Please help me with a routine!

[SallyLockhartsDog]

DC 3 has just turned one.

I have decided that it is best for my mental health/relationship with DH/other 2 DC that I need to change the way I am doing things. It worked for DC 1&2 but I'm just can't do it anymore..

Currently :
7pm - DC sleeps in my bed, I breastfeed him to sleep
7pm-10pm I have to go back in every half hour to resettle (breastfeed) as he wakes up screaming
10pm - I go to bed. Every hour or so he wakes up screaming, I change him to the other boob, he falls asleep. All night.

He will only nap in the car or in the carrier (he is very heavy). I have two other DC so I end up sticking a film on if he is desperate for a nap so I can lay down with him (he wakes up if I leave).

My life just feels like a car crash at the moment and I really need a sensible practical plan to go forward with. Any suggestions? I would like to wean him completely from the breast in an effort to lift my PND.

Are you happy to have him still sleeping in your bed or do you want him in his own? As you have two things to change in his routine then : getting him into his own bed and weaning him. How often does he breastfeed?

I'd tackle getting him into his own bed before weaning off the breast (if other way round then he'll still demand boob when next to you in bed), where in a cot in your room or in another room.

This may not be easy so seek help for your PND too, you sound as if you are sensible & practical but life is just getting a bit on top of you (as it does us all at times!) so don't be afraid to get the help for you and then work on getting him into his own bed. Once he's happy there you can start with the breast weaning (does he eat solids well and take enough in during the day?

Thanks tea

I would prefer him out of bed to be honest. Feeling very touched out!

I want to stop breastfeeding as a sleep aid. Also feel that my hormones are all over the place, very low libido is really effecting my marriage. And just feel like I have PMT every day - snappy etc with other 2 DC which makes me and them miserable!

I think that is a really sensible suggestion re getting him in to his own bed as a first step. I will Google to see if there is any tips online!

Sorry to answer your questions - he doesn't feed much during the day 2/3 times and very happy to eat solids.

He feeds for comfort in the night as well as hunger.

We did the gradual withdrawal/ retreat method with all of our ds to help with sleep and reducing bf. It can be tricky but I could never have left them to cry. So first I tackled the going to sleep. Instead of bf I would rock him, sing to him, anything except feed. This was probably the trickiest but it did work and after the first few nights was so much easier. Once that was established I reduced the prompts gradually every few days. For example lying next to him, holding his hand, singing to him, etc until I gradually say further and further away from him. At night I gradually increased the time between feeds. If he woke too early I would try and get him back to sleep by rocking him or whatever. It was a long process and we also tackled day time naps in the same way. After a few months he was sleeping well!

Thanks Lori. I'm not considering controlled crying so your method does sound more gentle. I think I will make a plan...
Rock/sing to sleep, down in cot
Patting and shushing/cuddling for every wake up till 10pm
10pm feed and back in his cot
Then feed him when he wakes and pop him back in the cot

I think I just need to prepare myself for worse sleep deprivation in the short term

My DS2 is younger (8 months) but we are doing similar. It is a slow process but I’m now no longer feeding to sleep - we co sleep half the night and I aim to reduce this as his self setting improves (I’m just too knackered to resettle every half an hour through the night). We did replace breastfeeding to sleep with rocking (1 weeks) , then holding and patting (3 days), then holding (3 days), then patting in the cot (we are still on that one but reducing the patting). One tip that might help is you should wait 10 mins after he falls asleep to put him down or leave the room. This is meant to make sure he is in a deep sleep

Just put DS to sleep, rocked him and sang...it took about 25mins but he is asleep in his cot now . Hope he stays down for longer than he normally does !!

Fingers crossed, OP!

Does he have a comfort object or favourite toy who could go in with him? That could take over from boob as reassurance in the night, though won't happen immediately. You could also try daytime playing in the cot - the idea being that he thinks of it as being a lovely place where he's happy to spend time rather than somewhere isolated from you.

Well done, it is just baby steps but the first one us the hardest! Just keep going. I found that even if we took a step back sometimes when he was poorly or we were on holiday etc then we just moved forward from there. Friends who did cc found that they had to do it all again if problems had reoccurred so I was really pleased we went down the gradual route. Good luck!

Thanks for the lovely replies thought I was going to get a flaming for cosleeping/bfing to sleep!

He doesn't have a comfort teddy but I'm thinking of picking a teddy and using it as a cue?

He had a terrible night last night from 11pm till we got up, scratching my eyes and jumping in my head.. but has been coughing and snuffling today so think he must be unwell. Trying to make sure he has enough sleep during the day today!

Sorry you had a rotten night! I do think a teddy would help. Snuggle it between you at sleep times so it takes on your smell.

Something else that helped for us (I think - who knows what 'works' and what doesn't with this stuff) is to feed plenty of protein at dinner time, and/or Greek yoghurt, so that you can be as sure as possible that they aren't waking from hunger.