When did you first leave your child with someone?

[OnNaturesCourse]

Other than partners.

I'm talking leaving for a few hours, or overnight with grandparents etc?

I am feeling a little overprotective (made to feel this way) for not allowing my DD to stay over at grandparents just yet, she's nearly 4 weeks old. She has spent a afternoon with them at roughly 2 weeks and that nearly broke me leaving her, was a lovely break but was long enough.

At nursery from 6 months. Overnight... still not at 3.5 yrs. Doesn't help that we don't really have anyone to leave DD with but still. 4 weeks is incredibly little.

DD was 6 weeks. We left her with my parents (and a list of instructions! She was our pfb) and went for a wander round a shopping centre. It was fecking horrible, I hated every minute of it. I had crushing PND though, and hated everything.

DS was in hospital for his first month so we left him quite a lot then but after that, not till he was 6 months and I had to go back to work.

No baby needs to stay overnight at grandparents at four weeks. A couple of hours is plenty.

It's different if they have too. No harm done. But, ideally, no.

When did this become such a "thing" anyway? GPs expecting alone time with babies? When I was a kid you visited your grandparents WITH your parents, it was a family event. Or they saw you in your family home or on family outtings with everyone invited

Jesus Christ - 4 weeks old!!

DS was 9 years and DD 6 years old before they stayed with DM overnight.

Gingerbreadma - I find it bizarre as well. It's not like they can't visit.

I also hate the entitlement people feel they have when it comes to passing around a newborn for a hold. My son hated being passed around and would scream from overstimulation very quickly. We told visitors to back off until the poor mite had been allowed to have his naps in peace for a week or so! He's not a doll.

I think the answer is 'when you feel comfortable' if that's 12mths or 4 weeks then that is really up to you. No one should be telling you when to do it.

I didn't leave my dd1 overnight till she was at least 12mths and that was with my parents. My son was about the same age. They have never been left with in laws overnight and they are 5 and 3 now!

Ds was almost 2 before I left him with anyone other than DH. (No family here apart from in laws who aren’t so competent or trustworthy.)

I’ve only left ds (now 4) for one overnight and that was with Dh.

DC1, overnight with grandparents for 1 night at about 5 months as I had awful sickness bug. DC2, with grandparents for a couple of hours in the afternoon at 6 weeks so we could take DC1 to a show. Overnight at 4 weeks against your wishes? No chance! Tell them to back off.

11 months was first time I left him with GP’s for the afternoon. We had visited every week from birth and I knew he would be fine, I just missed him. I went back to work at 12 months so I was preparing myself. He had first sleepover at about 2 years.

No one else should be dictating to you when to leave your Baby. They need to back and be more supportive of you.

Thanks all x

4 weeks is very young to leave if you're not ready.
I left mine at 6 weeks with my parents for the evening. My mother was being lovely and supportive and insisted I had some time just for me and dh so we went out for dinner and a film. Tbh I didn't really want to and spent the whole time feeling the separation.
There are still all sorts of bonding hormones going on at that age. Leave him when you're ready and don't feel you need to rush.

DS1 is 7 in January (and ds2 4.5) and neither of them have ever been left with anyone that's not me/their dad/school

My DD was about 7-8 months when I left her for more than an hour with anyone other than DH. I went back to work when she was 10 months and she went to nursery or with GP's during the day then. She was well over a year old before I left her overnight with DH and nearly 2 before we both left her overnight with GP's. Don't feel pressurised into leaving a tiny baby with anyone. I would never have even considered it at 4 weeks. However, if you want to then there's nothing wrong with it.

With a babysitter (when asleep) at 3 months. Went to Nursery at 4 months when I went back to work. Left him overnight with my parents when he was 15 months. I wouldn’t have felt ready at 4 weeks but each to their own! If we had family closer though I’d have probably left him for an evening sooner than 3 months.

My DD was born under GA so "left" her under care of HCP as soon as she was born! That was horrendously stressful, so the odd few hours here & there with her DGM's or my DH since that hasn't really phased me! I haven't left her overnight yet, but I'm worried my boobs will explode without her!!

Who is making you feel this way ?

I think it's pretty normal to not want to leave your baby overnight at just a few weeks old.

I left my son for the first time when he was 8 weeks old. It was for my partners work 'do' and just for a few hours. He didn't stay overnight with anyone until he was 5 though.

I left my daughter with my my mum or partners mum when she was about 4 weeks or so just to go shopping and take my son out for a few hours. She didn't stay overnight with anyone until she was 4.

I remember people saying that I 'had' to leave them so they 'got used' to it. I was just like . Don't feel pressure. Your child will be fine if left with someone you trust but you definitly do not have to do it.

With out even a tiny look back.. 6 Weeks for first , 4 Weeks for second. Overnight.. TBH with whatever friend/neighbour was willing for a few hours.... Can't remember for the others but probably about the same. I've never been anxious about them and always left them with my mother for overnights - who I assumed, having bought me and my siblings up without incident- would be fine with mine. Which she was. It was never really an issue or something I gave a deal of thought to.
On the other hand my mum made it very clear that she had done her child rearing and offers for overnights were not frequent so I grabbed them when offered !!!

DS is nearly 3 and a half and I’ve never left him overnight with anyone other than DH!!

Went out for dinner and left him sleeping with MIL 2 Christmases ago for the first time. He would’ve been 16 months.

At 4 weeks ?! You’re right not to want to leave him!

If there is no reason and you don’t feel ready then don’t. Please don’t let anybody make you feel like you should or shouldn’t feel the way you do. 4 weeks is still tiny so don’t feel pressured into it. I left my first at 3 months for one night from about 7pm till 9am. I was a single parent and suffering from pnd I actually slept worse. However it was kind of them to give me that one night off. My second is 7 months old and hasn’t stayed away from me overnight once and has only away from me for a few hours while i work once a week. There is no right or wrong just when you feel comfortable.

My LO was 8 months when he was left for an hour with his grandparents.
He is still EBF so can't stay over night as he is a boobie monster, but once he started taking a few solids during the day it was fine.
He is now 11 months old and not been left again 😂

Left both with my parents when they were about 4 weeks for around 2hrs. Then DD1 overnight with them when she was around 21months. DD2 is 15 months and hasn’t stayed over anywhere yet.

4 months for a few hours in the evening. 2 years for overnight!

About 4 for the first whole weekend. He's not clingy now, he went away for a week aged 8 knowing nobody at all.

I wouldn't have been able to leave a 4 week old overnight. That would have felt totally unnatural to me. Stick to your guns.

Gingerbread, I don't think this is a new/old thing, it's just different family norms and what you expect. Quite often comes up as a clash between in laws if both families have a different expectation! The funny thing is you tend to consider your own situation so normal that you forget to discuss it with your partner, so if each of your families have a different set of norms it can come as quite a shock.