7yo helping themselves to excessive amounts of treat food

[TheHighPriestessOfTinsel]

Not sure what to do on this one. 7yo DC2 has been helping herself to the treat cupboard. I've asked her not to do this, and to check with me first, so I can have a think about how much treat food she's had, proximity to meal times etc. She's ignoring me, and is not quite canny enough to cover her tracks, so I'm finding wrappers everywhere.

For context, we are not especially puritan/clean eating types. We very often have a proper pudding, and especially at the weekend there are crisps and sweets, but in moderation. Also, DC2 is what's euphemistically known as A Good Eater, and at times gets a bit chubby. Anyone else dealt with this (particularly with a child who doesn't give a monkey's about adult approval)? TBH it's as much about the continued not giving a stuff about what I've told her as the constant sweet eating.

Migraleve to get a drink, to put her rubbish in the bin and her dish in the sink, to get stuff for experiments for science homework, to put together a snack for after school club or a packed supper for play scheme? DD has done all these things since she was about 7

So did all of mine. But in this case the OPDD can’t be trusted not to steal food so therefore doesn’t NEED to be in the kitchen alone. Christ it’s not so difficult to say to child ‘don’t go in kitchen’ and then if they need something from there to go with them. But obviously I didn’t mean EVERY 7yo, just the one in the OP

I must be really strict as my kids (8&9) would never take any food at all without asking. I'm sure that will change!

I've never made a big deal over not having a cupboard of crap.

I don't worry about weight particularly but I do want them to have nice teeth when older. My dcs are sporty so need good food. If they ate too much rubbish they wouldn't eat proper meals.

I think most teenagers spend money on sweets when they are first independent. Mine are fairly health conscious and one has new braces and they are just not bothered about sweets the whole time! So clearly no treat cupboard (which sounds weirdly restrictuve - look all this crap but you can't eat it unless I say so) has worked for us. Dd1 wants to do her degree in sport with nutrition as a specialisation!

My goodness what bollocks about restrictions leading them to seek it out when older. Perhaps I should get some skunk and alcohol in for my children and start moderating their consumption of it?
Stop buying crap. Its not a treat! Its certainly not all pulses and quinoa in this house by a long shot but I learnt a long time ago that if its there we'll eat it.

I used to put anything treat like into an old Roses tin... everyone knows what a bugger those things are to open.

But on a more serious note, just don't buy anything to keep in the cupboard. If its not there, it cannot be eaten. At 7 she isn't quite old enough to get the long term disadvantages, she just wants what she wants now. All dc are different, some have good willpower, and some just don't. This is the case with adults too though, so shouldn't just say dc.

So, explain to the other dc that things are changing, once a week they can have a bar or whatever, buy it on the day.... takes the temptation away for your dd. She is still young. Just because your other dc have good willpower, doesn't mean she will have. Yes everyone has to change a bit because of it, but such is life. Give and take.

I wish we didn’t have a treat cupboard. I’m 47 and can’t manage myself around it. Unfortunately DH buys loads and loads but has iron self control...

The issues here start with A, the availablility of junk food on a 24/7 basis and B, the assumption that if junk food is there then it's theirs for the taking without having to ask. As such children do not learn to moderate at all because they'll have half a packet of biscuits instead of asking "can I have a biscuit?" And knowing the rule is that they only take two when being told yes.

Nobody needs a cupboard full of crisps and chocolate. Nobody needs things on tap in case the children don't learn to moderate in the future. There is middle ground between never allowing them anything and having it on tap 24/7.

As a child I had to ask if I could have a biscuit, and then the rule was you only took two from the packet because they were there for everyone.

There doesn't need to be some over-thought approach of a box for this one and that one and rations and once it's gone it's gone yada yada. Just don't have treats in the house. If you go to the shop pick up a cake each or a bar of chocolate or pack of crisps on an ad-hoc basis but no such thing as sweets on tap 24/7 any more. It's not going to kill anyone or start some kind of binge epidemic in your house. Really it isn't.

There will of course be times when treats are available on tap, Christmas, easter, birthdays, but the rest of the time treats are just that, treats.

I buy crisps and chocolate for my house and my DS and dp eat them. Once they're gone, then they're gone.

But the more you over think this the more of a problem it will become in your own mind at the very least. So the easiest solution is to get rid of the source of the problem. The other children aren't actually going to suffer from the lack of crisps and chocolate either, and they'll soon get used to it not being there. It's not that hard.

I have this with Ds2.
Reading with interest.

Is a 'treat cupboard' a modern thing? And helping oneself without asking? My children and grandchildren have never just helped themselves to biscuits or sweets or fruit.

