Parents sleeping apart

[mears]

I am amazed at how many parents sleep apart to deal with children during the night. I personally think that DHs and DPs need to get used to life with a new baby and sleeping in a separate room does not get them aclimatised IYSWIM?

It seems to me that this then leads to parents never having time together and their sex life goes down the tube.

My DH and I never, ever got into a child's bed to help them get to sleep, nor swapped beds during the night because a child came into the bed.

Is there not a danger that parents put their children's sleeping habits before their own relationsip?

mears - I was talking about babies and young toddlers.

Sometimes I'd like DS1 (3yo) to sleep with us - but he sleeps well in his own bed and it would be because I love having his heavy, curly head asleep on me (he occasionally falls asleep when I'm telling him stories at bedtime - but more often, I tell him one story, sing three songs and he says, "Mummy have to go downstairs now!" gives me a kiss, rolls over with his bear and goes to sleep ).

I do know a 12yo who sleeps with his mum and his dad is "elsewhere" though. Am about their whole relationship for a variety of reasons I can't go into on here.

ah that makes more sense

personally, no, i wouldn't want am 11 yo in my bed, let alone a 13 yo.

i don't mind giving them a few years of this bed sharing malarky but but beyond that, no. sharing a bed with my partner is pretty important to me, tbh

believe me, i am pretty good at putting my relationship first at times.

i think, for me, its not a huge issue cos a. dp has always worked away from home, often abroad, quite a lot and b. we had 4 years of a long distance relationship at the start, so bed sharing is nice but not really an essential for us.

I never liked children sleeping in our beds. Very difficult constantly feeding babies sometimes ended up in there and I'd pick it up by the back of its baby gro and put it as far away from me as possible so I could get back to sleep and it gradually wiggle back over to be against my body as fast as it could and wake me up so that never worked. We had new babies in a carry cot on the floor by the bed. We were both working full time so the question of who should be most awoken at night didn't arise so I tended to breastfeed and then we'd take it in turns to hold, rock or whatever else was needed to get it back to sleep.

DD - 13 weeks - sleeps in her cot in our room with me in the bed next to her and DP in the spare room at the moment. Basically because he snores like billyo and whereas I coped with it before DD came along now sleep is precious and either DD and I wake up through the snoring or I feel guilty at constantly jabbing him in the ribs (his sleep is precious too!). Once DD moves to her own room we'll be back sharing a bed again and I'll be back to rib jabbing.

DD coslept for best part of her first year, and on and off after that. She didn't have her own room until she was 16months old as our apartment was late in being built, and no suitable room in our temp flat. However Dhand I always slept together and that was one thing we both agreed on. There was no way we wanted that to happen and for us cosleeping together worked.

We sleep in separate rooms a lot of the time. Nothing to do with ds. Dh is a world champion snorer and there is no way I could share a room with him every night. Can still hear him even though I wear earplugs. Separate rooms stop me murdering him!

We do still manage to have a sex life, happily.

edam - we have friends who have seperate bedrooms, because of the DH's snoring. It is really bad, and no treatment has helped. Seperate rooms was the only way forward for them

agree with those who have said that sometimes it's the only thing to get us some sleep! There have been times in this house when it's more unusual for everyone to wake up in the correct bed, but normally that is when they are very young or poorly.

My parents have had separate bedrooms for about 30 years - and no sex AFAIK - and they are still married

Children who can walk, talk and feed themselves should sleep in their own beds. Yes they should be able to come in for a cuddle and reassurance etc. But for one parent then to leave their bed and leave child in 'big bed', I never understood

DS (2.9) wakes occasionally & we bring him into our bed for the rest of the night & we get a LOT more sleep that way. DH generally leaves & goes to sleep in DSs room as he doesnt get much sleep at all. I was getting all the nice snuggly cuddles with DS & he was getting kicked . Now, he has gotten used to me kicking him over the years...but 2 of us was just too much for him (DS takes after me & thrashes about a lot in his sleep!) Not moving to another bed would Im sure do our sex life a LOT more harm than good, given DSs height & where his feet tend to hit DH

I or the OH will quite often take ourselves off to sleep in the spare room, usually due to his snoring (think herniated bull-elephant) as, once I'm awakened, I can't get back to sleep unless there's utter hush. Also I don't like the alternative of poking him in the ribs every 5 minutes!

DD doesn't get a look in, however. She's had her own bed from 4 weeks and thinks coming into ours (the one time we did it when she was poorly and woke very early) is trampoline time, not for sleep!

And so far no difference to the sex life...

We sleep apart only when DP has stayed up very late on Battfield on-line and knows he will disturb me with his tripping over everything in our bedroom before finding the bed!!!

My dt's sometimes get into the bed too....but it never wakes me, i just find them their in the mornings.....