though!

It's a cycle though isn't it. Nurseries sugarcoat - parents think it's fine - everyone buys into thinking it's fine...

But if nurseries didn't suvarcoat then parents wouldnt use them and go out of business.

Uh huh.well all my kids settled pretty quick at nursery,on arriving they were bottle fed,weaning and slept in cot in own room since birth
Of course folk sugar coat, teachers do it, nursery does it
And a parent can also say,tell me straight yiu don’t need to sugar coat

I’m simply Applying your they say something nice to your face logic
Which means you’re being jollled along by a misleading sentiment
If people say what they think one wants to hear

My eldest went to a great nursery, 6 babies on a 1:2 ratio, needed a bit of rocking or cuddling but could nap well in a cot, started at 7 months so before separation anxiety was a big issue.
My second actually did self settle in a cot and took a bottle, but was sensitive, I knew he wouldn't manage nursery. He needed an attachment person - he would have been one of those sad little babies just coping. He went to a childminder.
My youngest won't even take a dummy and naps in a sling, so no nursery for her.

I’m simply Applying your they say something nice to your face logic
Which means you’re being jollled along by a misleading sentiment
If people say what they think one wants to hear

No - you're giving your own opinions and experiences and saying that's what "folk" say or think. Some will, some won't. I'm perfectly capable of thinking through the pros and cons of things for myself; I'm just aware that (in life generally), you tend to get positive rather than negative reinforcement. In exactly the same vein, I would presume that not many people have expressed negative opinions of nurseries to you if they know that that is the childcare you use.

Reread your own post you said People in real life generally express views they think you will agree with
So to your face,folk will be affirmative about sahm

Yes - as you were dismissing Marcine for saying something from her experience as a nursery nurse which you had not heard from other nursery nurses. My point was that you would have been unlikely to have heard that if you were a user of nurseries....

I refer you to your own post People in real life generally express views they think you will agree with
So to your face,folk will be affirmative about sahm

I didn’t AP my baby but he was BF to sleep until recently and I “wore” him a lot. We stopped cosleeping at 6 months but still occasionally cosleep if baby is poorly etc, and I never ever left him to cry. I was very worried about him starting nursery but he loved nursery from day one and is very happy there. It hit me a lot harder than it did him.
Try not to worry.

You've just repeated the same thing. I'm not sure what you're driving at. Yes, to my face, people will be positive about my being a SAHM and will feel free to express negative views about sending children to nursery. To you, they will be positive about the benefits of work and the experience of nursery and will feel free to express negative views about staying at home with children. Just because either of us hasn't personally heard the other point of view doesn't mean it isn't out there. People tend to offer positive reinforcement; it's human nature.

thud that’s the penny dropping.yes applying your logic others ameliorate their responses

So it’s pointless for to say your GP said sahm is great for kids.doesnt mean anything
And equally others inc nursery staff could be jollying me along,saying what they think I want to hear

Which is why I have my convictions and beliefs that I adhere to without seeking external approbation

Which is why I have my convictions and beliefs that I adhere to without seeking external approbation

So do I. So we're both fine.

Indeed,and of course your observation lead to this interesting digression

Lipstick, are you not just repeating exactly the same point Natalia made initially?