7yo helping themselves to excessive amounts of treat food

[TheHighPriestessOfTinsel]

Not sure what to do on this one. 7yo DC2 has been helping herself to the treat cupboard. I've asked her not to do this, and to check with me first, so I can have a think about how much treat food she's had, proximity to meal times etc. She's ignoring me, and is not quite canny enough to cover her tracks, so I'm finding wrappers everywhere.

For context, we are not especially puritan/clean eating types. We very often have a proper pudding, and especially at the weekend there are crisps and sweets, but in moderation. Also, DC2 is what's euphemistically known as A Good Eater, and at times gets a bit chubby. Anyone else dealt with this (particularly with a child who doesn't give a monkey's about adult approval)? TBH it's as much about the continued not giving a stuff about what I've told her as the constant sweet eating.

it sounds like you are not putting in any consequences for her actions and also you are in danger of her losing respect for you. (You say she doesn't give a monkeys about adults approval). You are going to have bigger problems than a nicked packet of crisps and chocolate bar if you don't nip this in the bud sharpish. You know she is taking you for a fool as she is leaving wrappers that are found.

Personally I would start with the talk. I would say something like
' I don't like it when you take the treats without asking. It means I can't trust you. In future you must always ask first'
No doubt she will do it again.
This( IMO) would be followed with ' you know we had the chat about you taking the treats., I see it's still happening and I feel let down. Because of this you will not be allowed ( to go on your phone, x box, whatever......) for the rest of the evening.
I would carry on with this but make the consequence relevant to her, realistic and proportionate and manage able and most of all see the consequence through. Do not waver!! Otherwise that is your weakness and she will know it.

Ah yes, I don't know if your kids are keen to be grown up (else this could back fire) but we have embarrassingly babyish consequences for things. Eg 4 year old runs off and I can't see him- has to hold my hand even in park and not play, does it again? Goes on reins. Tbh it rarely actually happens and would be for a v v short time but we over egg the embarrassment factor of being seen by friends on baby reins etc..
With DD it is more about social restrictions or having to baby her in some way or other. This has included taking away knife privileges/not being allowed to help make the family meal/social limitations (can't play with neighbouring kids if don't return on time, can't perform certain activity again if don't tidy up afterwards) . Not sure how effective these are but generally pretty well behaved (but not terrorised) kids. As in, I don't think kids should be utterly obedient because they are so scared of their parents but do think they should be respectful of authority figures and would like them to show me consideration as I show them it. Complicated business bringing up decent mini humans

LoverOfCake a person with cystic fibrosis needs a cupboard full of crisps and chocolate. DS1 has always needed to be able to go to his snack cupboard when he wanted, because otherwise he'd starve to death. At 27, he's 5'10" and 7st.

evil! Your situation is completely different. It's not fair to pick on loverofcake. Impossible to take on every possible permutation. I'm presuming as she hasn't mentioned it that the OPS dd does not have cystic fibrosis.

I think, FOR ALL KIDS WHO DON'T HAVE CYSTIC FIBROSIS, treat cupboard is as necessary as elf on the shelf

Duriandurian please please beware of using shame as a punishment tactic. It certainly works, but it has lifelong consequences. My DM used to do similar - nothing you'd describe as abusive at all, but similar to what you describe. As an adult, I don't remember the transgressions (pretty minor mostly) but I do remember the burning feeling of shame and feeling a foot tall. It has fed into serious self-esteem issues, despite my mostly very loving childhood. If nothing else, you are teaching your child that the ultimate punishment is bound into how you appear in front of others, and that others thinking badly of you is the worst thing in the world. That is not healthy either. My mother is absolutely obsessed about the judgement of others, real or imagined. It's taken me half my adult life to realise that it isn't that important, and that really, most people are not looking at you most of the time!

Put them out of reach.

Make sure you have an accessible, full fruit bowl and tell her she is allowed to help herself to fruit but must ask if she'd like anything else.

And evildoctot for god's sake, the ops child does not have cystic fibrosis. Surely it's blindingly obvious in the context of a thread like this that we are talking about your average child with no special dietary requirements! It's a bit like coming onto a thread about soneone wanting to introduce running as healthy exercise for their child, and saying 'well my child is in a wheelchair, how dare you all say running is good exercise, my child will never run'. Undeniably true, but also spectacularly not the point.