Mine are welcome to eat a bit of fruit or toast if they have a long gap between meals. They are teens and pre-teens so often cool themselves scrambled egg or beans on toast if really hungry

Loverofcake thankyou for talking sense!

Make the treat food something that requires 10-60 minutes of preparation/cooking/baking. Something your daughter would be unable to do without help, but that wouldn't be a huge inconvenience. Then you can all share some sugary stuff without worrying that she's able to sneak it.

This is, of course, unless your child will just eat batter or doughs as-is without cooking/baking them first.

My children (7 and 9) have a pudding once a day. If they sneak stuff, they lose their pudding the next day (or that day, if they have not already had it).

Party bags and special occaion sweets (party bags, Christmas, Halloween) are pretty much a free for all but they don´t gorge. DS once sneaked a big bar of chocolate when he was about three and made himself sick. He felt proper poorly and still remembers. Its a good deterrent!

They are allowed to help themselves to fruit if they are hungry.

By the by, we had a treat cupboard when we were little, so its not a modern invention. And we sneaked stuff. I have been a healthy weight all my life. Treat cupboards dont inevitably spell destruction.

We have a drawer that has a few biscuits in and crisps etc. Dd7 always asks if she can have something from it. She might take something but she’d then bring it in and ask. I have always let her have the odd thing. She enjoys chocolate etc but isn’t obsessed with it. Her bag of swag from Halloween has been forgotten and will probably stay that way. I don’t run a particularly tight ship but she’s just always asked to have things.
My friend’s daughter was very restricted in terms of ‘treats’ and she goes into our ‘treat drawer’ when she comes to play, which I tell her is rude! (Can’t bear kids helping themselves in others houses!)
Thing is to be wary of treats, rewarding behaviour etc can lead to comfort eating as you’re using food as a reward, and it can be a very hard thing to unravel. By giving children a lollipop or whatever if they’re upset or have hurt themselves, it’s using food to comfort. Tricky I know.
I think op that it’s more the disobedience with your dd, that she isn’t listening that you probably need to tackle more than anything else.

Make the treat food something that requires 10-60 minutes of preparation/cooking/baking

Lovely idea... but totally unrealistic for many families. I work FT and DH travels, we barely have time to cook dinner.

Re the posters saying if you restrict now, they'll binge layer, I'd disagree and say the opposite. If they are used to daily 'treats' , chocolate, crisps etc, it will become a fixed, normal part of their daily routine, and will probably always expect to eat sweets etc every day. It's largely habit. I have a chocolate bar when watching TV, I have a (10) biscuits when I have a cuppa.

If you don't have a constant supply, it's less of a daily expectation. I don't always buy sweets, when I do I get the kids a packet each. that's it. If I have loads in the house they (I) will just scoff them mindlessly.

I buy mini chocolate bars for 1 DC because they particularly like chocolate rather than sweets, and they do an after school club that we drive to (unlike the others). After many disappointments (thefts) I have learnt to keep the chocolate stashed in the car. I don't even bother to bring it into the house any more.

OP, how is your dd's impulse control in other areas, not food related? Is this something you need to work on? Because sooner than you think, she'll be exposed to a lot of other temptations that she needs to be able to say no to.

Please do something about this before it gets out of hand. I think everyone having their "own" box of treats for the week would be a good idea to try as it will put some of this in her control. She will probably finish the lot by day 1 or 2 of the first week but eventually she may learn to self regulate.

Try to help her learn to control her sweet intake before deciding she can't do it and banning it from the house.

Of course you are in control at the moment but if she doesn't learn how control herself now, when she is old enough to but her own stuff, what will happen then. Each of your children will have things they struggle with that you help them with. This is one of her difficulties..

Make it clear to her in some way, what belongs to each family member (boxes, lists whatever works for you). Then if she takes someone else's treat like as if she has stolen something with similar consequences - eg one of her treats - (from the following week if necessary) goes to the person she stole from.

I think the problem (difficulty in controlling herself around sugar/treats is being exacerbated by the communal nature of food in most households. Give her clearer rules/boundaries for a while to help her in her decision making

At the moment she wants a treat and has poor impulse control around that decision. She sees lots of the desired food and can't see that it is not all for her in that moment.

Please do something about this before it gets out of hand. I think everyone having their "own" box of treats for the week would be a good idea to try as it will put some of this in her control. She will probably finish the lot by day 1 or 2 of the first week but eventually she may learn to self regulate.

Try to help her learn to control her sweet intake before deciding she can't do it and banning it from the house.