Scabbersley I dislike the sweeping generalisation nobody, it's inaccurate. I'm merely pointing out that you can have a "treat cupboard" and nobody raids it. In our house, we each have our own sweets for puddings and crisps for snacks, the DC ask for theirs, they don't help themselves. This works, because they've never questioned it.

By the way, my stepmother never put sugar in anything and didn't have any sweets in the house, when my stepsister left home she became a sugar addict. It does happen.

By the way, my stepmother never put sugar in anything and didn't have any sweets in the house, when my stepsister left home she became a sugar addict.

Agree with frogsoup about DurianDarian - that post made me quite sad.
My DC always ask me before they have any snacks at all, even an apple. Otherwise, they'd eat so much that they'd never get through meals.

By the way, my stepmother never put sugar in anything and didn't have any sweets in the house, when my stepsister left home she became a sugar addict. It does happen. This happened to me too. Absolutely fixated with the foods I wasn't allowed when I was a child.

Ahhh I have a relative that does this and it's pretty annoying to watch she is 8 and my god she can eat (mainly at night) Iv watched slowly as she has gained weight
But on the other hand I watch her dad give her treats after treats and then moan about her eating and weight, I blame him

Sweets are treats if they can't follow don't have them in the house.
Swap the sweet for fruit

I agree with the posters saying that restricting treats for children can make it worse when they are independent and can buy their own. This is what happened to me (and my brother). We never had treats in the house when we were growing up, and now we both have an unhealthy relationship with food.

All children should be asking every time they want a treat - and you can give it to them and monitor. They don't need easy access treats

Catalufa I suspect parents can't win in the end! People addicted to sweets as an adult will blame either the fact they were always in the house when they were children, or that they weren't ever allowed them .

I don't 'get' having a treat cupboard.

Isn't it unhealthy to classify junk food as 'treats'?

A treat to my dcs is a later bedtime/ extra screen time/ a small gift.

I'd never use food as a reward.

Ditch the sodding treat cupboard, are any of the rest of you overweight?

Buy a bar of chocolate as and when required, not constant supplies! She's 7 and you need to supervise and regulate her diet.

I don’t buy crisps, sweets, chocolate or soft drinks as part of a normal shop.

I find people bring them if they visit or for presents often enough that they are ‘treats’. If they have them all the time then the ‘treat’ loses the ‘wow’ factor iyswim. I’d buy crisps and soft drinks if we were entertaining friends or family at home.

When I was a child the fun of sweets/chocolate/cake/crisps was the fact it only happened now and again.

If the dcs want more junk they can buy them with their own pocket money. They get a snack after school such as a scone, crumpet, toast, sometimes cake if I bake. Pudding on Sunday. None of them buy excessive sweets and we are normal weight.

The junk food being 'treats' mindset is so flawed. It leads to comfort eating as older children and adults are conditioned to believe they are treating themselves the more of it they eat. It comes from a place of love but ends in obesity or eating disorders (which are not mutually exclusive).
It's a tough one. I think either do away with the junk food altogether or allow access to it in the same way you would all other food without putting the onus on it being only as treats or worse, rewards.

As I said yesterday I think the sweets and treats is a red herring.
I honestly think it is a behaviour issue. The child knows that she is not to take without asking but is sneaky enough to wait until OP isn't around or busy ti take.
There doesn't appear to be any consequences for her actions so of course this will continue.

It is the behaviour that needs tackling not the fact that Op chosen to have treats in the house.

Tell her if she keeps taking sweet food without asking she will get fat and her teeth will rot. Both those are likely to be true if she keeps eating sweets every day.

I have the problem also of a 14 year old helping himself to ‘family’ treats without asking. He will even eat all icecream and when I go to use it for dessert, there is none. I have spoken to him so many times about this.

My opinion in your case is to buy treats for each child and put in separate bags. When she has finished hers, that is that

I have a locked cupboard which works well for room temperature treats.
I had to stop buying ice cream except when I need it for dessert.

My opinion in your case is to buy treats for each child and put in separate bags. When she has finished hers, that is that
That could work but I'd idont think it will change behaviour over the long term. OP has stated that the kid 'doesn't give a monkeys about adult approval'
You should be able to leave anything in your house with the expectation it won't be taken without your permission whether it's crisps, money, or personal belongings, the principal is the same, ask permission first. It is how trust is formed and built.

That's interesting re: shame. Thank you for highlighting. Like I said, hardly ever used (like not in the last year), but will think on other ideas. It was more about communicating that they were operating at a lower level of maturity and deserved trust than which we had previously assumed they could cope. Will think again. Thanks