Of course you are in control at the moment but if she doesn't learn how control herself now, when she is old enough to but her own stuff, what will happen then. Each of your children will have things they struggle with that you help them with. This is one of her difficulties..

Make it clear to her in some way, what belongs to each family member (boxes, lists whatever works for you). Then if she takes someone else's treat like as if she has stolen something with similar consequences - eg one of her treats - (from the following week if necessary) goes to the person she stole from.

I think the problem (difficulty in controlling herself around sugar/treats is being exacerbated by the communal nature of food in most households. Give her clearer rules/boundaries for a while to help her in her decision making

At the moment she wants a treat and has poor impulse control around that decision. She sees lots of the desired food and can't see that it is not all for her in that moment.

Just don’t buy them and don’t have a treat cupboard.

Well after reading this post I have removed all the sweets from the sweet cupboard... there was some uproar about it. However my DSC can't be trusted and it really saddens me.

My 7 yo loves the idea of helping herself to food and is constantly hungry. She's actually quite skinny but I hate the idea of her having too much junk so I don't have it in the house. She helps herself to grapes/apples/cheese/plain Greek yogurt/bread sticks. No one needs to be eating junk in my opinion, not anyone in your family.
Your daughter will grow up overweight and you will be responsible. If that sounds harsh then it's actually meant to.

Just tell her again she has to check with you first and if she doesn't do that, you will get rid of all her treats.
Put the rest where she can't get it. Or don't buy treats anymore.

Simple. Either stop all your DCs from taking any food at all without asking, or don't keep a supply of treats. My DSs are 16 and 14 and always ask if they can have something, rather than helping themselves.

We used to have lots of treats in our house when I was growing up, chocolate cakes crisps etc. Then my dad was diagnosed with diabetes and my mum threw out all the snacks. We went cold turkey

I won’t lie, it was tough the first couple of weeks but eventually we adjusted. I think it was a good thing really that we got rid of all that junk food

So.. op maybe just get rid of the junk food treat drawer

In our house this has been quite a Thing. Both of us quite solid build and children too. Healthy weight but definitely not frail little things. DD (8) was v keen on sweets etc. from early on. Tried to restrict at home but she bolted them at parties. We don't keep alot of stuff in. Will buy for occasions etc.. Snacks are generally higher protein, offer veg sticks and houmous before dinner etc..
But I was brought up in a v v restrictive household and for a long time had huge food issues arising from that (and a mother with clear eating and body issues too tbf- plus I was always too solid for her).
My DH was obese as a child until he found competitive sport at senior school. His Ma would buy anything and the rest of the family are obese, his father dangerously so. His are diabetic, mine have sugar control issues which may also be feeding into other issues.
We have had a lot of back and forthing based on trying to avoid replicating our childhoods (with added complication of now living v close to otherwise brilliant grandparents: grandparents can give them snacks at their house, but not dump stuff at ours- I will chuck tho' they don't know this).
I want to "normalise" it and he wants to exclude it. What we are doing atm is that All the sweets (from party bags, school birthdays, Halloween etc..) all go into a big plastic "Sometimes" food box (not Treats(!)). This discouraged bolting and promotes sharing.
Distribution is a direct rip off of the pocket money system that the annoying Naughtiest Girl (Enid Blyton's) weird prep school employs so is seen as acceptable by my kids who listen to that CD way more than I can bear.
Every Saturday the kids can fill their own jar (tiny kilner from Tiger) with as many sweets as they can ram into it. These are theirs. They can choose to share with friends at school, eat some if we have a family film night (no TV normally either, also a matter of some debate between me and DH but kids don't seem to care). I have some pretty (and small) melamine bowls and they each take something(s) from their sweet jar if they like. Then I put the jars out of sight again (some interesting research about how overweight people are more likely to eat food if visible regardless of hunger, not true of slender types).
For DD and her sibling aged 4 it has worked really well I think and I think has communicated budgeting way better than money did.
I also make sure that any belly aches are always attributed to snack foods/over eating. I talk about asking your tummy and not your tongue what it wants (as tongues can lie). Kids seem to get the idea and we are v big on saving things for later and acknowledging when you are full.
Goodness knows if this will work. I am aware that to people with a normal relationship with food that this looks incredibly over thought and over complicated. I am desperately aware of the long term health effects of childhood obesity and overweight. And keen that they have inner control (marshmallow test type approach!).
We all do a lot of exercise and prioritise outside time as much as we can. Kids are v proud of their bodies and what they can do and how strong and quick they are. Which I am so happy about.
Total essay, sorry. But just to say, you aren't alone. Agree re self control being v important. I think trustworthiness and sibling policing will align quite quickly.